Beyond the Lights

2AM.09

it didn't feel real. it felt like tomorrow morning I'm gonna walk into school with Lilly like nothing ever happened. We're good - were okay.  At 2am this is the worst time to be thinking about things like this but if I could sleep I would. I sat up and checked my phone nobody called or texted. I get up from bed the cold floor causing me to shudder.  I wrap my thinner Blanket around me and go downstairs.

"No.. dammit."

before I flip on the kitchen light I hear mumbling from outside the door followed by shattering glass. The one damn night mom decides to take a night shift this cannot be happening. I slowly walk over to the window in the living room but it's too dark to see anything.

"This is all my fault." the voice cried out.

the voice was recognizable but I've been up since 6am yesterday I've got to be delirious at this point.

I put my ear against the door but could only hear silence now. Convinced who ever it was was gone after a moment I opened the door only to see Chresanto pacing  back and forth until he looks up at me. My heart drops and he looks embarrassed he  looks down at the glass and liquid under his shoes. By then the smell of alcohol hit me and I looked at his blood shot eyes. We stand there for a moment without saying anything I don't know if it was the alcohol or sadness was actually on his face. He was going to speak but the cold air breezing in beat him too it so I told him to come in so I could close the door. I looked down at his leg it was wrapped with a bandage that would peak out every step he took but he seemed to be walking fine.

"Don't you think you should put your leg up-"

"No, and I don't want to talk about it." he mumbles he leans back on the door and slides himself down to the floor.

I sit next to him trying to wrap the fact that he's back at my house around my head.

"What are you doing here Chresanto?" I whisper.

he turns and looks at me at this point were so close to each other I could practically taste the booze from his breath but I ignore it. His eyes were low and just like I was he looked like he'd been up all night.

"I'm trying to leave you alone..." His voice low and raspy sends chills through me.  "But I'm drunk and I can't. Things ain't really going right anyway so.."

I swallow hard.. he wants to leave me alone? he can't? why?

"Why?" I look down.

He pulls up his knees and hangs his head in frustration I could tell he wanted to tell me something but debating if he should.

"I wish I could say but I don't understand it.. I don't understand why when I'm around you.."

I was on the edge I didn't say a word hoping he'd finish the sentence. He throws his head back and looks at me again the look on his faces tells me it's useless he doesn't know how to say whatever it was.

"Can I just stay here tonight?" He mumbles.

I sigh on the inside I was screaming no. I wanted him to know that I was upset for him leaving unexpectedly last time but this vulnerable look was telling me otherwise.

I nodded.

he took a big breath of relief and seemed less tense for a moment we sat there I picked at my nails until I caught him staring at me his eyes flickered between my eyes and my lips. I couldn't help or stop myself from looking at his until the sent of alcohol threw me off. If I had stayed there a little longer I probably would have kissed him from temptation or he would've. But he's drunk he has no clue what he's doing he's probably going to regret this in the whole conversation in morning. I got up and he stopped looking at me at this point  I wish I could read his expression or his mind. In frustration I told him I'm gonna go upstairs and he could stay down here. I grabbed him pillows and blankets I left him clean clothes from what was left in my dads things and wrapped myself in my own bed while he got comfortable downstairs.