dear diary

*skip* Day 55, 2014

It's been a while now.
I miss you..

Everyday i go to school facing the same troubles, But this time you're not here to save me...

I can't go to you for reassurance or just when i need a friend.

The bullying has only become worse since you left, i can't help but still think, why?  You left me alone after telling me that you'd be here for me.

I still go to school expecting to see you at out lunch table. But you never appear. I've moved back to the table over by the trash, where i won't be spotted as a target for niki.

I go home everyday hoping to see you on my front porch or at least have you come over. But that never happens...

I still love you...

I still hope that maybe one day you'll come back and tell me that you love me. I wish i could have a fairy tale ending...

But that's just not meant for me.
__________________

I got home after school today, mascara ruined by the tears streaming down my face.
Clothes ruffled up after being shoved and pulled at.

I shut my door hard, the sound of the bang ringing in my ears.
all the comments repeating in my head, like a broken record.

"You're ugly"
"You're a loser"
"Just go kill yourself"
"No one likes you anyway"

I feel my heart start to feel heavier as i feel faint.

I grab some water from my school bag and sit down on my bed.
Why couldn't you just be here.

I can't handle the life i live.
The bully's. My family. My grades. Stress. Constantly looking for a life distraction.
Why do that when i could end it all now?
You wouldn't be here to stop me...

__________________

I held the sharp blade in my hand. Would i really do this? Is it really worth it?
Of course it is. All the pain would be over. I don't have family or friends that'll miss me. Why not?

I touched the point to my stomach. I stopped there feeling too nervous to continue.

Tears blurred my vision and i pushed my self to do it.
I pushed the knife in further whispering to myself..

"i love you logan"

But to my surprise...

"I love you too lucy" i heard as my eyes shot towards the door. Logan walked in and as soon as he saw me, shock, worry and terror was present on his face. Like the first time we met. vision started to fade and the last thing i saw was logan rushing towards me, before drifting into darkness...

__________________

Lucy jane
Birth date: 1999 July 6th
Death date: 2014 July 4th