Bulletproof

2a. Virginia

Jimin suppresses his urge to snicker at you as you make faces at the baby in your lap. The infant's laughter bubbles through plump, rosy lips and curls yours into a deep red crescent.

"Hi, sweetie! You're so pretty, little girl! I'm so glad your uncle lets me spoil you."

You bounce the child on your lap and wink playfully at Jimin. He holds his hand out, and the baby takes one of his fingers between five of her own stubby ones. She tries to pull it into her mouth to suck on, but Jimin resists her and puts his face inches from hers, smiling with white teeth peering out between thick lips.

"What are you doing, Mimi? You can't eat my finger. I need that--" His words end abruptly, something else he means to say getting caught in his throat before he closes his mouth.

There is a sudden shift in his mood, as though he's almost been caught in a lie. The line that creates the arch of his back gains just a little bit more rigidity. A divot appears in one cheek like he's biting the inside of his lip. Each inhalation sends his nostrils flaring ever so slightly.

"Jimin?" Your voice interrupts his strange stress reaction.

"Hmm?" he asks, eyebrows lifting in that way they do when he is planning a surprise and struggling to keep it under wraps. But there is a fear reflecting in his eyes that tells you this isn't the kind of secret you truly want to hear.

The bouncing of your knee slows.

"Jimin, why are you making that face?"

He furrows his eyebrows and cocks his head as he fakes a smile, cocoa bangs flopping across his eyes. "What?"

You set Mimi on the floor to crawl between the legs of all the baby-proofed furniture and scoot closer to Jimin. You rest your palm against the back of his hand.

"Jimin, something's bothering you. Tell me what it is."

Jimin inhales slowly and shakes his head. "I will, I will. But...not right now. It's not the time." He smiles without showing his teeth, and it sends a ripple of indignation through your chest.

"When's a good time then?" you counter, a bit of an edge creeping into your voice.

"Just...later," he stalls.

Your accelerating heartbeat forces words from your mouth. "No, Jimin, just tell me now. You're making me anxious."

He sighs and slips his hand out from yours to run it through his hair. "Babe, I really don't think you want to hear it right now. It's a long story, and...it's going to make you..." He hesitates. "...emotional."

Jimin doesn't actually move, but somehow, it seems as though he is shying away from you, retreating into the upholstery of the far end of the couch.

"Well," he starts slowly. "I...you know my feelings on the war."

And with that one statement, you already know where the conversation is heading. Your stomach drops in anticipation. You don't want to listen after all. But a part of you is desperate to hear him prove you wrong.

"I...I talked to a recruiter last week...and I signed up. I'm in the Army."

There is a moment of stony silence. Even Mimi has stopped cooing as she senses the tension you are emitting towards Jimin.

"So that's it, then?" you ask with chilling tranquility in your even tone. He plays with his fingers in an attempt to avoid meeting your eyes. "You didn't want to talk to me about this decision at all? You didn't think to say, 'Hey, Virginia, I think I'm going to join the military and fight in a war that has nothing to do with me'?"

"It does have something to do with me," he counters. "And besides, if we talked about it beforehand, all that would have happened was you would have shouted and hollered until I didn't go."

"You're damn right I would have!"

"Ginnie, don't scream. You're going to scare Mimi."

"I'm scared, Jimin!" Blood rushes past your ears, a mirror of the whirling emotions behind your furious façade. You vacillate between blind terror for your first love and absolute rage at his secrecy and idiocy.

The logical side of you knows this was an inevitability. Loyalty and honor meant too much to Jimin for him to sit idly by while men died in service to the country.

But the part of you that really loves Jimin, loves his passion without reason, objects violently to his noble intentions. How could he be so selfish--preparing to leave you behind without a word of comfort?

His name bubbles viciously from your mouth in a cry of confusion, "Jimin!"

Mimi echoes your sob, frightened wails spewing from her mouth. You bend down and pick her up with one hand, teeth gritting together as the hot tears start to splash on your cheeks against your will. You rub your face roughly to make them vanish, but more keep taking their place.

After a few minutes of pacing and bouncing Mimi on your shoulder, your legs grow weak and shaky. You hover next to the couch and reluctantly sit.

Mimi whimpers into the electric air between your body and Jimin's. Your voice is thick, tear-garbled, and dangerously soft. "I just need to know." Your eyes meet Jimin's, and you are glad that fear and regret are burned into his dark irises. "Why did Mimi biting your finger make you think about telling me you joined the Army?"

Jimin lowers his head and sighs. "Because I need that finger to pull my trigger."

Without another word, you stand and take Mimi to her room. You don't know how long you are in there, rocking her until she settles down and falls asleep, but when she drifts off to a peaceful land far from the reality of the world, you grab your purse from the living room and walk out the front door.

"Virginia, wait--" Jimin calls behind you.

But you don't hesitate.

And you don't look back.