Jordan
1 week later
I sighed and looked at my phone, I had various texts from Nala telling me the funeral was later today.
Kash and Kilo's hearing was today, I wasn't about to miss that for her. She can wait.
I threw on some ripped jeans, a tshirt and some Jordans then I drove to the location Kash told me the hearing would be located at.
.......
"I love you J," Kash said, pulling me into a hug.
"I love you too," I said to Kash.
I looked at Kilo who was smiling at me, "Be safe in these streets shordy, make good decisions.. Ight?" Kilo said.
We did our handshake, "Imma get rich and bail both of y'all out so we can fuck up the streets again," I said.
The judge called them to the front and I took a seat next to my mom and dad.
I didn't want to be here to witness all of this shit but I had to be. This is my blood brother and my best friend who I claimed as one of my brothers. It would be hard losing both of them to the streets but I know they did it so my future wouldn't get fucked up.
My mom sobbed on my dad's shoulder when the judge announced that Kash got sentenced to life. He took the blame for me when I killed Zanny and he had already killed 5 other niggas.
Kilo got sentenced to 4 years for something he did last year.
I'm not gon see my brother unless it's behind bars, they denied him bail. I wiped my eyes before the tears could fall and massaged my temples. I couldn't believe this shit.
*
All of this was my fault. I feel like getting high but I don't smoke.
To clear my head I went to the nearest park to hoop.
Kash got a daughter, she's only 5. He's not gon get to see his daughter grow up that's a damn shame.
I was shooting after shot, not even caring where I was shooting at. Everywhere I shoot they go in. I sighed and took another 3 point shot but stopped once I felt the pain my right arm.
I tried to shoot another one, still the same pain. I kicked the ball across the court, "Fuck," I yelled when I felt that same pain.
*
I got home and took a hot shower. My mom gave me some medicine and told me it should make me feel better but it only made it worse.
My room door opened and in walked Nala.
"Where were you?" Nala asked, tears streaming down her face.
"I was here," I responded.
"Why weren't you there for me?" she asked, "You was probably out fucking that bitch wasn't you? See it's because of niggas like you.. That's why I don't do relationships," she said.
I didn't say anything, I just watched her cry. I don't know what's going on with me, but lately I haven't been able to give a fuck about her.
"If this was you, I would've been there for you. Do you not give a fuck about me?" she said,
I looked down, then back up at her. I licked my lips before saying, "Of course I care about you,"
She was going on and on about how she shouldn't of fucked with me. I really didn't give a fuck.
"Nala..." I said, "I'm not in a good place right now. So you better get the fuck out my face,"
She looked at me like I was crazy then slapped me. I placed a hand on my now burning cheek and looked at her with pure anger surging through my body.
I reached in the front of my jeans and pointed my 9mm at her. My arm started aching but I didn't give a fuck, this bitch got me fucked up.
"Please tell me who the fuck you think you are? Slapping me and shit. You not my bitch so I don't know why you worried about what I'm doing," I said.
"So you that nigga now that you got a gun huh?" she said.
"You damn right," I responded.
She scoffed and shook her head, "I fucking hate you,"
"Then why are you here? You showed up at my house yelling at me for some stupid ass shit," I said.
I tossed the gun on the floor and slowly pulled my shirt over my head, careful not to hurt my arm in the process.
"Let yourself out," I said.
She didn't move, I approached her and grabbed her by her arm. I was about to throw her out, but the look in her eyes made me change my mind. We were staring at each other, I was trying to figure out why I'm such a dick towards her.
I put my hands on her waist and kissed her.
She kissed me back at first but then she came to her senses and pushed me.
"Don't touch me Jordan,"
I wasn't hearing it though, I kissed her again. Her legs instantly wrapped around my waist when I picked her up and placed her on my bed.
"Stop Jordan," she said,
I still wasn't hearing it, I took her clothes off and looked her dead in her eyes.
She was no longer resisting, she just laid underneath me as tears rolled down her cheeks.
Even though I treat Nala like she ain't shit to me, she's everything to me. I just have a weird way of showing it.
"Jordan," Nala said, her tone barely above a whisper.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too," I responded while kissing on her neck.
This time I wasn't saying that so I could get some pussy. I said that shit cause I meant it.
I mean, we only 17 and we barely know what love is.. But I know the feelings I got for her are deeper than 'like'. I wasn't there for her today because I was scared.. Scared of somebody actually needing me, so I let her down.
I was trying to protect my feelings and I ended up hurting hers in the process.
I'm a selfish asshole. I know. But that's just how I deal with things.
Now I see how much she needed me and how much it hurt her when I wasn't there.
