I sat in the wagon as we continued out onto a plain. I kept my head down, refusing to look at the man in front of me. I glanced at his wrapped leg, his boot resting next to it. We came to a stop, and I hopped of the side, my hood flying off of my head. I quickly threw it back on, walking away. I didn't notice this until afterwards, but sometime during my rampage, I injured the back of my neck. I came awfully close to injuring my spine, but just missed it. I would have it tended to when we got back, but we didn't have proper supplies with us now, so I kept it a secret. I glanced up at the new recruits as they wrapped the corpses. I saw Levi, who stood over one of the corpses. I knew it was Petra. He loved her, and I had taken that away from him. I've never felt this way about a mission before, and it was all so new to me. We lose cadets every expedition we partake in. "(Y/N)," Erwin called from behind me. I turned, and walked over to him. "Are you okay?" he asked, and I turned away. "Does it look like I'm okay?" I asked, and I heard him sigh. "There were five cadets we couldn't retrieve--" Erwin started, before I cut him off. "Are you going to report them missing?" I asked in a questioning tone. "I think it would be best, rather than bluntly saying we couldn't retrieve the bodies," Erwin said in a reasoning tone. "Hey! We need to go back and retrieve Ivan's body! He was right there in front of us!" a man cried out, and Erwin and I both turned to him and two other men. "Sir, Ivan and I were childhood friends. I know his family. Can we please at least retrieve his body?" another man said in a pleading voice. "What's the point?" Levi said, walking over. "You already confirmed that he is dead. Childhood friend or not, dead is dead," he continued, before walking off. I cringed at his words. It was as if he was reminding me of the fucked up mistake I made. "We will report him as missing," Erwin said, and he and I both began walking away. "What is wrong with you? do any of you have any human feelings at all?!" the first man cried back at us. I kept my gaze forwards, making my way to the horses. I found Midnight, and rubbed her nose. "Thank you," I whispered to her, before getting on her back. I adjusted myself in the saddle, grabbing the reigns, as we took off down the plains.
I heard a shot from behind us, and looked. "Titans from the rear," a man called out. "Shit. We won't be able to fight them easily," I said. "We're better off outrunning them," Erwin replied. I looked to the other side of him, as Levi fell back. I turned forward again, as the walls came into view. Once we had made it, the gates opened, allowing us back in. I looked down as the crowds around us whispered insults about us. I got off my horse, holding tight to the reigns, as I guided her through the swarms of people who surrounded both Erwin and I. They were asking questions none of us knew the answer to. I kept looking forward, avoiding the people who continued to follow us.
We made it back to the castle, and I put Midnight back in her stall. I tended to her, and then went to my room. I couldn't snap out of this depression of a state I was in. I am responsible for the death of the entire elite squad, my best friend with them. I closed the door to my room, and sat down at the desk. My hood was still over my head, covering my face. There was a knock at my door, and I flinched a little at the voice from the other side. "(Y/N), you have some explaining to do." "Come in," I said, and the door flew open. Levi stormed in, slamming his hands on the desk in front of me. "What happened? Why are all the members of my team gone?" he yelled at me. I just kept my head down, my hood blocking my view of him. After a small pause, he growled. He pulled me up by my hood, forcing me to look at him. "Why did you let them die? This is all your fault, and I want an explanation," he said, his face inches from mine. I pulled away from his grip, and stared at him. Tears began to fall, blurring my vision. "Do you think I enjoyed it or something?" I asked in an angered voice. Our staring contest continued. "Do you think it made me happy to see them dead? For Christ's sake, Levi, I fucking know it's my fault. And do I look happy about it?!" I yelled at him. "I don't know what to fucking do about this! I know you are in pain, but don't go thinking I'm not! I have emotions too. I'm only human, for fuck's sake!" I yelled again, slamming the wall behind me with my fist, tears streaming down my cheeks. Then I collapsed. I fell to my knees, covering my face. I felt like shit. "Maybe I'm better off dead," I said to myself, but I knew Levi heard me. I shut my eyes closed, I guess hopping it was all just a bad dream, when I felt an arm wrap around me.
Levi POV
I looked at her crying body. She looked so pathetic and helpless. "Maybe I'm better off dead," I heard her say. My eyes widened as I looked down at her. Without thinking, I came around, and crouched down next to her. I hesitated, but wrapped an arm around her. She paused for a moment, before turning slightly, and hugging me back. "I'm so sorry Levi," I heard her say through her tears. I looked forward, shocked. Then it hit me.
*quick flashback in Levi's POV*
She hugged me, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I felt my shoulder grow damp, as I hugged her back. "I'm so sorry Levi," she said, and my gaze lowered. she let go, and I looked at her blood shot, tear filled eyes. "For what? You didn't kill her," I said, and she looked down. "I know, but still..." she said. She had (H/L) (H/C) hair, and (E/C) eyes. she gulped, as a slight breeze blew by. I looked down, wiping my face with the back of my hand.
*End if flashback*
She let go from the hug, moving away from me. "I'm sorry, I..." she said her voice trailing off, as she cringed a little. I looked at her, as she grabbed the back of her neck. I got up, and helped her up. she removed her hand from behind her neck, revealing blood. "Shit," she murmured, and I turned to see a cut running along the back of her neck. It looked like it may have damaged her spine, but seeing as she could still move her neck and back, I assumed it was fine. "You need medical attention," I said. She wiped her tears, looking at the ground. "Yeah, I know," she said, before walking to the door. I opened my mouth, but closed it, unsure of what exactly to say. Instead I watched her leave, closing the door behind her. I looked down at the black ring again. I took it off, and looked at the etched markings on the inside. I let out a sigh, as the possibility hit me. Did I know her a long time ago?
(Y/N) POV
I walked over to Erwin, who was sitting at one of the tables. "Make sure to have someone check out Levi's leg. It seems to have gotten worse," I said, walking past him, and to the infirmary. I looked at the cadets who filled up the hospital like area. I frowned, walking over to one of the ladies working there. I showed her my injury, and she had to stitch the wound. I cringed at the pain as she finished off the job, and told me I was okay tot go. She gave me a pack of ice to stop the swelling, and I thanked her. I walked out, passing by the still full room of injured people. I held the bag of ice to my neck, the throbbing pain slowly numbing. I walked back to my room, to find it empty. I let out a sigh, walking over to the completely organized desk. I sat down at it. "Guess he couldn't leave it a mess," I said, setting my ice pack, before proceeding to write out my report.
