cryptic ⋙ calum hood

2. Calum

"You're an idiot." I chuckled with Luke, discussing lunch today as we walked back to my house after school. I kicked a stone along the sidewalk, smirking at the thought of Cassie turning bright red. I felt a bit guilty since she seemed nice enough. We hadn't done it on purpose though.

"You're the one who fell," he snorted, a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

"You pushed me," I narrowed my eyes and gave him a light shove, causing him to erupt in laughter once again. Luke was a smug bastard, no matter how quiet he seemed. Rolling my eyes, I led the way up the steps to my front door, retrieving my keys from my pocket and wiggling them into the lock. Luke ran ahead of me once we were in, and flopped down on the white sofa, sighing dramatically. He grabbed the remote and flipping through the channels rapidly. I sat down at the other end of the sofa, typing away on my laptop that I had left on the coffee table that morning.

"Who needs help today, Cedar?" Luke scooched much closer to me, and watched the screen with a smirk, using my pseudonym.

"It's Mr. Cedar to you, you arse." I nudged him jokingly. I logged in quickly and glanced at the messages. Sixty-three.

Cedar was my "alter-ego," simply put. The blog had started off as an anonymous outlet to help me get through what happened with James, and had evolved into much more. After someone from school found it and it had gone viral, people from all over reached out to me asking for advice. Everyone was so curious as to who Cedar was, knowing that they went to Garrison high due to my mentioning of our school in a post. Nobody knew it was me, and I wanted to make sure it stayed that way. Luke, Michael, and Ashton were the only ones who knew about my double identity. They were the only people I trusted enough, and Ashton had actually been the one to suggest letting out my feelings this way. They were also the only ones who knew about James. I didn't need people's pity, and since he had gone to school in the town over, nobody really realized anything had happened.

'Cedar, I really need your opinion on long distance relationships. My boyfriend is moving away for six months, and I don't know if we should stay together or breakup. I really love him, but don't know what to do. What do you think? -6 months too many'

"Just break up." Luke scoffed reading the question. I rolled my eyes at him, beginning to type an answer.

'I think long distance depends on you and your boyfriend. You can easily make it work using skype and setting a time and day to video chat each other. You also say you love him, so you should be willing to work through this time. Six months isn't that long since time flies, and you'll be back together soon. If you love him, stay with him. -Cedar' I posted my answer, satisfied and moved on.

"Oh, you hopeless romantic." He laughed lightly, turning his attention back to the television

"I am," I agreed, not denying the obvious. I answered a few more questions with Luke's help, and soon I reached one that made me smile.

'You helped me with my self harm, and I opened up to someone about how I felt. You've saved my life. Thank you Cedar!!! -not so lonely after all'

"Luke, read this!" I shoved the laptop in his lap, sure my excitement was clear. I loved knowing I could help people with issues as severe as self harm. The thought of mutilating your own skin had never made sense to me until I read James' journal, and then I began understanding the logic behind it all.

It gave the person control when their life seemed to lack just that. It gave them something to focus on instead of their emotions, and it was something done with great haste that helped them stay alive. It sounded odd, how something so dangerous and reckless could actually keep you alive, but as I began realizing it was just another coping method like writing or playing music, it began to make sense. I couldn't say I totally understood every aspect of it, because it was something I had never gone through. You really can't fully understand something unless you go through it.

Nonetheless, I tried my hardest to help people to the best of my ability. I wasn't a professional, obviously, but the blog helped me feel important and not so alone. People told me I helped keep them alive, but little do they know that this blog was keeping me alive.

"That's really great man." He passed the laptop back, giving me a genuine smile. He and the other boys understood that saving people this way was the closest to closure I'd ever get with James. I could've saved him, and I didn't, and this was my attempt to make up for it.

a/n alright, things may be a tad confusing, but they will begin making sense. ill also be alternating between cassie and calum a lot. like i said, chapters will get longer as we get farther into the story, and also, give the two of them time. :)

thank you for reading!