T H I R T E E N

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"If there's a light at the end it just the sun in your eyes I know you wanna go to heaven but you're human tonight"

Halsey- young god. ( this song is legit sex rfs)

Also there's a pic of me looking like a potato with my fren Andy in the back.

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As the day pogressed, sweat pored out of every pore in my body and I was tired. Of Many things, so so tired. It had been hours of non stop walking and going into different stores asking if they were hiring. Most of them would just say " we'll get back to you" because I had no experience in working and they didn't want someone who didn't know anything.

It's gonna get better that was what was keeping me going. Life is shit for a while and then it'll get better out of no where you just have to be positive. And I will keep doing that till it all fixes out. You get two things in life, the first is life the second is your family. I barely have life and don't have a family so I have to work for it myself.

Walking into a cute dimly lit café. There weren't many people in it and that just gave it more of a homey vibe. I felt relaxed to the smell of coffee and the soft sound of the music being played. I was truly hoping they would take me, it would be the perfect job close to my house and it wasn't very noticed so I won't have to be around a whole lot of people. Walking to the counter, a tall girl, with very thick eyebrows and long red hair was there her smile was so wide I almost thought her face would break in two.

"How may I help you two?" She asked a thick new York accent slipping past her red painted lips. " I was wondering if you guys were hiring people" I asked very timidly still feeling weary. She excused herself to talk to her manager, I was nervous and Connor was to busy trying to figure out what song was playing, he was no help right now.

The girl came back, another girl walking beside her this one was much shorter with black pixie cut hair and black painted lips. "I heard you were looking for a job" she stated he voice nice and sweet compared to her intimidating demeanor. "Yeah I was, I don't have very much experience but if would be nice to work here" I said feeling a bit more confident. They both were oddly comforting in gear own ways the tall girl with her big smile, and the short one her sweet alluring voice had me feeling welcomed.

They both took long looks at me, starring me up and down. I didn't know what to say or think about it. Then suddenly they looked at each other speaking silently with their eyes. "Congratulations you're hired" they both said at the same time. My smile widened and I thanked them repeatedly this was what I was talking about. It'll get better. Connor and I hugged then we left the sma cafe coming to terms that ilk come back tomorrow to get my hours and what I need to know. I was beyond happy, I was feeling better and I had a job things are looking okay.

We then walked a couple blocks to the promise land, chipotle to eat some well deserved food.
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The sky was dark and it was getting a bit colder but we were right outside my complex. "Do you want me to stay?" Asked connor, I took a long look at him. The streetlights highlighting his face making his eyes look so bright and so --angelic--. " you should go home I can handle a night alone I've taken you away for a while, come over tomorrow though if you can" I said after a while. I felt a bit bad that he'd been spending so much time on me. We both needed our space.

After saying our long goodbyes I promised to call him if anything and he'd be here asap. I was sure nothing bad would happen, I can do without him for a night. The smell of his cologne on my bed sheets and pillows was enough for me to basically believe he was there with me. That would help me out a lot. I wasn't going to have him with me forever and I needed to realize that.

I sat down on my couch, broods playing softly on my record player as I sat down to write some. I'd realized a while ago if I wrote down everything I was feeling, I felt happier I don't understand why or his but I just did, I felt like a weight was being lifted off me, writing down everytime that happened in my day. The bad the good and even what I had for lunch. Some lyrics would pop into my head often I would make a song. They would never be shown to anyone but just having them there knowing I created something of that sort, made me happy.

I trudged to my room an hour later after writing my little heart out. I changed our of my clothes and into an oversized Cobain shirt to sleep. My fairy lights were on to not make everything completely dark and I had a stuffed animal to keep me some company.

Now all I needed was for the night to go well without any nightmares. This day went surprisingly alright and I was happy for that and if to night went well then today would be one of the best days I've had in a while.
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This was a filler and it was so bad. Nothing happened in it but I won't have Wi-Fi or my phone for a couple days so I wanted to put atleast something out.

I just wanna say I'm going to finish this way ahead as I had planned bc I'm not feeling tronnor trash anymore I don't read J and writing it makes me all nostalgic and sad.

I'm disgusted by the shooting and no one ever deserves that I'm praying for the whole world we all need some relive and I'm so fucking sorry for those who lost someone to that.

Rest in peace all you souls and also Christina grimmie that sucked so much I'm so upset.

Goodnight or morning or afternoon pal's until next time love y'all.


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