"Hold my hand" ~ Taekook ♥

I.

{Taehyung POV}

"What if I'm the one that's wrong. What if it's not them but me? What? Think about it Teddy, really think about it! What if there was something wrong with me. I know I'm not the same as everyone else around me; sadly, not for best. But I never thought I was that different. Not to the point where it could really be all my fault. I wonder why mom hates me though? The way she used to look at me when I was younger, it always seemed off. Was I that much of a disgrace?" 

 It was late at night... no maybe Friday night? Saturday morning? Taehyung locked himself in his bedroom for hours, days. Frankly he didn't know. He closed off his blinds and this time of the year he wouldn't get a glimpse of the sun anyways. He shut his phone off after his little nap on the tree. Skipped the rest of Friday's classes and sneaked into his room through the window. From than on he stayed in bed in need of his own company and mental rest. Ahhh, it frustrated him how he couldn't do anything without his parents finding out and having some type of bad backfire. Always! Constantly! They ask him a question, he comes to answer and they yell at him for "back-taking." And that was the good days. What was he supposed to do? It drove him crazy and sometimes he thinks he is crazy for hating his parents so much. For yelling back at them and getting into fights because some days he couldn't stand being the silent child getting yelled at and hit for futile reasons. Maybe his mom slapping him countless of times while screaming at him after finding out his skipped the rest of the his class was his fault, but it was very rare when he was the one at fault. 

"Teddy, everything is out of control. Nothing makes sense." Taehyung sighed and flopped to the other side of the bed. Now facing his back to the wall, he hugged teddy and curled into a ball. He eyed his door. Locked, his desk chair under the doorknob applying pressure in keeping the door shut and blocked. After his mother was done with him he made sure to lock the door. So when a few hours ago his mother tried to yell at him again she was only left with the option of  banging at the door;  screaming his dad was going to come back home from work tonight and he better keep shut and behave, but he couldn't care less. His dad hasn't come home in the past week and a half, so why would he come today? He was hoping his mother would yell some more than go out with her friends, and his dad not to come home for a few more days, at least not until the weekend was over. 

Taehyung's mind started to drift off from school to friends to Jungkook. He started thinking about how the boy might think about him. How deep down, Jungkook might not want anything to do with him. Maybe Jungkook knows the truth. Maybe he saw the dents in the wall when he came over that one night? He must have guessed that Taehyung's house wasn't the warmest place to be in. How the heater was never on, how the kitchen looked so worn out even though it wasn't old. How empty the house was, how empty he was? Jungkook must have noticed more and found out the truth. A flood of guilt and shame took over Taehyung. He felt guilty and regretful for crying in front of Jungkook, for letting him into his house, for breaking down so many times in front of him and for letting him read a bit from his book by accident. Jimin knew and Taehyung felt safe, he felt he wasn't always alone. But the possibility of Jungkook knowing made him hate himself, made him feel ashamed and guilty. He didn't want the pretty boy down the street with the perfect family and perfect life to know the truth of what happened at the end of the street. He didn't care, he was going to stop whatever was going on between them, he was going to stop Jungkook from knowing anymore. He needs to stay strong until he graduates.