Snapshot » l.t.

Chapter 31

Chapter 31


Louis' POV


My heart was pounding in my chest. My palms were sweating so much that I was sure Renee could feel it through her dress.

She was just so beautiful, in her dress and makeup and curly hair. Not like she wasn't beautiful before. This was killing me.

I could tell she didn't like it. She had a nervous look on her face, and she was nibbling her bottom lip, unaware that she was seducing me.

But I was enjoying it. In a way. It was mostly awkward and uncomfortable, but I liked the feel of my hands on her waist, and her arms around my neck.

I had to say something to make this less awkward.

"You know, Renee," I began, and her eyebrows shot up. Did I say the wrong thing or something?

"We've known each other for a while," I rambled, but Renee interrupted me.

I was mostly thankful. I didn't have to continue. Plus, what I was about say probably wouldn't help her love for me. But at the same time I felt a tinge of frustration. How was I supposed to let Renee know how I felt? It was so hard.

"Only for about a month and half," she said quickly. "And half the time I hated your guts."

I grimaced. "True," I conceded. "But we're over that now." I hesitated. "Right?" I confirmed.

"What? Yeah! Of course!" Renee exclaimed. Her arms shifted around my neck. Her face was red. Or was that just the lighting?

"Your point?" she asked, sounding slightly impatient.

I licked my dry lips. I suppose it was now or never.

"It's just...." I hesitated again, and decided to warn her beforehand. "I know you're going to hate me for this, but keep an open mind."

"Just spit it out!" Renee snapped, and I winced.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Come on! I mentally screamed at myself. Don't just stand there with your mouth open like a demented fish! Tell her! Tell her now!

Renee got a guilty look on her face. "Um," she mumbled, and her foot tapped against the ground. "Sorry for sna--"

I stopped her.

I don't know why I did it. I knew she would either love it or hate it, there was no in-between for something like this. I laid it all on the line, everything we had. I prayed with all my heart and mind and soul that she wouldn't hate me.

Then she started kissing me back.

Her arms tightened around my neck, and I increased the pressure on her waist. My heart raced. I felt like I was on fire.

Someone wolf-whistled.

Renee pushed me off.

We stared at each other.

I was breathing a little heavily, and evidently so was she. I still felt hot all over, like I had run a ten-mile marathon in one hundred degree weather.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Renee finally shrieked.

I flinched. All eyes turned to us, but Renee didn't seem to care.

Oh, crap. She hated it.

"Renee, I--" I started to say, but she interrupted. I was going to suggest that we take this outside, but apparently she REALLY didn't care who heard.

"No!" she spat. "I don't want to hear it! Were you just faking everything? Faking being my friend so that you could do this to me?"

I frowned in confusion. What was she talking about? All I did was kiss her! Why did she assume I faked our friendship?

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, growing angry.

Renee's friendship was one of the things I cherished most dearly. That wasn't fake! And she kissed me back! How was this all my fault?

"This!" she screamed. She gestured to me and herself. "You just faked all of it, didn't you? Your boys set you up for this, didn't they? I thought I could trust you! I thought you were my friend! You're just a big, fat liar!"

"I am your friend!" I wanted to shout at her. "My friends had nothing to do with this! I wanted them out of my business! You can trust me. I'm not lying. It's not my fault I fell for you!"

But I was as stiff as a board. I felt like I couldn't say anything to calm her down. I felt like I had let her down. And in a way, I suppose, I did.

"You destroy everything, Louis!" she cried.

I winced. She just revealed who I was. But neither I nor she seemed to care for long.

Tears streamed down Renee's face, but she didn't wipe them away. I felt terrible.

"So now I'm saying goodbye," she sniffed. She sounded pretty sure about this, like she wouldn't ever back out of this promise. "For good."

She spun on her heel and stalked away.

My blood turned to ice. I wanted to run after her and tell her what had really happened and how I really felt. But my legs felt like jelly. All my energy had been sucked out of me.

The music had turned off. People either stared at me, at the door, or both. Normally I would've been embarrassed, but this was not normal.

"Nice going," someone hissed, and I was pulled back to the present.

I adjusted my wig. "What?" I asked, and I cursed my voice for shaking.

"You're a jerk!" a girl accused me.

I frowned. What the hell did I do? Before I could ask or even do anything, she turned her back on me.

Someone pushed into me from behind, and I spun around to glare at whoever did. I couldn't identify the person.

The music started back up, now something jazzy and hyped up, and nobody paid any attention to me anymore. Possibly because they didn't know who I really was. But I think the real reason was because no one wanted to be seen with the guy who made the most beautiful girl at the party burst into tears.

