A Future to Call Our Own

Chapter 5 - Truth Between Lies

Chapter 5
Truth Between Lies

I found myself in my room, laying in my bed. Nobody was in here with me. Just me, myself, and I.
It was dark outside. I wondered how much time had passed.
Getting up slowly, I didn't remember what I dreamed about, nor how I got here. I think . . . I passed out? Right, I did. Because I've been scared and worried sick . . .
Opening my door, I found rain starting to pummel my head. My stomach was rumbling. I might as well just get some food and retreat back into my cabin to fight my demons to myself.
And I did just that, not seeing anyone. I wonder where they were? I guess if it's really late, then they're asleep. I glanced at the clock in the restaurant, seeing it was midnight. Ah, that explains it.
It was starting to rain harder, making me stay inside the restaurant to eat in a lonely silence. At least it would give me time to think about whatever I had dreamt about . . . it's too fuzzy and distorted for me to remember.
I kept trying over and over again to focus on it-- but nothing would surface.
I wanted to go crawl into my bed and sleep, but I didn't feel tired. I wanted to focus on anything besides these memories of Izuru and Ultimate Despair. I wanted to leave this island with Komaeda and leave all of these worries. I wanted them to wake up finally so that way I could leave. I didn't want to deal with any of this anymore. I don't want to choose. I don't want to make choices.
I want, want, want . . .
After while, I found myself walking in this darkness, in the pouring rain. I didn't know where I was going. All it would lead to would be a big circle just back to where I was. I'm going to go insane on this island. I need to leave. I need Komaeda. I need to escape. I need to get help. I need to talk to someone. I need Chiaki.
I need, need, need . . .
I was completely drenched with rain now, still walking with thoughts drowning out everything else. I then found myself at the library, looking up at its tall windows, barely making out its shape in the darkness. I went inside, seeing it was darker than outside, itself. The flash of lightning was the only thing that was lighting up the inside of the building before I found myself slowly falling to the ground in pain and mental exhaustion. Just like that one night on the beach, I felt someone gently place their hand on my shoulder as I was lying on the cold floor, shivering. I didn't look behind me to see who it was, I didn't care at the particular moment.
"Come on, Hajime, get up. You can do it," their voice rang out throughout the library. I still didn't look at them. My shivering continued. "Well, come on now, Hajime." They eased my shoulder down, making me lay on my back on the wooden floor. I couldn't see their face in this darkness, just making out their figure above me.
They placed their soft hand on my forehead, brushing my wet hair out of my face. I felt warm streaks down my face. I felt anger starting to boil inside. I felt despair sinking in.
"Hajime," their voice was calm, soothing, "Come on, let's go. It's time to go back home."
I continued to stare ahead, not paying attention to them as they lifted me up with little effort. I stood on my feet, still lost in my thoughts. I didn't pay attention when they led me outside, onto the first island, at the beach, onto the dock. The rain continued to fall, my thoughts continued to torture me, their hand was still on my arm.
"Now," they led me to the end of the pier, right on the very edge, "all you have to do . . ." I felt their grip tighten on my arm, "is jump in, and you will come home, Hajime. You will finally be back with me, I will get to see you, and you will get to see me."
My gaze wasn't focused on anything. I was lost completely in my subconscious.
"Who . . . Who will I be seeing?"
"Well can't you recognize my voice, Izuru?" I heard them give a laugh. "Such despair . . . I absolutely," they shoved me, myself falling into the sea, "love you!"
And I continued to sink, sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean. I don't know if I tried to come back to the top, I don't know if anyone else heard or saw what happened. I don't know if she really was there. I don't know if they are reverting back to Ultimate Despair.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know . . .
. . .
How boring.
Such a pitiful way to die.
Throwing yourself into the ocean, expecting some peaceful way to die . . .
I wonder--
. . .
I felt a stinging pain on my left cheek. Someone was gripping hard onto my arm. I could hear the ocean. I could feel the rain.
I felt myself being pulled back, I heard my steps on the wood of the pier. Arms were wrapped around me, a head placed on my right shoulder.
"Please, Hajime . . ."
"Don't . . . Don't do this. Don't leave me . . ."
"Please, don't leave me, Hajime . . ."
This . . . voice?
Ah, that's right . . . he's here.
I felt him grip tighter onto me, I heard his violent sobs.
