We're Infinite

Chapter Eight

Marshall's P.O.V...

I'm back at my house, all alone. I took Bethany's phone. She couldn't have left without leaving anything behind. I know she couldn't have. Even if it wasn't a suicide note, there's got to be something else. Even if this isn't about her death. I don't even know what I'm even looking for or what the hell im thinking. I don't make sense.

Alex is at school. She doesn't know I'm not there, or going today. I feel really really down and I just really don't want to cry or anything at school.

I unlocked her phone. What do I do? Check notes. I re-read what I've read before. Some are notes her and I were typing when she cried and couldn't speak. Mostly poems and feelings. None of me.. I look at her messages. I click on the 2nd threat with Alex's name on it. Skimmed through it. The argument.

"Sometimes I just want to fucking stop breathing because of this bullshit, Alex. I fucking hate this so much. You don't even give a shit."

It was from the day before she did it.. When Alex said they argued. What if it was her?

and went to the next thread. Jack's. The 3rd thread.

"Jack, I just like you. It's okay. I actually really like him. You know I do. But he has her. And I'm happy for them :)) "

who?? I started typing but delete it. It's her phone, idiot. Fourth thread, one of her other friends. Yasmine.

"haha"

The fifth one was Erick. Whoever that is.

"Nah, jk. We have to though."

But the first one, it wasn't me. It was her mom.

"I feel so alone."
"Oh, you don't care, thanks."

That's all it had said. My eyes got watery. It wasn't when the suicide happened, it was during the fair. When I was with her. Why did she feel alone? I closed the messages app and went to the next app. Instagram.

A post. It was a picture of herself. Her caption was just "ew me, lol". Nothing. What else. What else would she use. Check the DM.

Nothing. I closed the app. I give up. I can't do this. I can't. I need to stop crying over her. She's gone.

Alex's P.O.V...

I'm scrolling down our messages. Tears streaming down. I've been reading them all night. It's morning now, school's started. I'm not going. Marshall doesn't know. And if he does, he's probably wondering where I'm at. Finally, I reach the last message. It's from her. I stare at it for so long.

What if it's my fault? No, no it's not. It's no ones fault. Alex, stop crying. Stop. I cry harder and drop my phone on the floor. Why can't this stop? Why did she fucking leave? She's just..why.

My phone started ringing. Marshall.

"Hello?"

"Alex, why was she mad? Tell me exactly why she was mad at you. I want to hear it from you."

"I don't know Marshall. I just..she didn't say."

"Tell me."

"Marshall, I don't know!"

"Now."

"How would I know?"

"Bye."

The call ended. What the..? Oh my god. I call him back, but he doesn't answer. Why can't things be normal? Why did she have to fucking kill herself? Whatever. I give up. I'm done. She's dead. She wanted to leave. I don't care anymore.

I get up, go to the bathroom and wash my face. I grab some clothes and change into them. I grab my backpack and car keys, and go to school.

...

I'm sitting in class, taking notes down. Just a few couple of weeks left. Just a few more and I'm done with high school. I'm gonna get a good job, and move on. From her.

"Alex is passing out the homework and I'm passing back the test from last week." The teacher hands me the blank papers. I give each person a paper. "Hey, I heard you and Marshall broke up." Someone said. I shook my head and kept passing out papers.

The bell rang. I handed out the last paper and I got my backpack and test. 32/55 What the fuck? I studied for this. "Ms. Sanders, can I retake this?" I asked her. I need to get a higher grade on this. "No, I'm sorry. Alex, I've noticed you've been sort of down lately. What's going on?" She asks.

"My best friend committed suicide. The school knows. Remember? The announcement of Bethany? That's her. But I'm fine now. I picked myself up." I said.

"I'm sorry for your loss." She said.

"Me too." I muttered under my breath. "Well, I'm gonna go get lunch. I'll see you tomorrow." I said, walking out of math. I'm fine. Just forget.

"Hey, where's Marshall? I haven't seen him." His friend says, walking up to me. I gave him a confused look. He's not here? "I don't know, I haven't seen him. Did you call him?" I asked.

He nodded and said, "Yeah, but he doesn't answer." What the fuck. I pull out my phone and call him.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail.

I hang up. "He doesn't answer. I'm not sure. I'll figure it out. Sorry." I said to him. He walked away. I walked towards the library side. I sit on the edge. Tired tired tired.

"Here." A person said to me, handing me an envelope. What the fuck? The person ran away. I couldn't even see who it was. I turn it around.

"Alex" written in black. It's probably an invitation to some party. I throw it in my backpack and yawn. I lack of sleep. Thank goodness that I'm gonna gain it back soon. What do I do? Obviously Marshall isn't here, for some reason. Whatever.

Days later...

I was on my way to Marshall's house because he received something from Bethany. Apparently. I can't let go of Bethany until he stops mentioning her. I knocked on the door.

He opened it and pulled me inside. He closed the door and took me upstairs to his room. He showed me an envelope. His name was on it.

"Look." He said, opening it and unfolding a paper.

"Marshall,
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that it had to end like this. I'm sorry that you couldn't save me. You were such an amazing best friend and I couldn't ask for more. You were there for me from the start. And I am so thankful for that. I love you so much, best friend. You made me feel alright. You're probably reading this a few months later, well, that's because this isn't a suicide note. This is a letter. To you. You made my life worth living. And you know that you're the reason why I was alive. Alex probably never told you this, but I had this thing for you which is kinda stupid. And all those times I left, wasn't because of that. It was because Alex. She wanted all the time in the world with you. And I couldn't get in between that. Anyway, have a good life and promise to live it for me. Thank you, Marshall.
-Bethany"

My heart stopped. He looked at me. I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything. I just stared.

"Did you tell her to leave, every time? I also saw some things and you guys argued and she said that she wanted to stop breathing because of it! And she said you didn't give a fuck and you didn't even reply!" He yelled at me. So loud. I couldn't move, couldn't speak. He placed the letter on his bed and pushed me back.

"What the fuck? Don't push me!" I yelled back. Finally. I walked forward and pushed him back. "Don't fucking blame me for her goddamn suicide! Let go of her! I'm trying to get over it but you don't fucking stop! She's gone! She's dead! You have her fucking ashes. And so do I! Fucking stop!" I yelled.

"No, you fucking heartless bitch! Fuck you! Leave. Fucking leave and don't come back. Go away. You don't give a shit. Fuck you, Alex. I hate you!" He yelled. I turned around and walked out. I don't give a fuck. He hates me. He said it. Whatever happened to "we're infinite". More like, "we're not". Whatever..

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oops? Sorry not sorry. Drama. I NEED MORE DRAMA IN THIS BOOK.