Today when he arrived he was looking handsome as always, charismatic as always, but with a little sparkle. I didn't really understand until Alice arrived charming as always, odd but true. I tried to avoid conversation and eye contact so i just kept talking to Mary Elizabeth.
Look at this look at that haha funny. But then what i think i can call "torture" started. Kiss in the chick, let's hold hands, hug me, let's get away from them and pretend they don't exist. It didn't feel like a big deal at the time because Mary Elizabeth was there to entertain me, as always even though she might not realize what an awesome friend she was today. But in the way back, where everything was silent and cuddly in the back of the car it hit me.
It hurts when you see someone you love so satisfied and happy with someone else and that you were never able to make them feel that way. But i think i had an epiphany in that car or something because, I've come to the realization that i might just feel lonely and i'm in love with the idea of a relationship.
I don't know maybe i just wanna feel wanted? or be someone's crush? first choice?... idk the only thing i know is that i wanted to hug him so bad, as always.