"K-Komaeda?" I called out, tears falling along with the rain.
I felt my arms subconsciously make their way around him, I felt myself wanting to collapse. He held on to me tightly, though, keeping me up as my legs went limp beneath me. "Komaeda . . ." I cried, holding more onto him, "Komaeda . . ."
He held onto my shoulders, leaning back to look at me. His hair was in his face, dripping, his clothes were drenched, as were mine.
I saw his figure leaning down towards me slightly, then feeling his lips upon mine. My hands went to the back of his head, I held onto him as if it were for the last time.
He let go of me, holding my hand as he led me back to the cottages, both of us staying silent. We went into his cottage, I stood in the middle of the room, feeling the water dripping off of me as he went into his bathroom to get towels. I felt myself sink to the floor, sitting with my hand to my forehead as my elbow was placed on my knee-cap.
Komaeda came back into the room, bearing a towel on his head, and kneeling down next to me to start drying my head, as well. He left the towel there, as he stood up again, starting to take off his shirt and pants so he could change. Going over to his dresser, he pulled out two pairs of his sweatpants, as well as two long-sleeved shirts. I looked up at him, feeling my cheeks become hot as I saw him half-naked with water dripping off of him. I quickly returned my gaze to the floor, as he finished dressing, kneeling back down to me, drying my hair some more as if I were a child.
"Stand up, Hinata-kun," he then pulled my hand, leading me to stand. I continued to stare blankly in front of me. He started unbuttoning my shirt, untieing my tie. I let him do what he needed to. I was in no mental-state to even do normal tasks. He moved to my pants, unzipping the zipper and easing them down. Then he placed his extra pair of sweatpants in front of me. "Step in, please." I did, and he guided them onto me. Then helping me into his extra shirt, as well.
"There, that's better." He grasped my hand again, leading me to his bed, myself sitting down as he continued to dry my hair, his towel placed on his head. Shortly after he threw the towels onto his shower to dry, turning off the lights, then coming over to sit next to me, curling his legs in a criss-cross. I was still staring blankly ahead, so out-of-tune with what was going on. I don't even know exactly how I had gotten to the pier anymore. Did I or did I not fall into the water?
I turned my head towards him, seeing him bearing a sad smile. His hand reached up to cup my cheek, and I brought my legs up onto the bed, lying on my back, him falling back with me on my chest. He looked at me with a glint in his gray eyes, my hands moving through his still slightly-damp hair.
I felt his head be placed on my chest, my arms wrapped around him. He fell asleep before me, quite quickly. I looked down at his hair delicately fallen over his face, his innocent expression, feeling his chest move up and down on mine.
"Komaeda . . ." I whispered, my hands moving through his hair again, "I . . . I love you."
. . .
I woke up the next morning with Komaeda still asleep in my arms. The rain was gone and past, sun was shining through his blinds. I eased my arms off of him, myself getting up, not necessarily caring what I looked like, and went outside to the restaurant to bring us back some food for later. I didn't want to go anywhere today. I just wanted to stay in his room, with him.
I got food for all three of our meals, snacks for in between, drinks for later . . .
Heading back to his cabin with food piled up in my arms, I opened his door silently, still seeing him sleeping. I set down the food quietly, putting what was cold into his mini-fridge before I crawled back into bed with him. He immediately seemed to wrap his arms around my frame, I felt so at ease in his embrace. I wanted to ask how he found me, I wanted to ask why he wanted to keep being with me. I wanted to give him gifts, to love him eternally . . .
I closed my eyes, taking in his scent, relaxing as best as I could.
He shuffled in my arms, I opened my eyes again to see his staring back at me.
"Ah, good morning, Hinata-kun. How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay, just happy you're still here," I sighed, sitting up. He did the same, bringing his arms around me, my head falling into the nape of his neck.
"I find it really strange, Hajime, how you like me as much as you do . . . Not even my own parents liked me this much."
I cuddled more into his neck, in return, he held me tighter, squeezing me for a moment before I sat back up straight, him glancing over to where I had placed the food.
"Hmm? Are we having a party, Hinata-kun?" he gave a smile, standing up, looking back over to what I had brought.
"Oh, no," I gave a sigh, "I just wanted to stay here today, if that's okay. I just wanted to bring food for us for later when we get hungry.
He looked at me for a moment in confusion, but then seemed to come to a realization. "Hmm, so we're going to stay here all day?"
