Agoraphobia

religion

Dear God,

Remember when I was
seven years old and I
prayed that special
prayer that let you into
my heart?

Remember when I
thought you had my
best interest in mind
and I thought that you
loved me?

Remember when I
thought that we were
all your children, and
that we would all go to
heaven with you?

But, you see, I was a
child when I believed all
of these things.

God, why is it that when
I needed you the most,
you were never there?

Why is it that when I
prayed to you that night
with tears in my closed
eyes, and blood running
down my open vein, you
never responded?

Why is it that every time
my mother prayed to you,
my father only drifted
further away?

Why is it that the
preachers tell us that you
love all of your children,
but all I see is the pain in
their eyes and you doing
nothing?

Truth is God, I don't love
you. I don't understand
how you could watch
the world you made
slowly destroy itself,
and not do anything
about it.

I don't understand
how "everything
happens for a reason"

I don't understand
how two men loving
each other is wrong,
or how a stillborn
baby is right because
like I said "everything
happens for a reason"

I'll never understand
You. How you could let
your own children
hate themselves.

And God, I hate you.
I hate your religion.
I hate how no matter
how far I run from you,
I still feel your shackles
around my feet.

I still regret when I use
your name in vain. I
still feel shunned when
I am near your "house"

God, I hate you because
every time I kiss the
guy I love, I wonder
if he can taste the sin
you engraved into my
body.

But God, I thank you.
Not for me, but for my
mother who would break
her back for you. I thank
you for giving her that
false hope when my
father left us broken.

And although I will
never love you, I can
only hope you let me
go, because your shackles
are slowly killing me.