Reviews Corner-on Request

Becoming the perfect bitch

Review by sasmina

Becoming the perfect bitch
By
Resserell

Cover
The cover is good but can be more better.
Rate:3/5

Detail Area
The detail area is too elaborated and it tells the story before it started.
So here's what the writer could do

I,Avery Crawford promise to fulfill every rules to become a perfect bitch.

When all the doors are closed ,you have to accept anything that comes in the way to survive.

Then the quote......

Story:

Becoming the perfect bitch,tells us a story about a innocent girl turning to a bitch because it's the only option left to survive.

Rate:3/5

Improvements needed:

1. The writer has a problem of using I continously.
I suggest the writer to merge two sentences by using and which that and many other words.

2.Use of quotation mark (" ")is improper .

While using quotation mark a comma is used and also it's used when someone said something.

For example

"I have been playing all day,"he said.

I can see the writer using same quotation mark for two or three sentence which looks messy.

3. The dialogue and the person who said the particular dialog should be in same sentence.

For example
Writer's mistake
"I have been playing all day".He said that looking at me.

"I have been playing all day,"he said that looking at me.

4.Also as I turn to next chapter the length in a para is too long so need a bit spacing.

Personal view of reviewer

Well your story is going great,use of vocabulary is nice and no mistake in grammar.
Just on the following things I said before.

I can't point out every particular example of mistake so if you want help ask me I'll point it out by commenting and you can delete it.

But here are 2 that I noted down.

1. While she is having a conversation with her dean in chapter 1
"I am so disappointed in you,Avery",said the dean looking at me.........

2. The moment she is taking the oath there should be space between blythe and Avery's dialog.

Lastly,I want to tell you I'll support this book with these few changes cause I think the story is intresting.

Best of luck!