I'm feeling so frustrated with myself. I want to be a better person, but I also don't want to improve myself right now. I want to be a child still. But I know I have to grow up. I'm frustrated that I'm influenced so easily by the people around me. I know it's part of human nature because of the psychology and sociology course I'm taking right now, but still!! I feel like crying. But that doesn't do any good. Now I'm mad.
I wanted to go to bed at 10:30 and actually get sleep tonight but then I got on my phone around 10:15 and looked at Pinterest and then looked at the time and it was already 10:45...so I hopped to it and took my shower and then I sat with my mom to watch T.V. and visit with her. Then my dad comes home from work and I sit with him to visit for a bit. And then it's already 11:50ish....
And when I took my dog out to pee(after getting ready for bed), he wouldn't pee for about 8 minutes! Frustrated that he wouldn't go pee right away...
It's now 12:30 because I'm writing my rant/vent thing. I'm so tired. I want to get away from the people I hang out with.
I feel stressed and I don't know why. I quit my job so I could focus on my school work, so I have no job stress. All I have now is school. And friends, which we all know can be stressful at times...maybe I'm not the one stressed...I consider myself an empath so I could be picking up on someone else's feelings but still...
I feel like I was kicked to the curb again. The person I thought to be my best friend abandoned me to hang with a different person. I'm scrappy ok with it now looking back because she was manipulative but still.
And I don't have a boyfriend, which some of you will probably be like, keep it that way honey. But, I like being in a relationship. I want a relationship where there is open communication, they actually want to see me, they'll just cuddle and not ask or seduce me to have sex. I rather have a hardcore cuddle buddy than to have sex. Yeah yeah, I'm a virgin so what. Deal with it. It's not your fucking problem anyways.
I'm wondering if I'm going through my depression phase again...my mom says I have seasonal depression because I'll have it about twice a year. Since where I live we pretty much only have two seasons.
Or maybe it's just life in general that catching up with me. Hell if I know the answer right now. Ugh, so done. And my face!! I have a cane and it was going away and then I get a fat sucker on my right cheek and small ones on my forehead!! I know I need to eat healthier and exercise more, but it was going away without me really doing that...
Anyways I need sleep...night y'all hope your life is better than mine. Have a fantastic day/night!😘
