Poetry of the Anonymous

X - Lost Time

'Time: Lost'

I.

Where did the hours go?

Time, I guess, isn't like everything else.

Not like anything we think we know.

We need to believe we can know.

Otherwise the truth will torment our souls, our soul,

That we cannot know truth,

Nor that it actually exists.

I tried to be happy;

To wake and not mourn for waking.

To not feel grief for the tears of night that're lost now.

Sitting up smoking.

Lonely; listening to jazz.

Wishing to be of:

Another age,

Another life,

Another universe,

And another existence –

Specifically, a lack of.

II.

I am forever haunted by:

My past.

My future -

The past, I wish to live in, again.

To the future, and my fear of it, unfulfilled:

It and I being ever unfulfilled within reality.

III.

The sun will come up in a few hours.

I should be asleep by now.

But I haven't found it yet.

I can't seem to undermine my yearning -

For something more,

Yet somehow also,

For nothing.

Nothing feels the same anymore.

Actions aren't a part of an image anymore,

They're a part of me,

I thought I was my image,

And my image was me,

But the separation has become of death –

This makes me alone.

You don't understand,

That's why I'm alone.

I'm not who I want to be,

Nor who you want me to be,

I'm not who I want to see,

So I wish not to see.

But one thing I know,

That I am what they didn't mean to make.

We are all the monstrous spawn of an evil doctor, of each other – (but to what end?)

Wretches slithering through the dirt of gutters,

Dreaming of a place beyond the gap,

Where the person who put us here lays in solemn gratitude,

Of ignorance of us,

But not I:

That's why I'm alone.

IV.

I've signed off now,

This is me beyond the medium of expression,

It feels uncomfortable,

Being where I shouldn't,

Yet,

This is where I just was.

Nonsense to most, to all,

Nonsense then?

V.

I spoke of speaking to myself,

To myself, again,

That should have been the end.

Should that have been the end?

Wandering now,

If more emphasis is needed,

If I should accentuate my meaning,

Somehow,

I wish it weren't needed,

But also, I don't.

Self-appraisal.

Self-awareness growing?

Self-approval.

Couldn't get it anywhere else,

Right?

I spoke of speaking to myself,

To myself, who is a part of you – of all? Of all.

Again:

To myself,

Of myself,

To you,

Of you,

Who is – myself?