I made my way over to the bar. Glares were shot at me, but I ignored them. Let them stare at me or curse my fake name. I'm sorry for falling in love.

Wow. Love. Zayn was right, that escalated quickly. I couldn't get the stupid word out of my head ever since Niall mentioned it. What was love, anyway?

I ordered something strong. I didn't care what it was, as long as it took the pain away. The bartender handed me a small glass of something. I downed it in one gulp. It made my throat burn.

Someone sat next to me, and I glanced over. I tensed. It was Lacy, Renee's best friend. Now I was seriously going to get it.

"Wow," she said. "So, what was that about?"

I stared at her. She was talking to me warmly, like we were discussing the weather or something.

"Pardon me for asking," I said. "But why the hell aren't you smacking the shit out of me?"

Lacy shrugged. "Renee would like that," she said. "But you and I need to have a little chat first. So, what the hell was that?"

I sighed. "I really don't know," I admitted. "I thought I could make a move on her tonight. Obviously that didn't work out. I didn't mean to kiss her, but if I did I thought she wouldn't be screaming her lungs out at me. Apparently I was wrong."

"Mmhmm," Lacy hummed.

I didn't look at her. I stared straight ahead.

"Tell me, Bradley, Louis, whatever your name is. What's your real name?"

"Seeing as she doesn't care anymore," I said. "I'm Louis."

I kind of expected her to fangirl, but she didn't. This disguise was working magic. Props to Renee for picking it out.

I bit my lip hard to keep from groaning.

"My real name is still Lacy, in case you were wondering," Lacy said, trying to lighten the mood. She failed miserably. "Do you fancy Renee or something?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I suddenly snapped.

I didn't mean to, but this was awkward. I was a guy, and guys don't confess their feelings to their crush's best friend. We don't discuss our feelings at all!

"It's some cliché love story," I continued. "I was the one that made her color-blind, so naturally she hates me! And just when I think I can win her over, I blow it again! Again and again! That's all we're ever going to be."

Lacy stared at me. "Wait, you're Louis Tomlinson?" she exclaimed.

I smacked a hand over her mouth. "Say that a little louder, would you!" I hissed. "I don't think the entire world heard you!"

She removed my hand. "Sorry," she whispered. "But is it really you?"

I nodded, but then I frowned. "Wait, how do you know about that?" I asked. "That I was the one who caused this whole mess?"

Lacy gave me a smart-ass look. "I'm Renee's best friend," she said. "She tells me everything."

"Figures," I mumbled.

"So you fancy my best friend, you kiss her, but then she hates you for it?" Lacy just about summed it all up. "Do you think you can explain that?"

I sighed. "I don't know," I said. "I'm obviously not the guy Renee's looking for. But... it's just... so hard."

Lacy frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked, and that's when I spilled it all to her.

I told her everything, every last detail. From when I arrived at the studio, to begging for her forgiveness, to becoming her friend, to becoming her lover. All the way up to now.

By the time I was done, Lacy was staring at me with wide eyes.

"Wow," she breathed. "I came over here to pummel the shit out of you, not become your personal therapist. You don't just fancy my best friend. You're practically in love with her!"

At that mention from another person's mouth, I requested a full bottle of whiskey.

"Okay, that's not necessary," Lacy said, and waved away the bartender. "You've gotta suck it up, man. You earned Renee's forgiveness once, you can do it again."

"I doubt it," I mumbled. "If I can't have the whole bottle, can I at least have half?"

Lacy ignored me. "I'm sure of it," she insisted. "Renee doesn't hold grudges."

"Oh, really?" I laughed bitterly. "It nearly took me a month to get where I am now. Or where I was, anyway. Renee's never gonna take me back."

Lacy stared at me evenly as she finally let me have another shot. It burned and made my head spin, but it didn't ease the pain.

"You don't know that," she finally said.

I returned the stare for a moment. I didn't know how to answer.

"Yes, I think I do," I retorted.

"No, you don't," Lacy argued calmly. "I'm Renee's best friend. I know her better than you. I haven't known you two together for long, but I have a feeling Renee likes you. Give her some breathing room. She'll take you back."

I didn't say this out loud, but I still doubted her. Renee wasn't taking me back. She had bid me goodbye. For good.

But then again, I could always try to start over. I had my methods. She let me in once, she can do it again.

Most of my body protested, but I ignored it. I could do it.

Mostly.

Possibly.

Some.

Not really.

Without even beginning to try I gave up.

"I should go," I muttered. I stood up and left.

I could feel Lacy's eyes burning twin holes into the back of my neck, concerned for me, but I didn't turn back. I'm not proud to say this, but I drove slightly drunk before. I'd be fine.

