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Chapter 13

Chapter 13


Renee's POV


I was lazing around again. I knew this wasn't healthy for me, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't go to work, I couldn't hang with my friends, I couldn't even drive to the movies or something! Although the movies would be pretty pointless....

I let out a huge sigh and rolled over on my bed. What to do, what to do....

My cellphone rang.

I reached over and picked it up, sliding my finger across the screen to answer it. "Hello?" I mumbled.

"Hi! This is Renee, right? You sound drunk."

I sat up immediately, energy filling me to the brim. "Lacy!" I cried. "I've missed you so much!"

"What's with the past tense? I still miss you!"

I smiled. "Ugh, fine. I miss you so much!" I corrected myself. Lacy giggled. "How's it going over at your mansion?" she asked me. I struggled not to snort. "Hardly a mansion," I said. "I'm just renting a flat for now."

"Oh, boo. That's no fun. How's work?"

I opened my mouth to tell her that it was great, I loved working there. But then I remembered: Leo turning on me, Elise possibly doing the same, Louis putting me in the hospital.

I bit back a sigh. Why did it feel like I was stuck in some drama television series? Life sucks.

"It was going great," I started out slowly. "But it's not all cracked up to be as I thought it would."

"What are you talking about? You're paparazzi for Teen Tiger! How could that not be cracked up?"

I half-smiled. "It's harder than you think," I murmured.

"Who have you photographed?"

"Um, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Cher Lloyd, the Jonas Brothers, and One Direction."

"Seriously? All the lame people--WAIT, DID YOU SAY ONE DIRECTION?!"

I held the phone away from my ear as she screamed. I nodded, remembered she couldn't see me, blushed at my stupidity, and put the phone back.

"Yep," I said.

"OMFG!"

I swear she started hyperventilating. "Geez, Lace!" I laughed. "Calm down!"

"How can I calm down? You got to meet One Direction! Oh my--"

"Language," I reminded her. I'm such a hypocrite.

I heard Lacy taking deep breaths and slowly she calmed down. "Better?" I asked, smirking. She didn't reply, so I assumed she had nodded like I did. We're so smart.

"Did you get their autographs? Did you become friends? Do you like any of them? Did Harry ask you out? Did--"

"Hey!" I shouted, cutting her off. "No, no, gross, disgusting, and what?" She didn't finish her last question.

"Why don't you like any of them?" Lacy asked, sounding hurt. "And why would it be disgusting if Harry asked you out?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I didn't want Lacy turning on me, but I didn't like lying to her. Or at least hiding the truth from her. How was I going to break the news?

"Let's just say that the photo shoot didn't really go as planned," I said quietly, a little shakily.

"What do you mean?"

"Can you promise me something, Lace?" I asked nervously.

"Um, sure."

"Promise me that we'll be best friends no matter what happens. That we won't turn on each other, ever."

"Of course not, Rainy! Why would we ever do such a thing?"

I relaxed, but only a little. "Well, since you promised...." I muttered. "I'm... color-blind."

Silence on the other end. Then Lacy whispered, "Is this true?"

"Yes," I replied just as quietly. I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling.

"Oh my gosh, Renee, I'm so sorry!" she suddenly cried. "What happened?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Hell yeah!"

I had to smile a little at that. "Louis Tomlinson did it to me," I said. Lacy gasped. "You're joking?!" she exclaimed. "What did he do?"

"He was playing with some light switches and a bright light he turned on made me color-blind."

"Wow," Lacy murmured. "I'm so sorry, Renee."

"It's okay," I lied.

"No, it's not," she shot back. "What about your job?"

I sighed. "I might have to get fired," I admitted.

"What!" she yelled. "They can't do that!"

"Of course they can."

"If I ever meet Louis Tomlinson I swear I will make him--" she started to growl, but I cut her off. "What do you mean?" I asked. "You love One Direction!"

"I know that. But I'm gonna pummel the guy that messed with my little Rainy. Payback time!"

I giggled. "You don't have to do that," I said quietly. "But thank you."

"No prob," she replied brightly. "Well, I have to go to class now. I'll call you later. Kisses!"

"Kisses," I echoed, and we hung up. That was Lacy's way of saying goodbye. She had literally tried kissing me when I left for Teen Tiger.

I smiled. I was glad I had gotten around to talking to Lacy. I really did miss her. I wanted her here with me. She would know how to make me feel better.

