Sephtis

5. Its not my fault.

This is the first time, since I can remember that I have been in the forest after the sun has reached its peak. But I know the path, for I have walked this way more then a thousand times, gathering wild apples, sleeping game, eggs and whortleberries. But during the day it is an whole new world. I realize, with surprise that I am not afraid. I feel complete, as if something in me has been restored. Perhaps this is how I felt in my forgotten life, when I walked wherever I desired with the power of the world at my finger tips. The daylight enfolds me, the trees are my sentinels, and the sun is my light.  It does not make me yearn for the night, this sun; today I am free in its golden beams, and there is peace within me.  I hear the grunts of animals, the screeches of day birds, and rustling in the undergrowth. I see no living thing save for the plants. Yet I know I am being watched, but I feel no danger here. It is as if the day breathes, and the earth breathes with it, and for once life and death ebb and flow in harmony. Somewhere nearby a hawk swoops and a rabbit squeals. Fur and flesh become wings, and fly.  I think of what awaits me in the village, and I mourn. 

I feel eyes on my back, following me. I spin about swiftly, and glimpse a shadow melting into the shade of the trees. I hear no sound, nor do I see the she-wolf, but I feel her presence guarding me. 

The sun had finally started to move from its high perch above the sky when I drop the fishing things into my small canoe and paddle across the green moat to the village.  The gate is still open, though all the huts except for mine are shuttered against the sunlight, their occupants blissfully sleeping, ignorant of my return.  But the Kings fire still blazes, I notice as I quietly slip through the door, and Morag sits alone beside it.  Morag's face is buried in her hands, and a bowl of stew sits on the hearth, keeping warm. For me?

Then I notice the Kings hunting bow is gone, and his bearskin boots.
I clear my throat " where in my lord?" I sign as Morag leaps up, calling out in shock. 
" You have come back!" She cries out, her bleeding eyes bulging. 
" I hope I have," I sign " else I am a ghost and my real self lies in the bellies of the wolves, with the fish I had caught for you.  "
For awhile Morag is, for once speechless, her face red in the fire light and full of dismay, though I cannot understand why. 
" Why has the King gone hunting at this hour?" I sign before picking up the bowl of stew and dipping my fingers into it, for I am near starved. 
" He has not gone hunting you fool!" She screams, grabbing the bowl from me, " He is out searching for you! He cursed half the men in the tribe, because they wouldn't go with him.  For the first time men have opposed Droug, you have caused trouble in in our village. "
" But," I sign, confusion on my face "he knows I wouldn't walk across the marshes during daylight, He knows I would come back on the forest path, how did we miss each other?" My heart is swelling with hope, he had come looking for me! My father had gone looking for the person he had cursed with death. 

Morag's face flushes deeper, and she sits back down. Carefully wiping away the stew that trickles down the outside of the bowl.  She will not make eye contact with me. 
For once I do not sign, and my voice breaks the harsh silence in the house " You did not tell him where I was," I say very quietly. " You lied to him. You told me to go to the fishing place when it was in the Suns first hours so that I could not safely return before they closed the gates-and you hoped I would never come back. Then you lied, said I had run away. The men would not look for a slave you said, but one did! The gods help you when he finds out what you did, that you knew all along where I was!" I was now screaming, my voice going hoarse from over use. 
Morag seemed to recover quickly from my out burst, her eyes lighting up as I realized my mistake.  " He will not find out." She says coldly. " You have no claim on him, slave-girl-he'll listen to you no more.  But I am his comfort now, and his happiness. He will not turn aside from me. He will hold onto every word I say. " her eyes pranced across my face, lighting up as if hell's fires were within them " and if anything should happen to him while he is out there, may the gods help you.  " her words left me feeling breathless and cold, as the finality of what she had done settles on me.  It will be all my fault.