Not Broken, Just Bent: The Band Perry Sister Story

Chapter 3: You Can't Break What's Broken

2 larger bodies wrapped me into a hug, and before I knew it I was being squished in between them.

Reid and Neil.

"Don't kill her!" Kimberly yelled, obviously noticing how uncomfortable I was too.

They loosened their grip and let go.

"We missed you so much!!" Reid who was on my left, exclaimed.

Neil added, "Yeah we really did! I'm so glad we're all here!"

All three of them stood and stared at me with dumb looks on their faces. It's as if they wanted me to say something as nice back to them. Say something like, "Oh I missed you so much too!!!" or "I'm so happy to see y'all again!" But I couldn't. I wouldn't. Because that's not how I felt.

"I missed you too." I said flatly, lying through my teeth.

"We should defiantly do something so fun tomorrow!!" Neil said excitedly.

"Yeah like the beach or something! We haven't been able to go for a beach for years!" Kimberly said, just as excited.

"What do you think?!" Neil said turning to me.

I simply shrugged, "Um I don't know. Lets just decided tomorrow."

We then all left the room to go join my parents in the living room for the rest of the night.

When 11:30pm rolled around Kimberly and I finally walked back into our new room together to get ready for bed.

I went into the bathroom first and took a shower. Then we switched. 

Since Kimberly's in the shower, I'm just going to turn off the lights and go to bed right now. I don't want to risk any awkward talks  or constant inquisitive questions from her.

I knew they thought something was up. I had basically ignored them all night. Reid, Kimberly, and Neil kept trying to talk to me all night but I just kind of shut them out and avoided them. I don't know what it is with me. I mean, I wish I could just let them into my lives again. I wish we could just start where we left off last summer. But.. I just couldn't do that to myself. Through out this year whenever I thought about calling them, or texting them, or sending them the songs I wrote (yes I write and play, but my siblings don't really know), something always stops me. When they left it hurt me so bad and I just can't get past that. I can't really forgive them for it. 

Suddenly the bathroom light turned off and Kimberly quietly opened the door and swiftly walked into our dark room.

Crap. Now she probably knows I'm awake. I slowly shifted myself to the right of my bed, facing away from her.

"Hey Caitlin.. are you awake," Kimberly asked in a soft whisper.

I cringed for a moment, and then sighed. I can't believe I was about to do this, "Yes."

"Can we talk for a minute." 

I rolled over to face her. Her face was half lit from the moonlight shinning into our room. She was standing a few feet away from my bed.

"What's up?" I asked pretending like I had no idea what she was about to say to me.

"Ok.. um.. Is something wrong?" She asked nervously. She obviously didn't know how I would respond to this coversation.

"Um no. Why?"

"Well you haven't really been yourself. You've been quiet and reserved this whole time."

"Well maybe people change Kimberly." I told her, with an edge to my voice.

She took a step closer, she was now standing on the edge of my bed, "But.. you seem to be kind of avoiding us. Avoiding the whole family really. Are you sure you're ok?" 

"YES! I'm fine Kimberly." I insisted.

"Is it something we did?" 

Of course she kept asking questions. This is how she works, she's never satisfied with one answer. She always has to keep digging.

I studied her for a moment. How could she even ask such a dumb question. OF COURSE it was something they did. 

At that moment I just wanted to tell her. Tell her that I missed them and I needed them, but because they left me and never called or came back I learned to move on. And now, I don't want them here. I don't need them here. 

Now's not the time to tell them though. "No I don't care that you guys are here. It's not your fault," I once again lied to her face.

She opened her mouth to say something else, but I cut her off before she could, "You can't break whats already broken."

I then turned over and faced the window. Showing her that I was done talking.

Them being here means nothing to me. They can't hurt me or leave me again because at this moment I can't love them. I can't forgive them. They can't break me again, because I'm already broken.