My Dirty Little Secrets ( urban )

The Resentment

Chapter 7

My Dairy

Lawd I can't keep doing this, playing with Carly's heart and in the process fucking up my mind. I'm still confused..... I want to be with Carlysia or is it I'm looking for comfort or am I looking for something familiar and safe? I got to get things together! I feel myself slipping back into my old ways. But why, I have grown so much? I have to come to the reality that I'm not the same teenager doing and saying what I want without a consequence. My mama and Carly spoiled me I'm used to getting what I want and getting mad when I don't. I cant be a hot head about this I have to stop being arrogant with it but a women with life.......

Carlysia: Yeah I had a great time with you

Sunny: Yeah are you sure

Carlysia: Yeah, why do you ask?

Sunny: You just seemed to be in another place from time to time

Carlysia: Well I did have something on my mind but it's nothing?

Sunny: Is it Tae?

Carlysia: Lashontae has nothing to do with it

Sunny: Look I know your past with her and its ok it was just one date with you and me... Its alright if you still have feelings for her

Carlysia: I don't want to talk about it

Sunny: Well look I just want to say I think you deserve better

Carlysia: So what do you think about our little date

Sunny: I had an amazing time

Carlysia: That's good

Sunny: I was thinking about a movie next week...Friday?

Carlysia: Yeah sure just meet me at my house

Sunny: ok

Carlysia: And Sunny just know I will keep it real with you

Sunny: (laughs) Ok

Carlysia gets a phone call from Zan

Zan: Hey hun

Carlysia: Hey girl

Zan: Somebody is happy

Carlysia: Yeah

Zan: Well I don't mean to bring you down but what happened when Lashontae came to talk to you

Carlysia: The same shit that happened in high school, a argument and fucked up emotions

Zan: Aww but how do you feel

Carlysia: Like she doesn't listen, its like she is immune to how I feel. Im tired of crying and feeling like shit. I will always love her and feel something for her. But I feel like she knows that and takes advantage of it. I want to love her like I did in high school but when she is finally ready to listen and talk I will be open.

Zan: Both of yall have to be adults and stop acting like arrogant teenagers, high school is OVER.

Carlysia: I know but I just cant take it anymore! Sure I have dated other people and had other relationships after her but........ I never made love with them? I never felt the way I felt with Tae with them. I mean its like I only want her. When we started messing around I felt like I needed her but I was trying to play it cool so she would feel like she needs me?

Zan: See yall keep playing games with each other.....

Carlysia: Im just tired of going back and forth and putting in all the work

Zan: So stop

Carlysia: I cant!!!

Zan: Well damn, what did she do to you? Shit I mean you said you cant make love to nobody else but her. You cant feel that magic with no one but her? She must have gave you that dope dick! Oh im sorry I mean strap, tongue, or whatever the hell yall do.