Pink princess

E I G H T

Said you were my white blood, elevate my soul above, giving me your white blood I need you right here with me.
               Oh wonder- white blood (so chill)
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Sleep. A word that sounded so foreign like i hadn't heard it in ages. I thought I'd be able to sleep one hour at the most that never happened. Connor held onto me so tightly like i would escape from his arms at any giving moment. Every single time I tried to get some shut eye images would float through my head and I'd end up screaming my lungs out. I felt my throat close up and tears stream down my eyes. Would I really get past this? Am I actually as strong as i thought. Maybe I needed my family for this because right now I was feeling so very homesick. It's not like anyone from there would actual care about me especially now being some broken 20 year old.

So as I lied awake on my back feeling Connors fingers slide up and down my arms I cried, I've cried so many tears I think I'm beginning to be able to see my own reflection. if they all pooled at one spot. I hate this feeling, having so much self loath towards yourself, this has never happened to me and I despise it. There would have to had been something I could have done to stop it, scream louder, kick and punch harder anything but I didn't. I wasn't prepared for this nobody just sits on hyper own and think
ks up ways to stop from being raped. It catches you unexpectedly and for me by surprise because I would have never imagined that it would be him. Many bad things have gone on in my life but this is by far the worst and the most traumatizing.

Night came and went by in what felt like a split second. Considering we got home at almost 4am. This was gonna make my life a literal living hell. Everyone was supposed to come over today and i don't know if i was happy about it or anxious. They would treat me differently and pity me, i just knew it. Turning to look at my clock it was 11:05 am almost noon. They all agreed to come by at 3 and we would all just watch movies and eat tons of food which I was most of the time down for except today but I needed something to take my mind off this even if just for a couple hours. I didn't need to be treated like a piece of China they could just monitor their comments at times and I would be okay.

Trying and failing to get put of connor grip I sighed in fustration I needed to pee and he was holding me back. So I kept trying until he finally budged and woke up, lifting himself off my mattress his facial expression was a little confused then upon seeing me it calmed down and he sat back down next to me. "How you feeling tro, i know you didn't sleep at all" his voice was raspy from just being woken up "I'm okay sorry for screaming and crying all night you really helped Thank you for holding me all night" I replied back to him my voice still barely audible(.com/connorfranta) "s' no problem I'm gonna go make you some tea for your throat and breakfast is that alright" I nodded and made my way to the bathroom feeling like I was about to explode.

Deciding to just take a shower right then I grabbed my clothes and Towel. The water was achingly hot and burned my skin leaving it all red and blotchy. I started singing because it's what I do when I don't want to think and also no one would actually hear me so I took advantage of the situation.

"The truth runs wild like a tear down a cheek trying to save face And daddy heart break Im lying through my teeth. This voice inside had been eating at me trying to replace the love that I fake with what we both need.

The truth runs wild like kids on concrete trying to sedate my mind in its cage and numb what I see.

Awake wide eyed yeah I'm screaming at me trying to keep faith and picture his face starring up at me.

Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?"

It was a song I have written a long time ago before coming out to my parents this song Inspired me to come out and it all back fired. I named it heaven because truly at the time I just wanted to get into heaven. Right now with all of this going on I'm not so sure anymore.

Getting out of the steaming shower and getting dressed in some Nike sweats with the sweatshirt connor had on the night before I was ready to eat breakfast. The tea would surly help and make my throat ache less and make me warm and toasty.

"You sounded great up there that song was very good" I heard as i walked down the stairs. Blushing that he heard me I thanked him. We ate the pancakes he made and downed the raspberry tea he made for me.
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At 3:10 I heard the first knock on my door, con went to open it and I heard tylers loud voice calling out for me. "Troye, troye oh my god we were all so worried I drove all through town I thought you got home safe" okay maybe I wasn't as prepared for being bombarded these comments. Not answering I just let him hug me and nuzzled my head into his neck his hug felt familiar and i needed it. Throughout the next couple of minuets more people started flooding in and I got hugs and "thank god you're okay" comments though was i really okay?

We all laid down on the couch and floor I took out all my blankets and pillows for everyone to be at least comfortable.  I was laying on connor josh and tyler were cuddling on the couch next to us, Tyler and joey were on the floor and Zoe and Alfie were on the love couch. It was fun and we watched lots of movies, there was this really cute documentary on cats that I absolutely loved. It was now almost 7 pm and everyone was starting to doze off when a phone ring was heard. It was Connors he excused himself and a couple minuets later came back "hey tro it's for you" I got up not knowing what to expect but took the phone in my hands and went to my room.

"Hello" I said a little annoyed that no one was actually talking and I felt like it was a prank.

"Troye..." there it was the voice I longed and hated to hear. It was my mother, why was she calling and why did she have Connors number what the fuck was going on right now.

"Troye, baby, tokkie, Hello how are you, oh lord I heard what happened I talked to connor earlier and he explained I'm so truly sorry it wasn't at all my desion your father threatened me and the kids because he didn't accept you and I know that doesn't excuse what we did just know that I regret it everyday and that the kids and I would do anything in the world to have you back home or to see you even if just for a day." Her voice was something I hadn't heard in so long, something I missed so much.

I didn't know how to respond,  what do I say I don't know. I just cried and i let my sobs be heard so they could hear the pain they caused me everything they did throughout those years I lived on the streets of Perth as they saw me asking for money, food, help they walked right by me. "M - mom I - I don't know what to say I need time to think about all of this I'm so glad you guys called during this time when I need it the most but please keep in touch okay, give Steele, sage, and tyde my number I wanna talk to them as well" my voice came out shaky, broken and scratchy. After she told me she loved me and they all loved me and that they all missed me I hung up. Thay lightened my mood just a tad bit.

Now I had to talk to connor so he could explain himself for how he got my mums number and why he did it.

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I'm straight slaying with these chapters not really this was rushed because I'm going to a church retreat all weekend and I won't be able to write at all so I wanted to give yall something. Sorry this ducked I've had the worst day actually like fuck I hated today so bad.

It would make this kitten mowe and purr if you commented, voted and followed.

I'm legit starting to feel like Phil during the Christmas special thingys when he kept coming up with all these weird name for us viewers. I'm Dan and Phil trash oops.

Alright bye kiddos I love you lots.💙