Welcome To Wonderland..

Mad as the hatter.

*A/N damn.. so im getting carried away... here goes another depressing part xD I swear the next one will explain the texts she gets from her bestfriend.. okiesss*

Why do i do what i do? Here is your answer.

 I remember exactly what happened. It was my fault. I was to late. I let her. I didnt help her. I blame myself for what she did. What she asked me to do.. The game she wanted to play.. The text..

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I was nearly done sorting through her clothes in her closet when i found it, i thought she had discarded of them a while back- but some part of me knew she had lied. It was a tiny box; it was blue with little paw prints on, i bought it her in 6th grade and for some reason she had kept it. I remember opening the little box, lifting the lid up and finding the blades. I noticed that she had been stealing little blades from the push up knives we use in our wood work class however i thought nothing of it.. until i found the little box..

A few days after i decided that i would confront her about them and she promised me that she would stop, but i know thats a promise almost impossible to keep.  I couldnt deal with it. I couldnt cope with what was going on; so i did a bad thing.. A mistake.. Its easier to start.. than it is to stop..

I couldnt cope. Sometimes, you want something, you need something, anything to distract yourself from the world; even for a minute- i was losing it. I was so worried. The thought of being alone, losing my best friend, it killed me from the insides. It destroyed me! I watched my best friend deteriorate in front of me by those same actions of mine now. 

"NO! I CANT DO THIS!!" i screamed. For the first time ever, i screamed.. i would usually hide it all, let it build up.. but no. I lost I couldnt take it. I plunged a knife into my thigh and pulled it along and watched blood flood out of me..of myself.. I was so done. I couldnt bare the thought of being alone.. It was the worst thing i had done.. i instantly regretted it. I was going mad. 

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To this day, i regret what i started doing. The story continues and so does the way i feel. Each day i feel myself growing weaker.. but at the same time stronger. People try to help, but its no use. But ill continue to smile no matter how broken i am. Sometimes i cant stay strong, i break down and want to die but at the end of the day ill always know how to fake a smile. 

Just remember people keep these things a secret because how can you possibly fix the broken, when they cant be fixed?

*A/N heyy. Sorry its not long and its bad, but i really needed to write something... The next part will have a lot more of a story line i promise xD *