A World of Shadows

Chapter 10: Revelations

Chapter song: New Way to Bleed by Evanescence

I endure what feels like endless reams of useless information with gritted teeth until the blessing of lunch came around. I selected a piece of food at random from the cafeteria and found a secluded spot away from the aggravatingly cheerful and care-free chat that babbled through the over-sized room.


I sat dejectedly shredding my food and staring out the window. What had possessed me when I thought I could interact with humans? I wasn't programmed to be their friend. I was their predator. My instincts told me to suck their veins dry not to be their friend. I felt a deep yearning to return to the simple life in the reservation. Would Jake take me back?

Just at that moment a deep voice cracked through my deep, dark musings and I looked up to see the guy from biology gazing down at me his lips stretched with amusement.


"You enjoying your first lunch here at Eagle River High School?" He said his voice inflected with sarcasm making his slightly feminine looking lips curve further upwards.


"Yeah, I've never had more fun." I replied matching his sarcastic tone and returning my attention to the now half-shredded sandwich in front of me; I noted with amusement that it was a vegetarian special - oh the irony. Then without invitation he plonked himself in the seat next to me and pulled out a ruby red apple which he proceeded to roll along the table top under his right hand before speaking in a far more hushed manner.


"What brings you to Anchorage, vampire girl?" At the word 'vampire' my head whipped up in shock. That was the first time someone had called me that and it came as much more of a shock than it really should I have. I was thrown completely out of kilter and I hissed so low that no human had a chance of hearing even if they were hanging over us.


"Not here!"


"Alright, meet me after school." He stated, once again, too loudly for my liking. I gave one short, sharp nod not meeting his gaze which made a rumble of amusement pass his lips. "Don't worry, I wont blow your cover," he said dropping into a dramatic whisper before laughing again and settling himself lower in his seat to prop his feet on the opposite chair. He spent the rest of lunch slouched like this inspecting the apple as he span it across the table catching it at the last moment. I was amazed by how care-free he appeared. His whole demeanour just felt so undeniably content somehow filled with security as though he had everything he could ever want...nothing like the cold, unfeeling monster who sat in the seat next to him.



***



I spent the rest of the day determinedly focussing on lessons desperate to prove that I had made the right decision in coming here so I could avoid the crushing prospect of begging the wolves, my natural enemy, to take me back. I discovered that by taking notes I could pass my time experimenting with different handwriting. Then abruptly a foggy memory reared its head of a certain other dark-haired vampire sat next to me taking notes in beautiful calligraphy, writing messages to me. A pained smile stretched my lips as I recalled the untidy scrawl that I had replied with which was massively contrasted with the elegant scripts that now filled my page. I closed my eyes allowing myself just this once to enjoy the memory even as it blasted a ragged hole through my chest. For so long I had walked the line of forbidden to remember but terrified to forget and I was sick of it. The memories crashed over me like a tide washing away all thoughts of Calculus leaving acute pain in its place but I could take it. The pain wasn't any less it was more as though I had grown stronger. I spent a few minutes enjoying my revelation and living in hazy memories which I didn't even know I still had: the most perfectly unusual love story which had changed me forever...but not all in a bad way.


As I relived the section of my life that I had never wanted end a creeping, unwelcome realisation stole over me. When I first saw him walking into the cafeteria every girl looked at him with same infatuated look that I'd had.


The only reason I'd moved past that stage was because he chose me. Any other girl could have had the same love story with him if he had picked them and the reason he had selected me was because he couldn't read my mind. That ability was the only thing that had separated me from every other female human there. We were all drawn to him by his hard exterior and stunning good looks that nature had given him to attract prey.

Everything I thought I knew began unravelling at this realisation. I wasn't special. Our love story hadn't been 'perfectly unusual' it had been plain wrong. I didn't love him. I was obsessed by him just as Mother Nature had intended me to be. At that moment I recalled something Jake had said to me "He's got his hooks in you so deep". He had seen what I had not. He had understood that it was the pure workings of nature that drew me to him just like a fly is drawn to the sweet nectar in a Venus fly trap and its gloriously happy right up until the point where the trap snaps shut and kills it. The only difference with me was the trap hadn't snapped shut and I remained to enjoy the sweet nectar that had a single purpose of leading me to my death. I was like a fly who somehow enjoyed the nectar without triggering the trap. I revealed a weakness that the predator could not stand. The prey wasn't allowed to outsmart the predator. I avoided one of his weapons so the trap remained open and I was allowed to indulge on the sweet nectar that was so perfectly alluring whilst the predator investigated into what allowed me to beat his perfect killing system.


