Love at First Smile

Reminiscent

I've been so antsy waiting for the day when I can finally have my "freedom". I don't know how to restrain this feeling and yet the time is so near that I shouldn't be worried about anything. Few more days away until "the" day and mixed feelings have been bothering me today; sadness, happiness, excitement, hopes. 

As my daily routine, I took bank balances and went down to the basement straight to the comfort room. During my last two weeks, I got used not wearing my nameplate and just bring it upstairs, wear it when going down.  

I was on my way to the basement when I took the nameplate from my secret pocket and pinned it on my uniform. When I reach the stairs leading to the basement, I saw the security hide that escalating smile in his face. "Now, what? Just because I wear it when going down doesn't mean that... Oh no, I've fallen for his charms. Now what Tracy? That fast? Come on!" I said to myself as I wound my way to the comfort room. 

When I went back, I took a second look at him. He just smiled but I knew something else is in his mind. "So what? He has a great smile. And I like him. Wait. I do?" I just laugh at myself with what I have been thinking. 

From then on, I'm looking forward to that moment I'd see him again just right before the stairs leading to the basement. He would always smile when I pass at him and I just can help myself from smiling back at him. I'd happily give away that smile hiding behind my lips. 

Then one day, I didn't saw him on his usual post. Has he been transferred? Did he already resign? Where is he? Right then, I went down to the basement and as I passed by one section at the building, I saw him talking to a girl. "How flirt! How can he do such a thing? He does it to all the girls here, doesn't he?" I was flabbergasted. I was in distress. Seriously? Why her? I went down to the basement without looking back at both of them. I was so frustrated. 

A week after, I realize how dumb I am for having that feelings towards him. What was I thinking? It's so embarrassing. I'm not his girlfriend to be jealous just like that. He doesn't even know me. I don't know his name either. I am so ashamed of how I felt for him. I'm so going beyond how I should be acting. I should restrain myself, right now. 

After that day, I saw him again in his usual post and we would exchange smiles, just like all the other girls here in the building, I thought. And I'm being such a jealous brat again which I shouldn't be. I can't be. Why am I behaving like this? 

During my last week, I challenged myself to have more guts. I told Rachel that I'll ask him his name or just make a small conversation with him. I told her I'd do it on my last day. That was then my biggest regret. 

He never showed up. Is it his day off? Was he transferred post again? If it's so, where? Where is he? I should have talked to him yesterday. But I never did. Now I never had the chance. I won't have a chance. 

I had my last goodbye's with everyone. I had my last everything in that building. Then, as we were about to get home, I asked Jenny if he knew the name of that certain security watching over the post just right before the stairs leading to the basement. "Oh, Toby? I'd get his number for you. I'll just hand it over to you on Tuesday." Is this real? Am I really doing this? "Really? Thank you. I'd really appreciate that." 

I just went home not knowing what to expect or what to do. Would we really have the chance to be close? Or is it just like what I had with Harry? Whom I have had a very short conversation and that was it, we never talked to each other again. I hope we'll have a happy ever after. I really hope so.