Selfishly Possessive

Chapter Twenty-Six

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: OCTOBER 16TH, 2016

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

Saturday, November 3rd

            You know that feeling that you get when your chest hurts and you can't breathe? When shock is setting in and you can't think right, move right, or do anything right at all?

            Well, that's how I start the morning.

            Gasping, I sit up in bed, bringing my hands to my forehead. My hands come away damp from sweat.

            Great. Another nightmare.

            I've had several this week and each time I think I'm feeling better, each time I think things are getting better, another nightmare scares me awake in the middle of the night and I'm back to square one.

            I glance at the time on my phone and see that it's seven in the morning on a Saturday.

            Not bad, I think. At least I got in a few hours since I went to bed, which was at, like, two.

            I sigh and throw my phone back down on the bed. I might as well get up because from a week full of experience, I know that no matter how hard I try, I'll have no luck with attempting to go back to sleep.

            I slip out of bed and grab a discarded sweatshirt from the floor to slip on over my tank top. I could honestly care less about the fact that I've worn it almost every night this week after I've made it home from school. It's not like anyone is going to see me, anyway. There's no one left who cares.

            I check my face in the mirror and grimace at the sight of my makeup free reflection. I gently nudge the bags under my eyes with a finger and linger for only a moment longer before turning away and putting my hair in a bun and walking towards the door to exit my room.

            I make my way downstairs and head straight towards the kitchen. Rounding the corner, I am shocked with the sight of my mom at the stove, fixing eggs.

            "Holy shi--crap, I mean. Holy crap, Mom. You scared me." I exclaim, grabbing my chest to calm my racing heart. The pressure in my chest was just going away after that nightmare, but now it's back at full blast.

            My mom shuffles the eggs onto two plates that already have toast on them and turns off the burner. She turns around and leans against the counter, then looks at me full on, sadness a prominent emotion on her face.

            "Carson, we need to talk."

            I swallow, feeling like I'm in trouble, but I don't have any clue as to what for. I nod and sit at the table, still in shock that she's going to have an actual conversation with me. The world really is tipping on its axis.

            "I'm--" my mom starts, seeming to have trouble finding words. "I'm not, well, I'm not completely fine yet, but I want you to know that I'm going to try. The other night, when you showed up in my room in tears, you finally broke through my emotional walls. And I realized that I've been a terrible mother to you. And I'm sorry."

            "Mom," I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. "It's fine," I say even though it's not fine. Not at all. But I forgive her because she's coming around for me in a time when I'm needing her most.

            "No." She shakes her head, her jaw set. "It's not fine. You've needed a mom and I've just checked out on you. I left you to take care of this family, to take care of this house, to take care of yourself all alone when it's my responsibility. And I need to be better. I will be better. For you, Carson."