∆Blue Neighborhøød∇ Jøshler

Stitches

No one's ever left me quite this sore. Your words cuts deeper than a knife. Now I need someone to bring me back to life.
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Crying.

That's all I seem to do.

"I still love him!" I yell while sobbing into Brendon's chest. 

I miss Josh with every fibre of my being. He's all that I want. He may have hurt me, he may have destroyed me, he may have broke me... but I still love him.  That's why I'm sitting in my bedroom clinging onto Brendon for dear life and crying.

"Tyler, how do you do it man? How can you still love him after what he's done?"

I sniffle and choke back a sob as I wipe away tears.

"You really don't get it do you?" I ask bewildered and staring at him as if he has two heads.

He silently confirms my suspicions.

"Brendon imagine something beautiful. Everything that defines your definition of beauty and mix it into a person. Imagine being able to hold everything you've ever wanted in a person in your arms. They're yours. Imagine being close to them for years. They become such a big part of you, that they eventually are your whole world. The small affectionate gestures. The hand holding, the forehead kisses, the voice whispering reassurances in your ears when you are on the verge of a panic attack, the soft caresses exchanged just to feel each other close, the first time you kiss, the first time you give that person your all... imagine it all being ripped away from you. Those touches aren't yours anymore, those comforting words don't calm you anymore, but the same voice sends you into a dizzying frenzy. The worst part isn't that you lost a part of you, or that your interior is slowly crumbling into nothingness. No, Brendon, the worst part is that I know he didn't want to do that. He did it for his dad. He did it to protect himself, and possibly myself. He chose to keep us safe, rather than loving me through the hardships. He gave up because he was afraid. That's what hurts Brendon; knowing that he still loves me, but he's forcing himself to get over me and he's causing me to do the same."

I say shakily as I walk over to my window and crack it open letting the cool night  breeze surround me.

"I just wish he would have picked loving me..., " I sigh still shaking.

Brendon eyes me slowly and pulls a small square pack from his back pocket.

"Here man try one," he says gesturing for me to take the pack of cigarettes and lighter.

I've never smoked in fear of it killing me in the long run, but what's the point when I'm already fading?

I pick up the thin stick between my fingers and bring it to my lips lighting it and inhaling sharply.

I splutter and cough as I pull away and feel my throat burn from smoke and my chest tighten from coughing, but it made me feel better.

I took another shaky drawl of the cancer stick and prayed to the God above it killed me.

My body slowly starts to stop shaking as I continue to sit by my window and smoke my cigarette.

"Brendon, do you think you could get me some alcohol soon? I know it's not the smartest way to handle this but I just need to forget, even if it's just for a few hours. I can't live with the thoughts in my head when they're just images of him smiling whirling through my head."

"Sure dude, uh I'll get us some tomorrow," he says pulling my blankets back in my bed. And crawling underneath them.

I look across my yard and see Josh's bedroom light still on, but the shades are closed.

I give a half hearted smile as I flick the cigarette butt into the yard after I smashed the end on the window seal.

"I will always love you Josh," I whisper as I close my window and turn the lights off; joining Brendon in my bed.

"Thank you for staying with me Beebo," I whisper kissing his cheek.

"What are best friends for?" He whispers back and wraps a protective arm around me.

I nod and let the sobs come back as I violently shake and eventually pound at Brendon's chest.

"I fucking hate him!"

"Who gave him the right to decide what is better for us?"

"Who gave him the right to just quit talking to me and break me into a million little pieces?"

I start screaming hysterically and grab a fistful of Brendon's shirt still crying rather loudly.

I'm glad my parents are out of town for the  next week.

I lay in bed that night with Brendon. Me crying, Brendon comforting me, and me screaming Josh's name with every breath I take.

Love will fucking destroy you.

___{a/n}___

Hello guys! DarkDreams21 is a cool bean and I really love you lots💕.

This was shit I'm so sorry.

I was sent home today for violating dress code. I was wearing this

It's was 2 inches above the crease of my knee making it to short. Well to Shelby Valley high school I would like to give a big 'fuck you' teaching young girls that they need to cover up every part of skin visible is wrong and our generation has no hope. Quit shaming girls and learn boys to quit being dicks and advert their perverted gazes and sexual thoughts.

I got bored when I was sent home so I'm a puppy