Quirky, Eccentric Parents

Chapter 4

An NT child who doesn't attune to or assimilate with his Aspie parents might rebel. Because the Aspie doesn't know why his child is rebelling or doesn't understand the pain the NT child is going through, he ignores the rebelling. The child increases the negative behavior just to try to get his parents' attention. This negative behavior might include cutting, bullying, drug use, or suicide. It may include reckless driving, promiscuous sex, or violence.

An NT child can suffer from significant Complex-PTSD due to the constant negative experiences in his life. He lacks the support system and guidance to learn how to survive in the world. He lacks someone backing up his decisions and providing a stable base from which he can explore his world early on. He lacks the ability to turn to someone when he bruises his knee or hurts his feelings. He begins to feel as though no one cares about him, and no one is looking out for him.

Children who are temporarily removed from the home of Aspie parents and put into foster care are sometimes exposed to the reality of how different their home environment truly is. They love their parents, but they hate the inability of their parents to be like the parents of their peers. For some, the happy memory of a loving and supportive foster care family actually outweighs anything that their parents had ever been able and willing to provide for them at home.

The neurotypical child suffers significantly with emotional distress in later life due to relations with Aspies. The NT is usually attracted to an Aspie because he or she has been around Aspies in their families for so long. Aspie life is familiar to them. So, they find Aspie friends and Aspie partners to hang around with. They surround themselves with people who cannot adequately provide them warmth, empathy, a sense of belonging and adequate physical and social contact.

The NT might struggle even further when they decide to have children. The NTs child is born, and then he or she cannot attune to the child. If the child is tested, the NT might learn that their own child is also born with Asperger's. They find themselves in a home, surrounded by an Aspie husband, Aspie grandparents, and Aspie children. They feel extraordinarily and painfully alone. They might also still be surrounded by the quirky and somewhat anti-social Aspie friends that they have always been drawn to.

The neurotypical adult might also pursue a line of work that surrounds them with Aspies. They might specialize in computer programming, and then might find themselves in a workplace filled with Aspies. Their bosses and coworkers might tell them often that they don't understand them. They might struggle to fit in with Aspie coworkers. The Aspies being around them might make them feel emotionally invalidated in the same way that their parents invalidated them. They may be picked on and bullied by people at work who view them as being different. This sets the NT up for failure in the workplace, completely oblivious to the fact that their workplace interactions are triggering the same emotional wounds they have experienced in childhood.

In the same way that the Aspie adult grows up and enters the world feeling lost, the neurotypical feels lost for most of his or her life because he or she is in a world that doesn't make sense. Unable to assimilate to the neurotypicals due to her familiarity and history with Aspies, she feels misunderstood by the neurotypicals. She is raised by socially averse people, and thus she is also shy like her parents to some extent.

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