My mind spun now as I recalled how the receptionist had fawned over me. If I had lead him on who knows what could have happened. Nature had given me, as well as every other godforsaken vampire, the power to attract anyone they wished with my very presence. I was a Venus fly trap just the same as he had been and I could snap shut on any of the prey I choose or I could toy with them, lead them on like he had done to me. This thought horrified me and my mind was spinning out of control as my little love story crumbled. Everything had a new perspective now. How I felt when I saw him; hypnotised...meant I was distracted easy to kill. How he had got to know me; intrigue...I exposed a weakness he needed to quash. How I had felt when he was gone; withdrawal...he was designed to obsess humans. My mind was swirling with memories and new explanations until finally I arrived at one reliable point in my insipid romance; Jake. He had tried to extract me from those hooks but I clung into them as I was weak enough to crave the feeling of being interesting to such an 'incredible' creature when in fact I was just sucked in by his beauty as I was meant to be like a fish in the deep sea drawn to the light of an angler fish. My insides were in turmoil as the bell rang outside signalling the end of the day and the meeting with one of these perfect predators whose ranks I had now joined.


I left the classroom hurriedly before realising I had no idea where we were meeting. My mind was in complete disarray and I stood on the spot indecisively until I was saved having to form a coherent decision by the appearance of his already familiar languid form at the end of the corridor. I approached him trying to master his air of confidence or at least to collect my thoughts a little as I went desperate not to have to reveal my feeble excuse for a love life to him. As he opened his mouth to speak, I finally succeeded in pushing my disturbing discovery to the back of my mind and forced a polite smile to my lips.


"Where are we going then?" He said smiling lazily at me.


"I don't know...somewhere out of the reach of prying ears." I replied feeling more relaxed at once. His eyes lit with a spark of mischief.


"How about we go to your place?" I narrowed his eyes at him and said with a flicker of amusement.


"Okay but only to talk...nothing else." A wide grin split his features and I felt my lips curl upwards in return.


"If you insist."


"Oh, don't you worry, I do." I replied with amusement. "My name's Ciara by the way."


"Hmm...I wouldn't have put you down as a Ciara myself." He commented not offering his name in return.


"I don't know if you were ever taught manners, I would suggest not, but generally when someone tells you their name you tell them yours," I remarked sarcastically raising my eyebrows at him in mock sincerity.


"I do apologise. The name's Jamie." He said sweeping into a bow. A bubble of laughter escaped my lips and I was amazed at how good it felt.


"I hope you can handle the walk home then, Jamie."


"Walk," he said shaking his head in disgust, "I think you'll find I've got a much better alternative to that."




***




"You have a Harley Davidson, really?" I said trying to hide my fascination with the jet black vehicle before me.


"Yeah I thought if I was going to go with the dark bad boy look I might as well go the whole hog," he replied swinging his leg over the inky black leather seat and turning to offer his hand to me. "As much as I am loving out matching outfits I think I win on account of this beast right here." He was smiling up at me his eyes twinkling with amusement as he took in my indecision. I raised my eyebrows at him.


"You want to bet?" I said, dispelling my concerns, and taking two strides towards him to slide in behind him. As I wound my arms round his waist I continued "Personally I think I'm rocking this outfit enough to over shadow both your pathetic attempt to copy it and this pathetic excuse for a motorbike." He pulled his head away so he could look at me.


"You're going to regret that challenge." He said simply before roaring the engine to life and rocketing away from the school so fast that it was almost like I was running. "Where do you live?" He said at a normal volume because there was no need to yell over the engine for us.


