When China Breaks//Ed Sheeran #Wattys2016 #NewVoices

rational decisions

I couldn't sleep. It was too hard with the constant sound of the monitor beeping in my ear. I wanted to roll around onto my side but my leg was suspended, so that was impossible. On top of that, it was beginning to hurt, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want anyone to think that I couldn't handle it.

My mind raced the entire night, and I kept thinking about my leg. Not dancing was not at the top of my priorities. Walking was. But along with that, I didn't want to be an amputee. I didn't want the only time I was in a relationship to be with some freak who had a fetish! I wanted both of my legs, and I walked to walk, but obviously I couldn't have the best of both worlds.

The next morning, when the doctors came in to check on me, they brought something I was all too happy to see: drugs. My new doctor, Doctor Zander, was a handsome and kind man who I didn't mind seeing often. He danced his way into my room and I cracked a smile. "Good morning, sunshine!" He beamed. He went to the sink to wash his hands and placed on a pair of gloves.

"Hello," I replied.

"Not a peep from you the whole night. Did you sleep okay?" He asked me. He reached over to get something from a cabinet, and I took the time to look at his butt. He looked back and I looked away.

"Not really."

"Did Ed come in today?" He asked.

"I don't know an Ed," I tell him. "Is he another doctor?"

"No, he sings to the patients." He tells me, and I can't help but find it a little but weird. When they were asleep or awake, I wonder.

"No, I haven't met him," I say.

"Not awake at least." He winked at me. I sank into the bed, unsure about how I felt about anything at the moment. He brought over the tray he came in with. It had a very fierce looking needle. "So you decided to keep your leg?"

"My mom already decided for me," I muttered.

"It's not too late to change your mind. But if you decided to get it taken off, you can never take that back." He found the perfect spot above my cast and brace to insert the needle into my leg. It burned like hell for about two seconds, and after that, there was nothing. I sighed as my leg seemingly disappeared from my body although it was still there.

"Yeah I know. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair." I tell him. "But I also don't want to be an amputee."

"Look, Aaliyah. Some of the best people in the world are missing limbs. If you put your mind to it, you can do anything you want to do. Who knows, maybe you'll even be able to dance. There was a little girl on Ellen who was an amputee, and guess what? She was a ballerina. It'll be hard, but I can look at you and see you're a strong girl. You have to be to do that kind of dance." He said. I couldn't help but feel a bit hopeful, but not enough to make me sure about my surgery.

"I'm scared of what my mom might say if tell her I want to get it cut off--"

Our conversation was cut short by a guitar strumming and a boy walking into the room. He was humming, but once he saw that I was awake, he stepped out just as fast as he showed up. Doctor Zander laughed. "Ed? You can come in, I'm done." He called. Ed walked back into the room. He was a familiar boy with red hair, which seemed air blown by the nonexistent fan in the room. In his hands, he held and undersized guitar. "Oh, Aaliyah, this is Ed."

"Yeah..." I mumbled. Ed smiled, looking st me sideways. He was waiting for something. "Hi."

"You don't remember me?" He asked. He had a British accent and it was coming back to me at about one megabit per second downloads.