As Usual: Phan Three-Shot (boyxboy)

The Usual

Chapter 3: The Usual

This was killing Phil. Being silent, being his normal self, was like torture. Knowing his best friend was drowning in his self-made problems and he wasn't doing anything, Phil felt weights being dropped on his shoulders, slowly crushing him into a pulp. Dan was locked up in the world of his worst enemy-- himself-- and Phil was retreating to safety. This was stalemate, no one was winning but the casualities grew larger by the second.

"Fancy some Chinese?"

Phil jumped at the voice of his best friend. "What?" he asked, still teetering on the edge of reality and his thoughts.

Dan grinned like everything was fine even when they both knew it wasn't. "It's already 8:35 and I'm starving. Want to order some Chinese?"

Phil nodded with a smile of his own. As usual, he was silent.

They were faking being okay. They were faking being normal. They were faking not knowing anything. They were faking being fine with this silent agreement.

They were so good at faking it that they even tricked each other into thinking this was the truth.

So Dan went to order for the both of them. Phil stayed silent, as usual.

The delivery arrived and Phil got their orders as he always did, humming a silent tune as he hopped down the steps like everything was normal.

As he treaded the same steps, humming the same happy tune, Dan commented from above, "Mmmh, smells amazing!" as he always did. Everything was fine.

Dan had cleared the dining table from his laptop and empty coffee mug, so Phil set their food. Phil took a seat on the blue chair, like usual, but he can't stop thinking about the injustice in the previous events that had occurred earlier.

It wasn't fair that Dan got to deviate from his usual noisy self and Phil did not from his silence. Surely, Phil was allowed to do some commentary if Dan got to be eerily quiet, just to put some balance. He had to make up for Dan's silence, right?

"You were wrong, you know?" Phil started. Dan looked up from his plate. "About what?"

"First of all, you're not selfish. Second, you're the perfect friend, at least for me. Third, you're not betraying me at all. Fourth, you're not stupid. And fifth, I heard you."

With each sentence, Dan's face grew even paler. With each word, they both stopped faking.

Dan was blinking back tears. Thoughts raced inside his head, his mind trying to decipher all of Phil. What were his eyes saying? What was his face expressing? What did his words mean?

"You heard... everything." Phil nodded, though Dan wasn't asking but making himself realise that Phil heard everthing he had said. Talking always did help him understand things better.

Dan stood up, embarrassment taking their toll on him. Phil followed suit. Despite his efforts, tears rolled down Dan's cheeks.

"Everything I said, you heard but you didn't say anything?!" Hatred washed over the embarrassment. Dan turned around, wanting to leave the room, but Phil caught his arm before he could go far.

"Dan!"

"You let me make a fool out of myself! Why? Because you wanted to laugh at every word, you wanted me to feed your ego, you wanted me to feel every single stab at the highest possible intensity, you--"

"DAN!"

Dan stopped talking. His head bowed as if defeated, and he wasn't struggling against Phil's hold anymore. He'd gone limp. He'd surrendered.

Phil gulped down a lump in his throat. Crying never helps in situations where you need to be strong.

"Dan, please look at me."

Dan followed. His fringe shielded most of his face, but the tear tracks were still visible to Phil. Phil moved closer to Dan and held his face in both of his hands. His thumbs wiped the tears from his cheeks-- a silent reassurance.

"Do you think I'm capable of such mean things?"

More tears made their way onto the brunet's face which Phil quickly wiped.

"I will never hurt you. You really need to stop letting your mind wander too far from reality or you'll cause yourself too much unnecessary pain."

Phil gently lifted Dan's face so he could look into those beautiful brown irises that he loved so much. The same brown irises that he drowned in all those years ago in Piccadilly Train Station.

"You're always so expressive; I could always read you like an open book. I wished I was the same so I wouldn't need to remind you all the time." Phil stepped closer and smiled warmly, lovingly. "You mean everything to me, Dan Howell. You are the person I care about most, and every second I spend with you I don't regret. The only pain you've caused me is when you aren't by my side, and even then I don't regret ever letting you in my life. I don't care if I sound like a leading man in a cheesy romance movie but mark my words, Dan, you will never be imperfect in my eyes so don't for a picosecond think that you are."

Dan's chocolate-coloured eyes brimmed with tears, but they weren't because he felt like he wasn't enough, he was unsure, nor because he had let his imagination run wild, but because he had found safety in a forest full of bloodthirsty lions that were his own thoughts.

Phil moved ever-so-closer until their foreheads rested against each other's.

"For the record," Phil added, grinning from ear to ear. "I'd fallen for my best friend too."

The End