Beautiful Disaster

Chapter 26: Coldest Summer

Coldest Summer

My eyes fluttered open and I woke into a dizzied reality. I got up and my vision cleared enough to notice Cap staring at me with worried eyes. Okay, so maybe worried was an understatement. He looked so guilt ridden and distressed. He looked like he was in so much pain. So much self-conflict and resentment.

"Cap? What-"

"Chloe, I am so sorry," he said with heartbreaking pain and honesty reflecting in his eyes.

"It's okay," I tried consoling

"No it's not, Chloe. You could have died!" He said with such disgust andunfathomable remorse.

"But I didn't!"

"I could have killed you!"

"But you didn't!"

"But I could have. Listen, Chloe, there's nothing you can say to take what I did back. Or to sweep it under the rug. I could have killed you! You told me to stop. You told me to stop! But I didn't listen. Chloe I didn't listen."

"But you stopped."

"Yes, seconds before my bite proved fatal. Seconds before you died."

"But the point is that you stopped!"

I was trying desperately to ease his pain, to ease his remorse. I know what he did was wrong, that I could have died. But it wasn't all his fualt. I seduced him into almost killing me. It was my fault, really, not his. Now I feared that I was going to lose him after this.

"No Chloe, you can't make this right. You can't justify my actions, Chloe!" He screamed, crimson tears flooding to his eyes and threatening to release. It broke my heart to see him like this.

"Cap, I'm sorry I -"

"Chloe, why are you apologizing? It wasn't your fault. In fact, this justproves that I am not good for you. It just proves that I'm too dangerous! I won't be able to live with myself if I was the reason for your death yet again!"

"Capriano -"

"No, Chloe! Do you have any idea how I felt when I saw you lying limp on the bed? Do you have any idea what I went through when I thought I killed you, when I thought you were dead?!"

"No, I don't" I said honestly.

Then I thought about it. What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if it was me that killed him? I was certain that I wouldn't be able to bear the pain. So what must Cap have felt when he saw me and thought I was dead? I couldn't even begin to imagine.

"Exactly my point. I can't keep doing this to you. I can't keep doing this to myself!"

"What, what are you saying?" I asked. I prayed to God that this wasn't going where I thought it was going. I could already feel my eyes welling up.

Cap looked straight into my eyes and said, "This has gone on for too long, Chloe. I can't keep doing this. I can't."

"Cap no. You didn't mean to. It'll, it'll be different next time."

"Next time?" Cap chuckled, mocked amusement in his laugh. "There isn't going to be a next time, Chloe."

"Cap -"

"I shouldn't have let this gone on for so long. But do you know what I regret the most?"

"What?" I answered automatically. I should've asked him not to tell. Should of said I didn't want to know. I felt sick to my stomach.