Trying to Survive My Insane Heart...

Chapter 15: Scarlett

I woke up the morning after hearing about Christian to a pain in my chest. He had seemed so happy literally the day before he committed... I couldn't even think the word; his death couldn't be real... I pulled my laptop out from under my bed which of course had my latest half written chapter of my fanfiction on it and went to Christian's Facebook page. I scrolled through all the memories- him being in the school play, him singing with the honor choir, Alexandria's seventeenth birthday party- all these things that he would never do again because he took his own life... We all hate him for it because now the pain he was suffering through isn't gone at all... it lives on through every single one of us who have to think about the reasons that he will never see a woman walk down an isle towards him, the reason that he will never have children, and go to college. The sadness overwhelmed me when I realized that I was looking at a dead man's social media page. I shut my computer trying my hardest to hold back tears.

I got off my bed and hop/jumped to the bathroom for my shower. After duct taping a garbage bag around my cast I showered for a good thirty minutes letting out all my emotions and stress. I told myself that Christian wouldn't want me to be sad, he would want me to move on get things done so that others can be happy too. I probably would never again be able to watch Hercules with the same love I had for it before.

I got out and dressed in my usual jeans and a band shirt. Then commenced to brushing my think long brunette hair. My phone buzzed right before I finished, I practically dived onto my bed, brush still in hand, to see who had texted me.

"Hey beautiful, are you down for a lunch date today? Great way to start off the perfect birthday week right? I would call you but I'm in early morning choir right now and Rogers would kill me. Then after lunch we can go bowling or play monopoly or maybe just chill? I don't know you pick."

"Good morning handsome, and I don't know I have work this morning but I get off at noon does that work for you?"

"That works great for me. Where do you want to go?" he said.

"Wherever you want to." I replied.

"Pizza Factory, Olive Garden, Chipotle, Café Rio... you pick."

"I don't want to though."

"We are the most indecisive couple ever I swear." I could practically hear him saying this.

"You know that's right."

"Scarlett. Pick."

"Fine. I'm more in the mood for either Pizza Factory, or Café Rio."

"So between those which would you rather have?"

"How about you pick between the two?"

"I say Pizza but whatever you want hun."

"I'll make us reservations at Pizza Factory for 12:30 how does that sound?"

"Perfect. <3 See you then beautiful."

"See you then handsome." Putting down my phone I grabbed my glasses off the nightstand. I put them on and went to look in the full length mirror to examine what I looked like today. Same as always. Piercing green eyes stared back at me, my damp hair falling stick straight at my sides and the ever present scars on my wrists. More self-conscious than I had been before I grabbed Cass' over sized jacket and hobbled out of my room.

After grabbing a bagel and hopping into my car, I drove across town to the library, I unlocked the front doors, and turned on all the lights. This allowed the light to shine on our thousands of books. The air smelled as always of printed pages and also faintly of rain as does every building in the city does. I grabbed the rather large cart from behind the counter and dragged/hobbled over to the shelves to restock them.