Arrest Me (Mature ZM)

Chapter 91

"What?" I just wanted to make sure I had heard correctly.

"Do you want kids?" He said more confidently this time.

"I've never really thought about it..." I admitted and Zayn rolled to his side to look at me. "Why?"

"I want kids," He said and caressed my face.

"With me?" I questioned and he nodded with his eyes staring directly at me. My eyes widened and I swallowed. "Why? I'd be a shitty mother..."

"Ava, you most certainly would not be a shitty mother." Zayn said sternly.

"I'm not a fan of kids..."

"You wouldn't be of your own," He smiled weakly and pulled my body closer.

"Why are we even talking about this?" I questioned.

"I was thinking about my future...our future...as you were showering," He sighed. I could sense the vulnerability in his voice as he spoke. "I wanted to hear what you thought about having kids..."

"You know that it's a long way off, right?" I questioned. I wouldn't be having kids for a while even if I wanted to. I wanted to graduate from college and have a steady job before settling down. He nodded and then kissed me passionately.

"I can wait," He whispered. My heart raced at the thought of getting pregnant and losing my figure. Zayn wouldn't love me the same if I gained weight. There would be so much pressure on me to be a good mother and to do things right, even though I would have no clue what to do. My mother had rarely been a good mother so I was more clueless than most. "What are you thinking about?" Zayn's fingers grazed my cheek lightly as he tried to bring me out of thought.

"Getting pregnant and being a horrible mom," I sighed and avoided his eyes.

"You wouldn't be doing it alone, Ava. I'd be here for you and we'd do this together." Zayn encouraged.

"Why are you talking about this like it's going to happen?! " I questioned, my tone rising.

"I'm sorry," Zayn sighed. We stayed silent for a minute without looking at each other.

"This isn't exactly something that we can talk about and come to a conclusion on in one night." I finally said and he nodded.

"I really want to be a dad..." He sighed and rolled out of bed. I could tell he was frustrated with me and my lack of a definite response.

"Where are you going?" I questioned.

"I'm not gonna be able to sleep..." He sighed as he pulled on sweatpants. "I'm going downstairs..."

"Zayn..." I sighed and sat up.

"It's not you, Ava. It's not you," He smiled weakly before walking downstairs. I lay back in bed and closed my eyes. I felt like I was about to cry but I couldn't.

Zayn couldn't be upset at me for being unsure. I had honestly never really thought about having kids. I was never in a long, steady relationship where it required me to think about it. I had always just had flings and nothing more. I had never even had a pregnancy scare.

There was no way I could be a good mother. I would hate to have kids like me but I had no clue how to raise kids so that they weren't a complete mess like me. I didn't think Zayn understood my dilemma.

I got out of bed and quietly crept downstairs. Zayn was sitting on the couch looking at something in his hands. "Zayn?" I called out and he quickly put whatever was in his hands away. He looked up at me. "Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not, baby. I just have a lot on my mind," He smiled.

"It feels like you are," I sighed and he immediately got out of the chair to walk over to me.