Kardashing away from this mess

Yoinkers!

Scott had to make $50 grand. Fast. He didnt want to loose his [dead] pet George. But how?
On a long shot, Scott decided to try stand up comedy. For George.
•••
As he walked into a random club he saw on the street next to Justice, he signed up as the next person to try out.
As he was waiting, he saw lots of drunk people and girls dancing in Vogue dresses wearing a ton of Sephora makeup. This didnt look like a comedy club now!
Scott thought, but he decided not to judge a book by its cover. He figured that out the hard way if you knew what he meant.
"Scott Disisk! Youre up on the stage!"
He walked up and tapped the microphone.
"Testing..one...two...three!"
Then the DJ stopped the music and everyone stopped dancing. The DJ was slowing shaking his head and everyone started to glare at Scott.
"Hello...im Scott...and i have a story to tell you."
"Hey kid, shut up!" Someone said from the audience.
"Thats rude. I didnt even start yet." Scott tapped the microphone again.
"What does a nosy pepper do?"
"What?" The crowd stopped.
"Get jalapeño business!"
Scott started giggling. He was doing this for George. He started laughing hysterically for 5 minutes straight. The DJ turned the music back on and everyone was dancing. Then Scott tried to calm down. Just kidding! He went up to the DJ, ripped apart the equipment, and threw it across the stage. Scott went back to the microphone and made another pun. He acted like nothing happened.
"Where the middle children out there!" Scott screamed. Nobody raised their hands.
"Good job everyone! A+ for self esteem. Luckily youre not the favorite child! In fact, everyone hates you!" Scott started to laugh hysterically again.
But it wasnt funny enough! Everyone started to throw eggs at him until he was banned from the club. He started to cry and sob and went inside Justice to smoke a cigarette.
Then a mom walked up to Scott and asked him a question.
"Hey man, arent you the guy from Buzzfeed that was living in a tent? From the Kardashians right?"
Scott just sobbed harder. He was tired of her undeniable trash talk. He unlit his cigarette, and shoved it down the back of her shirt. He ran out of the store.
Wait. He noticed something. Another contest. Today was the last day to enter.
Win $50,000! Help the animals. Animal modeling! Put some hot fleeky outfits on your pet, and send a picture to us, Justice: Animal Style! We'll give you the check on the spot. Join us today! Only 3 winners. Make sure to send in a high quality picture!
Scott instantly had an idea. He would sacrifice George in order to win the contest. In his pocket, he took out George and put some Justice clothing on him. He took a lot of pictures using his black iPhone 3G and Kylies photoshop manager to make George look alive and less rotting. But he decided to keep a little bit of mold, because that's model material in Clammy Comedians. He sent in the high quality photos and waited for a response.
•••
The next day, Kylie and Kendall came to Scotts tent as he was staring at his emails.
"What the even heck are you doing, Scott?"
"Waiting for an email. Its jalapeño business!"
Kylie just glared at Scott. Did he have too many beers last night? Or any at all? Was he doing something with George? Who knows!
About an hour later, Scott actually got an email. He had won 3rd place with the $50k prize! He showed Kylie and Kendall the email and was totally excited.
"Umm, Scott, can i see your phone for a second?" Kendall asked.
"Sure." He handed her the phone.
"About your...money? Its Justice bucks."
"WHAT?! Let me see that." Scott grabbed the phone out of her hand and couldnt see where she saw that.
"Right here. It says in the fine print. If you won 2nd or 3rd place, you win Justice bucks instead of real money. Too bad." Kendall started laughing and walked away to her limo.
Kylie was screaming with joy. She even accidentally stepped on George. She just won herself 5 new cars and a new house!
"My hamster! You hurt my hamster!" Scott started to cry, and for the wrong reasons.
"Scott, its already dead." Kylie picked up the dying green hamster and called for her dog.
"Norm! Come here! I have a treat for you."
"What are you doing...?" Scott started to sweat.
"Be quiet you old rag. You didnt pay all my money in time. The hamster is mine. So is your house, 5 cars, and the $100,000 dollars you just paid me."
Scott started to hyperventilate.
"Norm! Try some new foods!" She fed George to her dog. He was gone. He was fully dead. Scott started to cry and considered to get hit by a bus to be with George in heaven, or down there in Sinnersland.
"Kylie! You coming or what? We're leaving." Kendall screamed from the limo.
"Away from this pathetic loser? Im in!" Kylie ran to the limo and the two drove off. "Have fun living in a tent!"
Scott gave up on life. He lost his best friend. He went into his tent and took a nap, hoping to wake up to something beautiful.