"If . . . If that's okay," I looked down at my hands in my lap, feeling slightly embarrassed.
I then was lunged backwards with a weight that was thrown onto me, feeling kisses all over my face.
"Ah-AH!! K-Komaeda?! Wh-What are you doing?!" I screamed, starting to laugh as he tickled my sides.
"I get to have a whole day with Hinata-kun! This is exciting!" He continued to tickle my sides, kissing all over my face.
"K-Komaeda!" I eased him off of me, hugging him afterwards.
Letting him go, I sprawled back onto the bed, enjoying the sound of the waves as I relaxed more. Komaeda was still sitting on the other end of the bed, looking at me with a smile.
"Hm, what is it, Nagito?"
He was silent, just looking at me still. Then I saw his smile starting to falter, tears starting to fall down his face. I quickly sat up, grabbing his hands. "Wh-What's wrong, Nagito?"
I felt him hold my hands back, his head falling into my shoulder, continuing to sob. I let go of his hands and held them on his back, as did he.
"Hajime . . . why were you at the pier last night? It was because of . . . of her, right?"
It was the only reason I could think of, "Y-Yes, I think so . . ."
"Hajime . . ." I heard him speak, leaning back to look at me with tears in his eyes, "I will kill her. I will take that damned creation I made and I will end her life. I don't need her to create despair anymore. I don't know what I was thinking back then. I don't know . . . I can't imagine all I have caused by saving that brat. All this . . . pain I've caused you, and perhaps everyone in the whole world."
His voice continued to speak in a low tone, "How . . . How much pain have I caused you, Hajime? Please, beat me senseless, torture me, hit me and slap me . . . Do anything you wish to inflict whatever hurt I've put on you onto me."
I eased him back from my shoulder, looking into his eyes with my hands placed on his shoulders. I shook my head once, taking my hand to wipe away his tears from his cheeks. "Komaeda," I began, "It wasn't just you. It was all of us. It was Junko, herself." Though I told him this, it was even more difficult for me to follow my own advice.
He still looked unsure, just looking at me with silent tears continuing to spill from his eyes. I tried comforting him again, "Nagito, it wasn't just you. It was me, myself, that's caused a lot of pain, as well. I'm the cause for all of this," I sprawled my hands out, sweeping around us, "I uploaded the virus, and I got everyone into comas."
Nagito shuffled, holding his hands to his upper arms. I took them in mine, leaning down to kiss him.
"Please, Nagito . . ." his eyes moved to look at mine, "Please don't forget how much I care about you, too."
He nodded, starting to fall into my shoulder. I laid back on the bed, holding him close. I ran my fingers through his hair, I felt him starting to kiss on the nape of my neck. I started getting lost in thought. It wasn't as though it was particularly good, either. There were so many things. My mind kept wandering to different things. Things in the past. What things could become.
I sat up, seeing Komaeda look at me with worry. I don't know what took over me, what was going through my head.
But, as I crawled in between his legs, I started pulling down his sweatpants, my fingers on the lining of his boxers.
"H-H-Hajime?! Wh-What are you doing?" I felt his fingers under my chin, lifting it up for me to look at him. My vision was blurring, warm streaks were sliding down my cheeks. I stayed silent, as did he, as he examined my face. In silence, he cupped my face with both his hands, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Let me, Hinata-kun, if it will help you."
I shook my head, "D-Don't I have to do this? T-To let you know h-how much I c-care about you?" I let out a sob, my face falling onto his chest. I could hear his rapid heartbeats, letting myself relax as they calmed down more.
He placed his hand on the back of my head, soothing me more as I fell into a restless sleep.
. . .
When I awoke, I felt his pillow beneath my head, feeling warm and comfortable. I rubbed my eyes, looking around, seeing he wasn't anywhere in his room. Oh . . . I wonder where he's gone?
I went into his bathroom, grabbing my clothes off his shower, putting them on. His clothes were already gone, I guessed he changed into them before he left. It was afternoon, the sun was shining brightly into his room. I brushed my teeth, trying to pat down my never-ending spiked hair before I went out to look out for him.
I wonder where he could have gone?
Stepping outside onto the isle of cottages, I glanced around, seeing nobody in sight. Maybe the library?
