Four and Tris - If things were different (no war)

15

"Wake up!" I hear Christina calling too close to me. I yawn and open my eyes, giving them a few seconds to adjust to the light. I notice everyone is already awake and dresses and sitting on their beds. It takes me a couple of minutes to remember, but today's the day. Fear landscapes. I inhale deeply and remain as calm as possible and get out of bed. I get dressed and make my way to the area where we wait with Chris. 

Once again I was the last called in. I notice that this time Eric's watching as well, I only see him at first and I begin to panic and search for Tobias, immediately calming down when I find him sitting at the computer. He glances at me quickly but looking away just as fast when Eric closes the door. Tobias hands him the serum without even looking up and I sit in the chair. Lean back. Breathe.

***

I sit up and notice the lack of support I usually get from Tobias when I wake. I flicker my eyes between him and Eric. Eric looks as if he's been laughing or wants to hold in a laugh and I remember the addition to my fear landscape. Intimacy. I feel my cheeks turn red and I look at Tobias completely embarrassed. He looks at me emotionless and continues to do something on the computer. 

"Six fears," Eric says to break the silence, "not bad, Stiff." I nod my head and get up to leave. Tobias didn't say anything, I've ruined it. I knew I was worried about going to fast but I didn't know it would become one of my fears, and especially with him. 

I find Chris sitting at our usual table with everyone and I try my best to smile at her but she can see straight through me. 

"Hey, nobody's in the dorm right now, let's go talk." She said gently taking my wrist and leading me back. We sit on our beds and I feel my eyes fill with tears. I can not cry. I hold them back and close my eyes for a few seconds but his cold face just sticks in my mind. Of course I've put him off me now, he probably only wanted me for that one thing anyway.

"My fears changed." I said with a lump in my throat.

"What happened? How many did you have?"

"Six, how many did you have? It's embarrassing I'd rather not say." I look around the room avoiding eye contact with her, but I hear her gasp with shock. 

"You only had six?!" I nod my head and she begins to tell me about her experience which surprisingly takes my mind off mine. "Tris, I've wanted to ask you something anyway."

"What?"

"Can we get an apartment together, I've always wanted to share a place with my best friend." I love that.

"Yes, of course." I smile and sit next to her to hug her.

***

Everyone's in the dorm now and Tobias walks in. Everyone drops to a dead silence, when I first came here I thought it was out of respect but I've learnt that he's actually a common fear in initiates landscapes. 

"You have an hour before you need to be in the pit to see your rankings. Remember, your rankings will determine what order you get to chose your jobs in. Tris," my attention snaps automatically to him when he says my name, "you left your sweater in the room, come and get it." I timidly walk past everyone and follow him until out of sight.

"About earlier-" I begin.

"Tris, you don't need to explain, I totally understand, in fact I expected that. You've only just had your first kiss." He says with a sincere look in eyes of understand and trust. This is the first time I've not felt like a silly little initiate to him, I feel like someone he cares about. Someone who he's willing to compromise with. I smile as I trail behind him and he passes me my sweater, I was completely oblivious he was holding it the whole time. 

***

I stand next to Chris and we wait anxiously for our names to appear on the leader board. Max, stands before us and gives us a long speech about bravery and pride. I allow my mind to drift off, once we find out our rankings we will go back to the dorm for our last night, and tomorrow morning we will claim a job and get given a room. Max finishes his last words and I look to the bored. 

I completely when my name is the first to appear. I was ranked first? The rest of the names appear and Chris and I find ourselves cheering together, she's so happy for me I don't think she even cares about anything else right now. I feel strong hands wrap around my waist and I turn to see Tobias. I don't even think, I just kiss him. Right now, I don't care who sees.