"Hold my hand" ~ Taekook ♥

.Prologue.

              

Subconsciously, my damaged mind finds it's way out and pukes all over my writings. -departedlovers

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 I know everything I am not and everything I will never be. It pained me to constantly be reminded of all my failures, of all my flaws and lacking qualities. I was not born good enough and never will be; I knew that, but still a part of me denied the truth. A part of me screamed and trashed in this body of mine for another reality. My body screamed for a different soul, my mind screamed for a different reality, but every morning I woke up showing no signs of my screams and cries. With time, I learned to hide all the pain, all the fear, all the heartbreak, and all the cries well within my bones and between these sheets. But I made sure to never let the darkest parts of me and the pain ever leave this room, I locked the pain down to my bed and tucked it in real tight. I had to, I had no other choice. No one loves broken things. I learned at a young age that only beautiful people were loved and to be beautiful in their view was to be soft, pure, white, kind, happy and angelic; most important you were not allowed to be broken. I was. Which I found insane because everyone is a little broken. I was rough and slightly on the dark skinned side, I did not look angelic and I had a strong gaze, I was different and looked at the world naively. I was kind, but not everyone saw past my dark features. I only found my self beautiful at times in the dark with no-to-little light seeping through my window. My features were only soft through the foggy mirror after a shower and I was white after endless days of no sleep and only coffee. My mind shared both pure and dark thoughts that swirled into each other, sometimes contradicted itself and my actions seemed to never match my thoughts. I wasn't insane, just a bit different and I didn't expect anyone to understand me because I didn't even understand myself. I didn't want anyone to try to understand me or to "fix" me, I just wanted someone to love and admire me the way I am. Because I was not broken, not sad, not in need of fixing; just in need of loving.

I Kim Taehyung was as simple and confusing as I could be, but no one ever felt it worth their time to love a human being so different and strange like me. I was not a loner nor did I not have any friends, strangely I was social and kind when I was put into a position where I had to act. I always showed my sincerest smile and treated everyone with the same amount of kindness and warmth. As long as I had left my darkness in my room than I was fine. Aside from the surprise panic attacks I was fine. I was surviving.

But surviving become a challenge after I met him. He looked so innocent so harmless, never in my life did I want someone to come and try to unravel me because unraveling me meant seeing my darkness and raw emotions. That was something I myself never wanted to do, .... because deep down I was afraid of that other part of me. I wanted someone to just simply love me, but I naively didn't know the consequence that came with love. I had always believed that loving someone just meant keeping them company, hugging them while you fall asleep and silently comforting them while they cry. I never thought that with love unraveling each other was a must, that words and sharing each others minds were required. If someone had told me this, then I would have never wanted to be loved in that sense. I would have never let myself fall for him so easily.

But I did, because I was so in need of another human's touch.