Silent Treatment {HS} EDITING

Ch. Nineteen

Its been five days, five days sitting here and wondering what to do with my life, five days wondering why none of the boys have come to see me. Harry hasn't even tried to come see me, he hasn't tried to send a letter or call here and give me a phone call. He hasn't tried once to keep in touch with me, my heart ached every second of every day knowing that he didn't want to see me. I reasoned with myself why he hasn't come yet, and my screwed up mind came to the conclusion that he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed by me for trying to kill myself, for being a nerd, for not meeting the expectations of what One Direction girlfriends must reach, he is embarrassed because I'm not happy.

I have hardly moved from my spot on the bed for the past few days, I left only when I had to. My therapist hasn't gotten a single word out of me, and I refuse to give her my journal. She doesn't need to know my thoughts, she doesn't have the right to know me when I'm my most vulnerable.

They have tried multiple times to get me to interact with other patients, and go out and have fun while I was here. I didn't want to be friends with some crazy people, although I found myself becoming more and more like them everyday. They repeatedly reminded me that my behavior wasn't healthy, but I refused to do anything other than that. Why would I have fun in some where to cold and unfriendly?

It seems to me that they are the crazy ones, I had no reason to be here.

Angel came and left frequently, she tried to make conversation but I knew I was stubborn I knew I didn't want to give anyone the satisfaction that I am actually trying and putting in effort to something I strongly disagree with.

I pulled my journal out from under my pillow, smirking at there stupidity at not finding my journal and forcing it to my therapist.

Dear diary,

Why did they leave me here with no one? Do they think this is helping me? Because it they do then there the ones that need to go to this institute, not me. I'm lonely and don't know what to do with myself right now. Its sad Simon is paying for me to stay here to get better when all that's really happening is the fact that I'm becoming more and more depressed everyday that I spend away from Harry.

He was what made me happy, he is the reason I felt guilty after I almost ended my life and possibly his own. I was his light just as much as he was mine, and I almost went out.

I never thought of expressing my feelings for him over a writing project in a journal but I don't think I can hold in the fact that I care for him more than anyone. I loved him.... Loved. Now I don't know what I feel, I haven't seen him in days and no matter how much I tell myself he is coming I know deep down that I'm in this alone, without Harry or any of the people I thought cared for me.

When he sang me Don't let my go I actually believed that he cared for me in the same ways that I cared for him, but that was just false hope defining Harry Styles himself. He was false hope, along with the smile he always seemed to charm me with, his green eyes that lured me into his trap, and his lips that kept me there through everything craving more.

I want him back... I want to get out of here and pretend none of this happened.

~ Emily

" Emily its six" A familiar staff member who's name I think was Linda said walking in as I was putting my journal under my pillow. I sighed swinging my legs over the bed wiping my eyes for the tears that I hadn't dared to stream down my face but stayed on the rim of my eyes. I followed her out of the room, she guided me down the millions of hallways and I thought of how much this reminded me of my time before my new life with the boys. I was sad, lonely, and scared all of the feelings that were soaring through me at the moment.