Heartbreak Girl (Ashton Irwin)

Chapter 15

Ashton's POV

A week into my whole 'break' idea and I'm regretting it already. My mind hurts, a constant battle between my mind and heart are taking a roll on me and my health. I've become too skinny for my liking, I barely eat, my face is pale and droopy... I'm just not myself.

My mother noticed a quick change in my behavior and urged me to make up with Ellie, but I just couldn't find the strength too. Seeing her everyday with that douche bag she calls a boyfriend tears me apart, and I can't use anymore heartbreak.

She's the queen of heartbreak, she breaks hearts without even knowing. She's a genius when it comes to that, not doubt in my mind that she doesn't even realize how painful it really is for others.

No doubt in my mind that she's flaunting Marcus as well, posting pictures on twitter like no tomorrow with him kissing her cheek or groping her in the most awkwardest positions. I know what she's doing, and I think it bothers her that I'm not giving into her plan. She wants me to be pissed. She wants me to be angry and mad.

But I can't stay mad at her.

Life was going so well for me, but I guess it was just a matter of time before things started to fall apart. You can only stay on the top of this mountain of happiness for so long before you fall. Before you fall hard.

I fell harder than I could've ever imagines, my own grave waiting on the floor below me.

I know I shouldn't be this caught up on a girl, it's ridiculous to think that I'm even stressing over one girl. She wasn't even mine to begin with, and I'm acting jealous like she was.

The pure fact that she was never mine messed with my mind tremendously. I had that shot, I had that opportunity, but I never took it. I never looked at her the way I did now and it bothers me that I didn't see her like this earlier. Not even a day earlier.

Maybe I saw her this way now because the second she told me about a boy, I got jealous. I wanted her to be my best friend, maybe jealousy was an alarm going off in my head telling me that these feelings were more than I ever expected. Just maybe.

Maybe it's the way she looked at him, she looked at him so lovingly and so adoringly... Maybe I wanted that. Maybe I wanted that special someone that would look at me like that.

Maybe it's this pure loneliness that I'm enduring right now that's making me yearn for her more, yearning for her touch, yearning for her voice.

And the fact that I basically spilled my guts out to her didn't help much at all, the way she completely rejected me. The way she looked at me and the way she didn't look back when she left. Maybe that's the reason I feel so sad. Part of me was hoping she would tell me she's in love with me and live happily ever after, but more than likely, that doesn't happen.

And this Marcus guy can't be any more of a prick if he tried, his cocky attitude and backwards hate and stupid glasses. His stupid face. His stupid muscles. His stupid skin. His stupid earring. His stupid green eyes that she claimed to 'get lost in'. His stupid body. His stupid fucking everything. I hated just thinking about him, the thought that he treated my best friend, no, the girl that I love like complete shit and she's so oblivious to it. So naïve about it.

She looks at him like he's perfect, talks about him like he's an angel and love him like he's a saint, but she's completely wrong.

She should look at him like he's imperfect, talk about him like he's a demon and hate him like he's satan, but she wouldn't and she doesn't. This two-faced bitch doesn't how lucky he is to have her, how lucky I would consider myself if I had her. This prick wouldn't love her like I do ever in his life.

Yet she still loves him.

I try to change her like it's worth even fighting for, but it isn't. She's as unreachable as the sun, so close to my finger tips, but yet never to be touched.

It's funny how emotional you could get in just a simple shower, how much you could think about life when you have all day to do that, but these thoughts only show the instant the water turns on.

Like a magic switch in your mind that's activated by the sound of the water.

It's the first shower I've had today, usually I take up to three a day since I've declared a 'break' on Ellie's and I's friendship. I feel dirty constantly, like scrubbing myself with soap could momentarily calm my minds' constant battle with myself.

And as I get out, I can't resist but to trace patterns on the fogged up mirror. I find myself say after day tracing her name like it would do something, but in fact all it does is give my mum something to look at three times everyday and to worry.

This needed to stop.

I knew I had company coming over, I knew I had to get myself at least partially presentable, but I couldn't find myself to even plaster a smile.

-

"And you can't talk to her?" Calum said, still trying to comprehend this whole story.

"I wish I could" I whispered, running my fingers through my hair.

"Maybe you just have to let go, you know? She has a boyfriend, she's in love... Maybe it's just time to let to" Calum explained, his legs crossed and arms supporting his head.

"If only it were that easy"



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Crap, sorry it wasn't that good. Actually. Horrible.

I'll update as soon as I can, but with my school and club soccer team, I'm almost never on here :/ double the practice equals less time to write.

Thank you ALL for even reading, those who comment... You mean so much to me. I love you all so so so much, mwah.

I love you my little lemon drops, stay safe and WATCH FRIENDS