Welcome To Wonderland..

Falling further.

*A/N, decided to do another part because why not? Sorry its bad and slightly weird but enjoy xD* *Trigger warning*

It clots, i watch as the blood from my wrist stops, it hurts, but its oddly satisfying...

Slowly, i walked over to the dial on the shower and turn it, not too hot, not too cold. I dreaded this. Dreaded but at the same time loved the sting, that is so overwhelming that it clears my poisoned mind, maybe not for long, but enough to want to live another day. Steam filled the room.

Silently, i take my clothes off, undoing my bra and letting it drop to the floor. Violent bullets of water crash down onto my delicate skin as my mind fades into dullness and everything becomes a foggy illusion. The sensation of the water calms me but hurts me at the same time; it takes my mind off things. All the things that get to me, that build up, all the stupid little things that shouldn't matter to me.. My mind swirls, and it's like I'm standing under an everlasting waterfall. Ever so beautiful, but it can never last, I know that now. Water droplets seep into my wounds on my wrist and i flinch. 

I step out of the shower and stare at my reflection in the mirror, hating everything i see, my mind is filled with everything i hate about myself. Every word i have ever been called.

"YOURE FAT"

"CUT YOURSELF"

"DIE."

I fall to floor and cry because i wish i wasn't me. 

No one gets it do they? They dont know what happened to you. What you've been through. Why do i do what i do? Why do i inflict the pain i do on myself? What else can you do when your best friend left you?! When your best friend takes there own life! So i do it; I do it to kill the monsters in my head. I kill my mental pain with physical pain. 

I stand up shaking. I think to myself; " can i live another day? Or.." I cut my thoughts off and head to my room, my tiny little room, my room. My little space. I hide behind my music, behind my laughter, but when im alone the pain never ends. 

Honestly, im not ashamed of my scars. Im ashamed of the world for not understanding. Behind my smile, is everything you'll never understand.. a story you will soon know..

*A/N sooo basically on the next part i will probably be telling you people "what happened" Not the best writing ever buttt hopeee it was alright :)*