Bulletproof

4a. Evelyn

Hoseok stares at you, concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" he whispers.

You breathe out slowly. "Let's just not think about it today, okay?" You shake your head. "I can't do an ending."

"Then we won't make it one," he agrees, squeezing your hand. He stands from the park bench and pulls you to your feet.

You hadn't been able to sleep much last night. You'd been up by four to get ready to face the day.

To face your last day with Hoseok.

He'd knocked on your door around six and the two of you had walked to the park to watch the sunrise. Was it cliché? Absolutely. Did you give a damn? Not in the least.

Hoseok kicks at loose gravel as you shuffle down the walking trail. Even with your resolution to avoid the topic, the knowledge that Hoseok will be on his way to war in a mere 24 hours weighs heavily on your silence.

"Ultimate place I hope I get stationed," he says suddenly, breaking the gloom. He smiles at you, puffing out his cheeks to get you to return the expression. "Florida. The weather is perfect in the spring."

"Hoseok..."

"Just hear me out, babe. If I get stationed in Florida, I can send you pictures of palm trees in every letter."

You can't help but grin in spite of yourself.

"Florida, huh?" you ask. "Well, California has palm trees, too, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, but California has too much desert land. There's too many forts and posts inland for me to be guaranteed a spot by the water, you know? Florida is surrounded by ocean. I prefer those odds."

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. "Okay."

He lets go of your hand and grabs your arm, swinging you over his shoulder like luggage. You shriek in surprised delight.

"Hup 2, 3, 4!" he chants, jogging down the path. You can't contain your laughter at his antics, even if they do pertain to a subject you don't particularly want to dwell on.

The breakfast hour has you strolling down the street, hand-in-hand, through the spring light to the obscure coffee shop shrouded in anonymity.

You don't feel like you can stomach much of anything as you sit across from Hoseok, but you order tea and a muffin anyway. He sips from a steaming mug and breaks off a piece of his doughnut.

"Here," he insists, nodding at the chunk and holding his hand close to your mouth. You reluctantly accept.

He frowns. "You can't stop eating when I leave."

You pick at your breakfast. "I know," you say quietly.

"I know you said you wanted to leave it alone, but I just can't enjoy today if I don't know for certain that you'll keep living your life without me." His eyes are wide and his brow is set, mouth in a tight line as he waits for your response.

You put your head in your hands. "I don't have a choice to live or not live. I have to keep breathing. There's not really any way around it." Visible relief crosses his features. "What? Did you think I'd leap out a window or something?" you attempt to joke.

He shrugs. "Off a bridge would be more your style."

"Hoseok!" Your mouth hangs open in a half-smile. "You can't say stuff like that."

He winks and takes another sip of coffee. "Private Jung Hoseok..." he muses a moment later with a lopsided grin. "Has a certain ring to it, don't you think?"

You shake your head and break another piece off his doughnut. "It sounds an awful lot like, 'Here lies Jung Hoseok.'"

"It's not going to come to that, baby, okay?"

"Do you really know that, Hoseok?" you challenge.

He sets his cup down. "Yes. I do know that."

You raise an eyebrow skeptically. "Nobody knows what's going to happen in war, Hoseok." The word "war" tingles uncomfortably on your tongue, sends you squirming in your seat.

"I'm promising you right here, right now--I will do anything to make it back here--back home--to you."

You mull the vow over for a moment, torn about its validity. A part of you is taken aback. There was no way Hoseok could make such a bold proclamation and stick to it in the heat of battle, surrounded by his comrades-in-arms, facing a world of gray where it is as black-and-white as him or them. Hoseok would always pick the scenario where it would be him. In that, you think he must be bluffing to make you feel better. But then again, Hoseok's never been the type to lie either.

Your eyes search his face.

"Hoseok...I couldn't ask that of you."

You have never seen his irises glimmer with such fierce sincerity. He leans forward and takes your face in his lightly calloused hands. It briefly crosses your mind that they will never feel this soft again. He will never be this soft again. Not after brandishing guns and pulling triggers, twisting grenade pins and staring down barrels lined with the rage of foreigners plotting murder.

"You don't have to ask. I'm telling you--I'm coming back home to you." He brushes a piece of hair from your eyes so nothing is in between the two of you. His voice sounds strangely deep when he continues, full of passion and something else. It almost scares you. "No matter what."

You lean across the table until your foreheads touch and twine your fingers in his soft black hair.

"Hoseok, what if the people in your regiment mistake you for one of them?"

"They won't. I'll be wearing American colors. Our uniforms are different from the Japanese ones."

"That's not going to matter. They're going to see an Asian face, and they're not going to care about what colors you're wearing. They're not going to know your parents immigrated here years before you were even born." Your voice shakes and cracks as your volume increases. You are sure the few people in the coffee shop are staring now. "They're just going to shoot, Hoseok. I'm going to lose you! I--"

"No matter what," he interrupts in a whisper, his warm breath skimming the skin on the bridge of your nose. "No matter what."

You shut your eyes and let yourself feel Hoseok's warm presence before whispering back.

"No matter what."