"212 Taylor Street...shouldn't you slow down, what if the cops see us?" I said but his only reply was to speed up even further and in no time at all we jerked to a stop outside my...home. I slid off the seat gracefully and retrieved the keys from my messenger bag which I had strapped across my body so I wouldn't lose it. "One day they will catch you and I will laugh." I commented as I unlocked the door.


"They wont that's one thing I am completely sure of so don't hold your breath but then again you don't need to breath so you can if you want." He said glancing sideway at me as he glided into my home without invitation. For any human what I was doing would have been the height of stupidity and the humanity I had left was warning me to get rid of him but I ignored it. I wasn't weak and useless anymore. I was a newborn vampire and he was...well I didn't know but I could take him of that I was sure.


"Did it ever occur to you that you're slightly too sure of yourself?" I continued my voice dripping with sarcasm as I followed in his footsteps, "because being a vampire doesn't actually exclude you from the law unfortunately." He cast me a slightly withering look over his shoulder at my tone but subsequently ruined its effect when he next spoke as his voice was full of amusement.


"Surprisingly I had realised that but don't you worry the humans will never catch me." He said and I felt his voice was layered with more meaning than just the superficial words.


"What makes you so sure?"


"It's a gift."


"You mean like a vampire gift?"


"Yeah...looks like we've got a genius here." He replied coming to a halt by the door to the tiny living and cooking space.


"Shut it," I snapped but not being able to resist a smile. "What can you do with your gift?"


"I can influence minds." He replied with an almost sinister glitter in his crimson eyes. His answer made my stomach drop out and the disarray I had pinned to the back of my mind exploded to the forefront but I remained calm and cool in the surface.


"Sounds useful...does it work on everyone?" I tried to keep my voice light but the wariness still blared through every word.


"You ask a lot of questions don't you." He replied looking suspicious at my change in tone. "Why are you so interested?"


"I just have been alone for too long." I replied concealing a splurge of pleasure at my honest tone. He seemed slightly mollified by my half-truthful answer but he remained guarded.


"Nice place you've got here." He said glancing through the door behind him.


"Thanks." I replied distractedly wondering what his response meant. Was he controlling me? I felt as though I was free but something still bothered me. "Is that how people don't react to your eyes?"


"Every person at that school sees light blue eyes." He replied stiffly. "I can make minor influences to big groups of people but the bigger the thing I need to change the less people I can do it on at any one time."


"So does tha-"


"What about you?" He interrupted slipping into the dilapidated sofa that had come with the flat. "You got any mystical powers?" I considered this question my mind recalling how I had thrown them backwards.


"I think so but I'm not sure exactly what it is..." I said thoughtfully. At this he turned and caught my eyes.


"How long have you been a vampire?" He shot the question at me and made me stop and think. How long had it been?


"Less than a month..." I said slowly.


"A month." He said shortly, "you've only been a vampire for a month?"


"Almost." I breathed feeling slightly nervous as his scarlet eyes bore into mine. It took every scrap of will power I possessed to resist the urge to look away from his eyes which held the deaths of so many people but I kept my gaze steady. "Is that a problem?"


"How are you coping then? How are you surrounded by so many humans without sucking them all dry? No newborn can do that!" He brought his face even closer to mine. "You'll regret it if you're lying to me, Ciara. A newborn couldn't possibly have this much self-control! You weren't even struggling with yourself! I still have problems resisting in public."


"It's obviously not too much of an issue for you." I shot back, "those red eyes don't exactly scream self-control, do they? How can you kill all those people? How can you live with yourself?"


"I don't kill I'm not that self-indulgent." He said pulling away from me, "do you really think I am weak enough to kill with every bite."


"You turn them?" I said raising my voice in horrified disbelief, "You're creating yourself a little army, are you? You condemn them to this?"


"No!" The anger that filled his voice halted my raging torrent, "I've never turned anyone."


"Well then you have killed, haven't you? That is unless those eyes are just a fashion accessory?"


"You don't have to kill or turn someone?" He said frowning at mes though I was being an idiot


"Yes you do! There's no way out of that fact! Or do you just somehow convince yourself that it's all okay to mend your conscience?" The anger was burning through my body and was only heightened by the look of confusion on his face.