I slumped out of bed and to the bathroom. I took a long, hot shower that felt great and took my time choosing my clothes. I finally decided on a definitely white crop top and I think what was supposed to be blue jeans.

I brushed my hair and teeth, and I washed my face again. I imagined myself rubbing away all the exhaustion and tears.

Soon, I looked presentable. I smiled again. But I was still bored. What do I do now?

I was just about to go watch TV when the doorbell rang. I bristled. I swear, if it's Louis again I will slap him silly until he finally gets the message. I just wanted to be left alone.

I stalked up to the front door and peeked through the peep hole. It didn't look like Louis. But one could never be sure. I opened the door slowly. My eyes widened.

Elise grinned at me. "Renee!" she squealed, and attacked me in a hug. Without really meaning to, I hugged her back. It just felt so good.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, holding her at an arm's length. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Leeann let me come visit," she said excitedly.

I looked around her, but didn't see my ex-friend anywhere. "Did Leo come?" I asked quietly. Elise evidently sagged. "No," she murmured. "We were stupid to think of him as our friend. He's an idiot for turning you down like that." She knew? Leo must've told her everything.

I put on a smile. "Well, I'm glad you're still my friend," I told her, and we quickly embraced again. I let her come in, and she looked around.

"Um...." She bit her lip and wouldn't look me in the eye. I felt nervous. Was my place more of a mess than I thought?

"Did... did anyone... come over here last night?" she asked me. I frowned. That's a weird question. "Yeah," I said slowly. "Why? How did you know?"

She looked sheepish. "Was it... Louis Tomlinson?"

I stared at her. "Once again, how did you know?" I demanded for a second time. She still wouldn't look me in the eyes, and slowly it dawned on me.

"Oh no," I moaned. "Did you give him my address?"

"Maybe...?" she said weakly, ending it like a question.

"Ugh, Elise!" I cried, collapsing on my couch. "Why would you do that? Now he's going to stalk me!"

"I'm sorry! It's just that he was looking at me all weird, and he told me he needed to tell you something, so I just cracked!"

She smirked at me. "I thought he had a crush on you," she giggled. I got the feeling I had a mortified look on my face. "Ah, gross!" I yelped, jumping to my feet again. "That's disgusting!"

Elise looked at me weirdly. "Why would that be disgusting?" she asked. "He's Louis Tomlinson, for Pete's sake! That would be awesome!"

"No, it wouldn't!" I shot back. I realized my tone was harsh, even for me. I sighed. "Look, I'm sorry," I muttered. "It's just that Louis and I aren't exactly friendly with each other."

"What do you mean?" Elise asked, frowning at me. "What did he do to you?"

"This!" I shouted, pointing at my face. I just exploded. "He did this to me! He's the one that made me color-blind! He ruined everything! If this hadn't happened, I could still go to work and be happy and maybe be even in a relationship! But no, I have to suffer for his mistakes!"

I sat down hard and buried my face in my hands. But I did not cry. I was tired of crying. My mouth was open in a silent wail of frustration and anger, but I made no sound. I was stronger than this. I knew it.

I felt Elise sit down next to me and rub my back. "You've been holding that in for a long time," she said quietly. "I can tell. This isn't you, Renee. You're not one to hold grudges. It could've been just an accident. He probably didn't mean for it to happen."

"I don't care," I mumbled like a stubborn child. "He deserves it."

Elise chuckled. "Has he tried to apologize?" she asked. I nodded. She stopped rubbing. "Renee!" she scolded me. "You're still angry with him even though he tried to apologize? I bet you didn't even listen! I'm sorry to say this, but what is wrong with you? Give him a chance, and if you're not satisfied, just walk away."

It was a while before I looked up again. I suppose what Elise was saying was the truth, and I felt guilty. It was true I didn't want to take his apology. I just wanted to revel in my self-pity some more.

But I had to grow up. I had to listen to him. Elise was right, I'm not the type to hold grudges. And it probably was just an accident. I knew this in the back of my mind, but I never let it register to me.

I looked at Elise. "You're right," I said firmly. "I should listen. But that doesn't mean I'll forgive him. I'm still pissed at my life."

I could tell she was holding back giggles. "That's good enough," she told me, and stood up.

"I have an idea," she said, looking down at me. "Since you might be... color-blind for a while, it's time we worked with your vision." I frowned. "What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

She grabbed my hand. "Let me show you," she said, and dragged me away.