Heading there with hands in my pockets, I didn't want to get too worried too soon. Or, maybe I just didn't have enough mental strength anymore to worry at the moment.
I approached the library, looking at its tall windows, giving me a sense of fear. Why was I scared?
Opening the door, I peeked my head in, glancing around. I didn't see him.
Come on, there's only six islands. It couldn't be that difficult to find him. I felt a little pain in my chest. I didn't know what necessarily caused it, but I guessed it would be secretly that I wanted him to stay with me the whole day, as I had selfishly wished to happen.
I went around the second island, then moving onto the central, the third, the fourth, the fifth. I found the others, but not Komaeda.
Sulking back to his cabin, I checked one more time, seeing him nowhere in sight. I slumped back to my cabin, defeated.
I didn't necessarily know what to do next. If I couldn't find him anywhere, where would he be? Surely he wouldn't leave the island without me, right?
. . .
For the rest of the day I helped Mikan tend to the patients, as well as Ibuki. What plan Komaeda and I had earlier to stay in his cottage all day seemed to just fade from our minds. Mikan accompanied me as I went in Ibuki's cottage, myself being cautious to not get hit again. She still seemed twitchy, but much more calmer than how she was before.
Sometimes I tried speaking to her, but Mikan would tell me otherwise, placing a hand on my shoulder. I went back to setting up another IV for her before leaving. Mikan stepped out of the cottage with me shortly after, looking at me with a worried glance.
"Is . . . Is everything okay, Hajime?" she placed a hand on my shoulder. "Y-Your muscles seem very tense. A-Are you stressed about something?"
I felt a pain in my chest again, my hand coming to my face to try and quickly wipe away the tear trying to escape.
"H-Hajime?" I heard her call out, her other hand being placed on my other shoulder. I started shaking.
"I-I'm sorry, I need to go."
And I started running. I didn't know where, I didn't know what I was trying to find. Maybe the evening sunset against the shore. Maybe the palm tree I always sat under. Maybe someone to hold on to. Someone that would comfort me . . .
I wonder . . . if it's too late?
Maybe . . . Maybe he reverted back to Ultimate Despair, and caught a delivery ship back to the Future Foundation . . .
I . . . I should warn them . . .
But . . . I'm . . . tired . . .
Tired . . . Hurting . . . Drained . . .
Des . . . pair . . .
. . .
Komaeda . . .
Where . . . Where is Komaeda?
. . .
I found myself calling the Future Foundation, seeing Makoto come up on the screen.
"Future Foundation, Makoto Naegi speaking."
"H-Hey M-Makoto . . ." I felt myself stuttering, having a lump in my throat. "Y-You still monitor th-this island, correct?"
His expression didn't seem fazed, "Yes, Hajime, why do you ask?"
"Have . . . Have you possibly seen Komaeda?"
He stayed silent for a moment, looking at something in his area. I guessed it was the cameras. I saw his eyes flicker over all the screens, all until they returned to mine. "No, I . . . don't see him. Have you?"
"Well, that's why I'm asking you. I couldn't find him anywhere. He was with me this morning, but now that I fell asleep, I can't find him. I . . . have a bad feeling about it."
Makoto stayed silent for a moment, nodding his head before saying, "I . . . I do, too. I'll be just a moment." And the screen went gray, words blinking in the middle of the screen to please wait.
So, I did. I waited.
And waited.
Kept on waiting . . .
Until the connection was lost, and the screen went black.
I felt my heart drop. The connection wouldn't go out unless they ended it, and I'm sure Makoto would come back before saying he was signing off.
The screen turned staticy, lines dashing across the screen before I could make out a figure.
"Well, well, well," their voice rang out, their figure becoming more clear. Pigtails. Menacing, all-too-well known pigtails . . .
"Thanks to our little despair-and-hope stricken friend, I've now conquered the Future Foundation's system."
"Tell him thanks for me, Hajime Hinata. I'll see you quite soon, my little Izuru."
. . .
And suddenly I felt something being thrown onto my head, myself going out-cold.
And I soon heard Komaeda's erratic laughter fading away, seeing his figure looming over me before my eyes completely closed.
That was the truth between the lies.
That all of this hope . . . whatever this hope originated from, would be destroyed.
And I suppose that it originated from me, myself.
Chiaki was gone, all that was left . . . was me, for her to regain her Ultimate Despair.
Oh, Junko . . .
How creative you are.