crybaby: his life + a phan au [REWRITING]

- | Dear Porcupine | -

[ third person, re-write ]

Curious glances. Dan Howell always received thirteen of those every single bloody day.

Murmurs. Dan Howell also received those thirteen of those every single damning day. Yes, it is tiring, yes, it is self-esteem lowering.

But he had to live like this. Bloody like this.

The scars he had on his face would explain those things he would always acquire when the days pass.

The scars he has from the bottles that he always tripped in. The scars that he receives whenever he trips on heels. The scars he has from those razors.

Caused by what?

Family.

His mother is an alchoholic, who drinks Whiskey with cough syrup. Gin with a bit of medicine. It is sickening, as you would imagine. His damn mother can't control herself, bottles and broken glass everywhere. Ready to sting Dan's feet and face whenever those bloody bottles want.

Meanwhile, his father was a sugarcoated, lying, cheating, and untrustworthy bastard. Fucking girls senseless here, there, every fucking where. It was disgusting and untrustworthy. It's unsanitary, oh how little Daniel knew. Heels being left in his house, casually tripping on them, making his scars worse.

Lastly, his brother was basically a high creature with a brain, a heart, dysfunctional emotions, and hormones. Rolling those sharp razors across his face whenever he was asleep. God, it was painful. Very painful. His brother wasn't really like this, something just happened. In which Dan knew, and was aware of.

"Dan! Oh my God, Dan! They're so deep!" A British accent rang from the hallways. He looked, and found a blonde with pink highlights. Louise. Apart from his cousin, Melanie, Louise and Troye were his only friends. It was sad, but at least he had them. They were always on his side.

"Yeah, I think the bloke knows that, Lou," Troye rolled his eyes. Louise shot him a glare, yet Troye shrugged it off.

The two friends came hugging him, Dan sensed comfort.

"What razors did he use?" Louise whispered.

"Sanctus razors. The Aliums were not on sale, they were damn expensive. Adrian went on a fucking riot at Ventrote's store, it was rather embarrasing, really," Dan chuckled darkly. Louise looked at him with a soft expression, while Troye's face looked unnerving, yet comforting at the same time.

"Your mum?"

"Watch it, Mellet. It's always Mother with me. Never 'mum'. Sorry if I'm all hissy today, there were even worse murmurs and stares, it unnerved me," sighed Dan.

"It's fine, Dan. We get it, and you are 17, going through puberty, I think it's pretty normal for you going on hissy fits. Tyler and Connor could not handle me yesterday, yet I don't really feel sorry," Troye scoffed playfully, making Dan smile a bit.

"If you do throw hissy fits at us, it's fine." Louise assured.

"Yeah, fine,"

Nope, Dan was not at all fine.

& & &

"Are you sure of that Mr. Lester? Incants were not born at 1769, those were the times of the Traitors, not the Incants. Study please, not that I wouldn't be okay of failing you. I really want you to try your best," Mrs. Pumpkins sighed, rubbing her temples as she was stressed.

"I apologise, Mrs. Pumpkins, I really do try my best, you know," Phil Lester. The Boy-Who-Every-One-Favoured. Not the Boy-Who-Lived. Jet black hair, breathtaking blue eyes, sharp cheekbones, precise jawline, pale skin. That's just the looks, personality will awe you, yet it will also surprise you.

Famous and favoured boys are mostly stereotyped as snobby, snappy, and sour. The SSS.

No, not this famous boy. Respectful, resourceful, and righteous. The RRR.

He will always give respect to other people, even if he dislikes those people. Find a smart and alternative way of solving something a wee bit complicated. Righting what is ought to prohibited and unrighteous. Yes, a goody-goody.

Girls are all over him, yet he stays loyal to one.

No one.

He's a single doll in a toyshop. Without an owner of his heart. But the jet-black haired boy never seemed to mind. He was a free elf. And he accepted that.

No riding the boat of relationships for him, no sir.

"Howell? Are you okay?" asked a feminine voice.

Jade.

Jade Valdis was also his friend, not too close though.

"Jade, yeah. I'm just - "

"Busy looking at Philip Johnny Lester with motherfucking heart eyes? Yeah. Busy." Those words rolled off Valdis' tongue, what did Howell roll? His eyes.

"I was staring at him out of pity, Jade! Watch it, a'ight? I think it's horrid how he couldn't answer a simple question on Traitors and Incants! I memorised the whole Syndale chart, for crying out loud!" he huffed. Jade shook her head, and continued focusing on her drawing. She was quite the drawer.

The lesson continued with a bore, Dan began tapping his fingers. It was a very annoying habit he had.

Click. Tun. Click. Tun.

"Hey girl, open the walls, play with your dolls, we'll be a perfect family," Dan hummed.

"When you walk away, is when we really play," Dan continued.

"You don't - "

"Mr. Howell, please stop singing," asked the teacher.

Dan's expression was inpassive, yes, he did have emotions. But he lost them quite some time now.

"Of course," he snapped, and continued taking notes. This was not his favourite subject, but just for the sake of passing, he has to control himself.

& & &

"Troye, you won't believe what happened between Tyler and Connor - !" came the gossip queen, Angela.

"What now, Angela? Could you please get your abnormally large mouth of their businesses?" Troye hissed, but Angela ignored.

"They've been fighting - !"

"I don't give a fuck! I don't like them in that way! I'm straight - "

"As a circle," Dan scoffed. Troye glared at him.

Troye and Dan headed off to leave Angela blabbering about Connor and Tyler, about them fighting over Troye. Yeah, Troye has fooled with both boys and girls, but he always considered himself as straight. Which was odd.

"Melanie, pleasure to see you here," Troye began.

"Mellet, please. Don't start." Melanie sighed.

Troye rolled his eyes, while Melanie started talking about leaving her insane household. Not as insane as his, though.

He just wants to live normally. Normal life. Normal school. Normal family.

But normal sucks.

What he wants is happiness.

And Phil Lester is apparently the one who makes him feel that. Exactly that.

rewritten: november 10, thursday 6:40 PM, Australia