Family Life

To Leave or Stay

Guess, who's publishing this chapter on time? That's right! Karen is!

See, I already had this story written, it was like the second or third chapter I wrote down, but I waited to publish it because it seemed very similar to the first chapter, Family Life, so I wanted to pust some stories in between them.

Finally, the time has come for you to read it!

To Leave or Stay

What woke Alec up was a trembling voice.

"Dad?" he heard, as a tiny hand gripped his left sleeve and tugged at it.

Forcing the sleep away from his eyes, he managed to raise his head from Magnus' chest and focused them on the boy in front of him. Alec absently heard the distant murmur of the television and, yawning, the shadowhunter reached for the remote control —same that had fallen to the floor at some point— and turned it off.

They were in the living room, in which Magnus and Alec had stayed until late after putting Max to sleep, watching a series that hadn't been quite successful at keeping them awake.

He smiled at his son, still straining to keep his eyes open.

Max was already two years old, with his big, black eyes and generally obedient ways, he was an easy boy to have around most of time. He was cheerful, talkative and... and he was crying, Alec noted, finally washing the drowsiness away and jumping out of the couch so he could kneel in front of the toddler.

"Hey, what happened?" he asked gently as he took Max's hands in his, looking into those hazed eyes he loved so much worriedly.

"I-I had a bad dream" Max stuttered. "But when I went to your room you weren't there and I-I thought you had left" he managed to explain through his ragged breathing.

"We wouldn't leave our little blueberry, would we?" Alec said, smiling fondly, but as all answer Max only renewed his crying. "C'mere" he offered, taking the boy into his arms before standing up. "See, your father is still here, snoring like a bear" he assured, pointing at Magnus with his head; that at least managed to make Max laugh, but soon enough he was circling Alec's neck fearfully, as if to convince himself that his father was not going to disappear.

Alec simply let him do, tightening his hold around the toddler in a silent assurance of support.

"It's okay, see?" he started to murmur after a while, feeling the boy in his arms slowly losing the tension of his muscles at the sound of his soothing voice. "It's okay".

To be fair, this wasn't something that happened very often, so all that Alec could do was walk through the darkened corridors of the house until he reached Max's bedroom, bouncing him gently —like Robert had instructed him to do— and still whispering reassurances from time to time.

It took around ten minutes until Max had completely calmed down, which Alec could say as the despaired sobs that bothered his son slowly started to diminish, until they finally stopped. However, he didn't lessen in the least his arms around Max's body and continued to sway him gently from side to side as he, too, walked in circles around the boy's room.

Only some minutes later, Alec knew that Max had fallen asleep because of the rhythmic intakes of breath that he felt tickle in the crook between his neck and left shoulder —where Max had supported his head— let him feel.

The shadowhunter couldn't help the soft smile that lit his features, and after gently ruffling his boy's hair, he finally directed himself to the bed in the middle of the room and tucked Max in.

He took a moment to look at his boy and wiped away the dry traces of tears from his cheeks, smiling down at him.

It was only then that the painful realization hit him—this boy, sweet and cheerful as he was had been abandoned. It had been years in the past, Max didn't have a way of knowing, Magnus and he had never given him any reasons to be afraid of being forsaken, then why... why was it that he feared it?

Soon enough, Alec found himself smiling with a sad expression instead of a peaceful one.

Maybe Max didn't consciously know it, he wasn't aware of what had happened, but... Alec really couldn't say that such a fear was unjustified. Max was lucky, he had been left at the doorstep in which decent people lived, and not monsters that wouldn't have second-thought ignoring the baby and leaving him outside for him to fend for himself like, well, pretty much the one who had left him there in the first place. He had been found by people who were bound to take him in and to look after him the way he deserved, and, more importantly, he was loved, he was loved. No matter what had happened in the past, no matter what his biological family had done, no matter what the Council had to say on the matter, he was loved, and that was the one thing that Alec was sure of.

"It's okay now, Max. It won't ever happen, I promise" he whispered, kneeling next to the bed just so he could lean down to press a soft kiss into Max's forehead. And it was then that he was forced to dwell on how he couldn't promise such a thing, and not because he didn't want to, but because he plainly couldn't do it.

He would leave, not because he wished to do it, not willingly, but he would. He would leave when Death called to his door, when his mortal life met his end, and Alexander Lightwood, better than anyone, knew that the long-feared Death couldn't be avoided, maybe postponed, maybe fooled, but not avoided, and when it came, he would have to answer the call, and leave, leave behind whatever he had loved, his friends, his family, Magnus, his son...

It had been a while ever since such dark thoughts had dared to cross his mind, and he had become very successful at pushing them away too, but suddenly they were back, stronger than ever. And he knew, just as certainly, that once his mind started wandering, there was no way to stop it from reaching conclusions that he was better without.

Alec bit his lip in worry and stood up, gulping sadly before he directed himself to the entrance of the room to return to the living room and the couch. He had almost reached the doorknob when he suddenly stopped and turned on his heels, walking right back to the bed his son laid in and decided to change his plans for the night.

Carefully, he managed to make a space for him in the mattress and slid into it; he hadn't even placed the coves over him, when Max had already moved from his previous spot and into his chest, still sleeping, a soft smile placed on his lips.

Sighing fondly, Alec circled Max's shoulders with both his arms and leaned on the headboard, his thoughts still racing.

He knew it was almost hypocrite of him to complain about the fact that he had decided to surround himself with immortal creatures when he was a mortal; he had chosen that life, every part of it—and he knew he wouldn't change it, not for all the gold in the world, not for all the Angel's power. He'd made his move, and he enjoyed it, as painful as he knew the ending would be.

But he could choose this one time too. Maybe he had no saying on when or where or why he'd leave, and he had none because if he could have, he'd chosen not to say his farewells at all, but dutiful as he was, he knew that such a thing wasn't possible.

And yet he could still choose what to do with the time he had left. He only had the then and there, the right now, and he could choose. And every time, every single time until his very own time on Earth was over, he'd chose to stay, to stay with the people who loved him, who needed him; to stay with the people he loved back.

I'm sorry, I know this is a lot sadder than the other chapters are, but I just couldn't keep the image of Alec holding baby Max to his chest while fearing for his own death it's kindof... bittersweet, if you ask me, and very cute.

So, good news for you to forgive me, spring break is coming and, hopefully, I will be able to write and publish a bunch of things during this period of time! Also, I finally managed to get my things together and my pendants list seems to be going fine, which means I can actually promise the next chapter in two weeks from now!

Read you soon! :3