Barely Surviving // TWD // Daryl Dixon #Wattys2016

Chapter XXVIII -- Scars

"I just want to be someone, to mean something to anyone."

– Charlotte Eriksson

Daryl's POV

I just spent one of the worst nights of my life. I couldn't even sleep because I knew it wasn't safe here, there were walkers everywhere and also because I missed the group, I never thought I would say that but I miss them, all of them.

Rick, Carl, Beth, Glenn, Hershel, Maggie, Carol, Little Ass-Kicker, Teresa, Oliver, even Axel and Sean. I missed them all but now I had another person to miss, Cecilia.

I only could spend less than a day with her but it was enough to hurt. Once Merle was gone she was the person I cared about the most, and I didn't even know why. Saving her made our bond be really strong and before I knew it, we were something like friends and once I realized that, instead of pushing her away like I would have normally done, I let it happen and it wasn't until she was gone that I realized why I did that. I was sick of feeling and being alone and she made me feel like I mattered to the group, like I was special in some way, like for once, someone actually needed me.

And it felt good. I had never had someone in that way and I enjoyed it. The little time we spent together, I cherished it.

"Still sad about that little girlfriend of yours?" Merle said in a mocking way, he had been doing that all morning.

"Shut the hell up!" I exclaimed and gave him the finger, he just laughed at me. Fucking asshole.

Before the turn, I had some mates but it was only to drink, to party, to have a good time in a bad way and with girls, I never had a female friend, I didn't even have a girlfriend. I only had girls to have sex with them, sometimes only once or seldom a few times with the same one but it never became something serious. They were probably even more empty and damaged than me, but Cecilia was different. She made me realize that I wasn't a bad man, I just needed to act like one, because of Merle, because of my fucked up life, but I didn't need to be like that anymore, the group accepted me and preferred how I actually was, not who I pretended to be.

And when I saw her for the first time in months I wanted to push her away because I knew sooner or later I would lose her again, it will hurt less but I couldn't keep away from her. I held her tightly the whole way to that damn town and I'm glad I did it because that was my only chance to do that and I was really glad that even after all the months we were separated our relationship hadn't changed, we weren't awkward or uncomfortable around each other, but like if it mattered now. I left them, I left her, I left all those good things behind, including food and shelter for my brother and I couldn't help but try to convince myself I made the right choice. He was the only family I had left after all.

Speaking of him, he was taking a piss at the moment, trying to pretend this all situation was cool and alright. I was just leaning against a tree, looking away from him.

"There ain't nothing out here but mosquitoes and ants," I said out loud just seconds after my stomach rumbled loudly.

"Patience, little brother. Sooner or later, a squirrel is bound to scurry across your path."

"Even so, that ain't much food."

"More than nothing," he said to me.

"I'd have better luck going through one of them houses we passed back on the turn-off."

"Is that what your new friends taught you? Hmm? How to loot for booty?" Merle asked me as he finally finished and walked to me, still zipping up his pants.