And if I wasn't.... Well, all the better.

I tripped over something in the parking lot. I looked down, and saw something large glinting in the moonlight. I bent down, my head swimming, and picked it up.

It was a shoe. But not just any shoe, it was one of Renee's heels. She must have lost it when she ran out.

I found the other one not far off. A realization dawned on me. She didn't lose them. She had thrown them off as she ran. And she didn't come back for them. Who could blame her?

I threw the shoes into the backseat of my car. I sat down heavily behind the wheel. I motivated myself to start the car and drive home.

I didn't get into any accidents on the way, which was both a relief and a disappointment. I grabbed my briefcase that held my regular clothes and the shoes and headed into the flat.

I just wanted to collapse on my bed and sleep forever, but apparently that wasn't the plan. The lights were on. The boys were waiting for me.

I opened the door.

"SURPRISE!!" they shouted. Niall even blew a kazoo.

"Hey," I muttered and threw down the briefcase and shoes.

"Where did those come from?" Zayn asked, staring at the shoes.

"Louis, you didn't molest anyone tonight, did you?" Harry scolded me lightly, and the others laughed. I didn't join in.

"Cheezuz, Louis," Liam said, looking at me weirdly. "Who died? I assume your date with Renee didn't go well?"

"I assume the boys told you everything?" I mocked him half-heartedly as the other boys snickered.

Liam nodded. "Obviously it didn't go well," he said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"That's the last thing I want," I informed them, but they all sat down on the couch and stared at me expectantly.

I sighed. I knew they were just going to pester me until I told them, so I did just to get it over with. Maybe they'd know better and leave me alone afterwards.

I stayed standing. "It was going great," I began quietly. "Really great, in fact. I got her this big fluffy teddy bear from a game that she named Mr. BooBear Junior."

I winced. I did not want to think of all the horrible things Renee could be doing to the stuffie. Poor bear.

"Aw," Niall cooed. "That's so--"

"Cheesy," Zayn interrupted with a roll of his eyes. "What happened next?"

"We went to the dance," I said, and suddenly I wasn't with the guys anymore, in the living room. I was at the pub, staring at Renee as she walked towards me.

I smiled faintly. "Renee looked beautiful," I said. "Like a goddess."

Someone gasping brought me back to the present. Zayn was grinning greedily. I shot him a death glare. He materialized to the other side of the room.

"We danced," I said, and a lump formed in my throat.

"Uh oh," they all muttered in unison. They all knew where this was going.

"So naturally," I continued sarcastically. "I kissed her."

"That's adorable!" Zayn shouted, clasping his hands together.

"Someone get him out of the room before I snap his neck!" I snarled.

Liam smacked a hand over Zayn's mouth, looking like he was trying to suppress a smile. "Go on," he told me, and Zayn nodded eagerly.

I continued to glare at them. "She kissed me back," I said. "So I thought things were going to turn out alright."

The boys were on the edge of their seats, eyes wide.

"But then she pushed me away," I finished. "She screamed at me. I think she was internally praying that I could go to hell so that she wouldn't ever have to see me again."

"Ouch," Harry grimaced, wincing.

"And now I'm here," I said tiredly. I glanced at Zayn. "She's all yours," I sighed. "Now I'm a little drunk and exhausted. I'm going to bed."

As I walked away, I heard Zayn exclaim, "They weren't even dating but he's already drinking over her? Yikes."

I slammed the door to my bedroom shut. I tore off my suit. I fell on my bed and knuckled my eyes. I just wanted to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. It was like God was punishing me on purpose. Like losing Renee wasn't enough?

I had a sudden thought. I remembered hearing a song once.

Ugh, was I seriously going to become one of those people that connected their feelings to a song?

Apparently.


"Baby, look here at me.

"Have you ever seen me this way?

"I've been fumbling for words

"Through the tears and the hurt and the pain,

"I'm gonna lay it all out on the line tonight,

"And I think that it's time to tell this uphill fight goodbye.

"Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same?

"Trying to make someone care for you, the way I do, is like trying to catch the rain.

"And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game."


And another few lyrics.


"I know that I'll never be the man that you need or love.

"Yeah, baby, it's killing me to stand here and see,

"I'm not what you've been dreaming of."


I lead a sad love life.

I was a loser at a losing game. Renee would never love me. She was quite possibly going to be the only thing I could never have.

A tough guy doesn't cry. I've heard that a million times. But a tough guy has to experience loss and/or heartbreak every once in a while. A tough guy has to have feelings, doesn't he?

The impossible happened: I rolled over and cried myself to sleep, the same lyrics booming in my head over and over.