.....


I stared at the black-and-white sheet before me. "Is this the normal version, or the black-and-white version?" I asked Elise, who was standing behind me.

"The normal one. But I printed both in case you wanted to compare."

I looked at the other sheet. There didn't seem to be much difference, but I chose the original one.

"Please explain this to me again," I said. She nodded.

"Okay," she began. "You don't know what shade of grey the colors are. So, I printed out two sheets of paper of the colors in black-and-white. Notice that they are all different shades. I want you to memorize them so you can do... other stuff in the future."

"What kind of stuff?" I asked, wrinkling my nose. There was nothing else I wanted to do with my life other than photography. That was my life.

"Driving, painting, you know, stuff like that," Elise said carelessly.

I stood up suddenly and hugged her as tightly as I had when I first saw her. "Thank you," I whispered. "For this, for being a great friend... for everything."

"My pleasure," she replied, and I could actually hear the smile in her voice. I pulled away, and sure enough, she was. "Now start studying," she said sternly. I rolled my eyes but sat down anyway.

I had gotten maybe thirty minutes of studying in when the doorbell rang for the second time that day. Elise was right in the middle of testing me on the colors. I kept getting tan and pink messed up. They looked so damn familiar.

"I'll get it," Elise offered, and gave me back the sheet. "Keep studying." She gave me a wink before disappearing from the room.

I flicked my eyes between tan and pink. Tan was on the left and pink was on the right. But I knew that wouldn't help me all the time.

"Tan, pink," I whispered to myself. "Tan, pink. Tan, pink, tan, pink." I flipped the sheet over and spun it around a few times. I closed my eyes as I flipped it back over and quickly opened them again to cover the names of the colors with my hands.

"Tan, pink," I labeled. I uncovered the names. I had gotten them right, but I don't think that helped much.

"Um, Renee?" Elise called. "There's someone here to see you." I looked up. I could already guess who it was, but I wasn't in the mood. Anytime after today, but not now.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm myself. I stood up and went over to the front door, where Elise and my surprise guest were waiting.

I was right, it was him. He had come back, even after what I had said the night before. He was stubborn. But now was my time to listen.

He had no disguise on, and I could tell Elise was giving him the googly eyes without meaning to.

Louis winced like he expected me to yell at him or hit him again, but instead I said calmly, "Elise, why don't you wait for me back in my room?" She nodded quickly, looking a little disappointed, but didn't argue as she skittered away.

"Um, hi," Louis said uncomfortably. I glowered at him. "Don't waste my time with formalities," I said snappily. "Just say it and get it over with."

Louis returned my cool glare. "Fine then," he said smoothly. "Renee, I'm sorry for causing this."

"Great," I forced out unwillingly. "Now get out." He didn't move. "Can you forgive me?" he asked, like I hadn't said a single word.

I swallowed back the words I wanted to scream. I wanted to wipe that calm look off his face. This wasn't fair!

Renee, I berated myself. You're not a grudge-holder. Just say yes and get it over with.

But I wasn't something else as much as I was a grudge-holder: a liar. I wasn't a liar.

"No," I said. This didn't come out as forced. "I can't forgive you. That's the cold, hard truth. Now stop stalking me!" I jabbed a finger at the door.

Louis got up and escorted himself out. "I'm not stalking you," he argued. "And I'm not stopping until you do forgive me."

"Stubborn prick," I muttered.

"I heard that! I'm not stubborn, I'm persistent."

"Ooh, look at you, using big-boy words," I mocked him. "I don't care. No matter what you say or do, I can't forgive you."

He shrugged. "Then I'll just have to keep trying," he said. "And I don't think you 'can't' forgive me. You won't forgive me."

I wanted to tear my hair out and scream. Why was he so calm?! Was I the only one who wanted to blow up right then?

I couldn't forgive him! He made me like this! He's right when he said I'd never forgive him, because I hated him! I hated his guts!

He left before I could say or do anything drastic.

Elise came out of the shadows. "Renee!" she gasped. "What is wrong with you? You said you would listen! Go after him and say you forgive him! End it all!"

I stared back at her, strangely calm all of a sudden. "You're right, Elise," I said. "I'm not a grudge-holder. But you know what else I'm not?"

"What?" she asked uncertainly.

"A liar."