A Star Wars TFA Prequel: "Why Aren't You Scared of Me?"

Blurred Lines: Part 1

I find Hux in his room, sitting on the bed with Phasma. They stop talking when I walk in through the open door and I can tell it's because they've been talking about me.

"Phasma I need to talk to Hux, alone," I say, not looking at her, but at Hux. His bright blue eyes flicker to mine, then away. Phasma gets up without a word and leaves.

I close the door after her, then lock it.

Hux stands up from the bed. Did Phasma tell him I just lost Rey?

"Tell me what you want," I say softly, my hand still on the door handle. My stomach clenches tight. The pain of losing Rey is still so raw that I can't take a full breath. Master Snoke seems to think Hux's attachment to me is a problem. If it's anything like how I feel about Rey, then he's not going to be happy about what I came here to tell him.

"What I want?" he asks, sitting back down. "With what?"

"With me." I walk over to the bed and sit beside him.

"Nothing." Hux shifts over slightly, putting some distance between us.

"Grand Master wants to erase your memory," I say.

"What? Why?"

"He wants to take away the memories that have made you attached to me."

Hux doesn't say anything, but he looks angry.

"He's going to erase all my memories of Rey, so I won't have to feel like this anymore." I swallow hard. I could never have properly loved Rey anyway. I can only hope that someone, someday will.

Hux's shoulders slump and he bows his head. I sigh. He needs to forget how he feels about me, if we're going to be leaders together in the First Order. Master Snoke is wise. I should have listened to him in the first place. He said no touching anyone, but I held Rey in my arms. He said no attachments, but I let Rey into my heart. The sound of her desperate cries in the cargo ship office come back to me again and I clench my fists. I have to make this pain go away. I have to stop thinking about it, but I can't. I want to feel something else, anything.

"I got to say goodbye to Rey," I say, turning to Hux. "I got to hug her and tell her I loved her." I hesitate for a second before continuing. "I know how you feel about me."

Hux gives me an angry glare. "I feel nothing but hate towards you."

I wipe at some wayward tears that escape, despite my efforts to stop them. "I hate Rey too, for making me love her this much."

Hux looks away. "Can you tell Snoke to have your memories erased too?"

"He is erasing my memories."

"No, I mean memories of me."

"Of you? Why?"

"Because... Just..." Hux lets out a slow breath. He tries again then stops, seeming unable to say what he wants to say.

"Can I read your thoughts?" I ask. "Would it help?"

"No."

We sit in silence for a moment and then he speaks again, "you asked me what I want."

I nod, bracing myself for his answer. It's his last night with me before his memory is erased. It only seems fair to give him a chance to say goodbye, in his own way.

"I want..."

I wait, my heart beginning to race.

"I'm really tired," he says, looking down at the ground. "I just want to lay down."