cryptic ⋙ calum hood

17. Cassie

I listened to the lecture my parents gave, about them, about us as a family, about my not contacting them and my behavior. They had fallen for the “I got drunk and fell” excuse when makeup wouldn’t cover the bruises no matter how much I caked on, and figured I was off getting drunk and fucking everyone.

“This isn’t about you, Cassandra, it’s about us. We are not going to discuss our marriage with you and you have completely crossed the line with your behaviour.”

“What are you going to do? Ground me?” I scoffed. “I’m going to do whatever I want no matter what- it’s a quality I get from you, dad.” I tilted my head with a smirk, my mom looking down uncomfortably and my dad stiffening.

“Cassandra, don’t speak to me like that.”

“How about I don’t speak to you at all? Dick.” I pushed myself off the couch and walked out the front door with them calling behind me. I knew I wasn’t being my normal, obedient self, but I didn’t care. Who gave them the right to be in an adulterous relationship but still try to act like I was in the wrong? They had no idea what was going on in my life. They were stupid enough to fall for my excuses and they couldn’t see how much their fucking daughter was hurting, and that was enough for me to want to leave and never come back.

Of course I had to, though, but not until much, much later. I took out my phone, and hesitantly rang up Parker.

“Cassie,” he breathed. “Hi.”

“Parker,” my voice broke.

“Cassie, I-I’m so sorry,” he sounded like he had been crying.

“You hurt me.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry. I- I wasn’t myself last night. Please.”

“No.”

“Please, Cassie.”

“I don’t know.” I hung up and didn’t know why I had even called him in the first place. Closure, maybe? But hearing his voice… I couldn’t just end things. He kept trying to call me back, so I turned off my phone and decided to get on another train. I got off a town over and wandered around aimlessly once again. I hoped that I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew like I had yesterday.

I wanted to cry and scream and talk to anyone who would listen, but I knew I couldn’t. As I walked, I pressed my fingernails into my palms, blinking rapidly to avoid tears.

I hated my parents. I hated Parker. I hated myself and my cuts and my bruises and my scars.

The black car with the familiar license plate caught my attention and I furrowed my brows, wiping at my eyes. Parked in front of a cemetery, I was confused. I saw the black haired boy sitting before a headstone, arms resting on his knees. I found the opening gate and walked down the path until I ended up just behind him.

“Cal?” I whispered, causing him to whip around and face me. His face was tear stained and his eyes red and still wet.

“Cassandra,” he rubbed his sleeve over his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” I looked past him to look at the white stone he had been talking to. 'Where there is much light, the shadows are deepest.' “Who’s James?” I stared at him.

He didn’t reply, he only stared at the headstone and the wilting roses alongside some fresh ones.

“They’re gonna throw those ones out,” he said quietly. “Why can’t they just leave the flowers? If they don’t let them die, these people will never get to see them,” he motioned his hand towards all of the graves. I noticed the hurt in his voice and took a seat carefully, facing him and mirroring his position.

“Calum?” I nudged him gently with my elbow. He sighed loudly and looked at me.

“He was my younger brother.”

I bit my lip in surprise. I didn’t know what to say.

“What happened? I mean- you don’t have to tell me.”

“He hung himself,” he said quickly, as if trying to get poison out of his mouth.

“Oh, Cal,” I turned myself so I was no longer facing him, but now directly beside him. I put my head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. That doesn’t do anything, I know, but I just- God, I’m sorry,” I stumbled over my words and heard him chuckle.

“Cassie, don’t be.”

He leaned his head on mine and although the sun was shining and the birds were chirping, nothing felt right and not just for me, but for everyone.

***

I sat alone in a cafe after Calum had gone home to rest. I just fumbled on my phone pointlessly, before deciding to open Cedar’s blog. I quickly created an account, not mentioning my name, and decided to reply to his answer that I had read on Friday.

I want to tell you who I am, but I can’t. Everything is falling apart and I don’t know what to do and I don’t know who to talk to. I don’t want to drag my friends into my problems. But it’s more than I can handle on my own.

I checked again later that night, laying in bed in the dark. My parents weren’t speaking to me, and I was fine with that. I had school tomorrow and they’d be back at work and none of us would see each other. I held my breath, clicking the little number one indicating I had a single message.

You won’t have to handle it on your own. I’ll try to help.