"Do you not know?" He said sounding genuinely disbelieving.


"Know what? That killing one person won't change the world? Or that being a vampire isn't all that bad really?" His eyes widened in incredulity at this.


"Is this some sort of way to convince me you really are a newborn? Pretending you don't know the ins and outs of being a vampire?" His voice hardened towards the end with anger. Darkness seemed to be descending over his features. "I won't fall for it...you can't trick me!"


"Why would I bother doing something like that?" I asked feeling my animalistic instincts heightening at the dangerous presence before me.


"Don't pretend to be clueless. I know what you're doing!" He said his voice a low growl as he crossed the room to glare at me our noses just an inch apart.


A crash behind us threw our instincts into overdrive and we both dropped into a defensive crouch side by side snarling at the intruder as they darted into the room. I froze. What was he doing here?


"Bella get away from him!" Edward ordered. The sound of his voice invoked a vicious ball of anger in my chest and I took a step forward snarling still in my defensive stance which was mirrored by Jamie who also matched my forward movement.


"Get out of here!" I spat at him. A low growl emanated from the predator to my left and Edward slunk towards him in a low crouch.


"You better-" He began but was cut off by an exquisite blonde who came up behind him and jerked him upright.


"What are you doing?" She hissed. "Get out of here." He stared her down for a few seconds before looking away into my eyes and into the hostility that filled them. I growled menacingly at him and he shut his eyes briefly almost in prayer before darting out. After a fleeting glance of the room the blonde followed suit and I almost went after her but a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I looked up at Jamie who was staring after them too. After a moment I drew up to my full height and noticed the rage twisting Jamie's lips.


"How do you know them, Bella?" He emphasised the last word icily. I didn't respond staring vacantly after him.

He had found someone else already? Even if I had just been an infatuation how had he moved on so quickly? Whilst I was still stuck trying to understand what it was we'd had. Despite the revelation I had made earlier today the pain still blasted an agonising hole through my chest. Right now I didn't care if what we'd had was real. I didn't care that our love story was one purely of chance. That sort of reasoning doesn't work on pain like this. It had felt real to me and now the pain of losing that was emphasised by the sting of rejection. I desperately didn't want to fall apart in front of Jamie yet I could feel my seams rapidly coming undone. I yanked myself from his grip and flew out the door. The sky had darkened a little but not enough to cloak me at running speed. Then my eyes fell upon the motor bike.


It roared into life gleefully beneath my hands and I sped away just as Jamie rocketed onto the pavement.


"What are you doing?" He yelled after me but I only sped up not even looking back.


Driving was exceptionally easy and left my mind free to wallow in the icy grips of agony. I felt pathetic for being affected this way by him and wanted nothing more than for him to have never existed. All he brought me now was pain. Pain that made me feel weak.


I reached the edge of the city and abandoned the bike. I ran and ran as fast as I possibly could; trying to outrun the pain. I had lost everything and it hurt...it hurt like hell. I'd lost my family, my friends, my life and the person responsible for it had just moved on as though it was of no consequence. I had nothing and he had replaced me already so he could continue his happy existence without a second thought.

I was all alone.

This thought brought me to a juddering halt and I noticed vaguely that I was half way up the mountain balanced on a craggy rock that jutted out into the starry night sky. I stayed here, still as the rock, for an immeasurable amount of time till I heard the approach of a vampire behind me accompanied by a waft of spicy air.


"What are you doing up here? Why did you run out on me like that?" He asked trying to mask his insecurity with anger. I didn't reply for a long time till finally the words I needed bubbled to the surface.


"Edward and I have a long history...he's the reason I lost everything. He's the reason I've ended up here all alone." My voice was a whisper as quite as the night but I knew he heard me. "I don't know who the blonde was."


Our argument now seemed childish and pointless. He'd seen my reaction and he knew I wasn't a fake. Nobody could act that well.


"Why do you put yourself through this? You can make it stop. Life's much more fun if you make it stop." He said taking a step towards me. "All those messy human emotions...you don't need them. Block it out. Push away your humanity and life will become so much simpler. The pain isn't worth it...trust me." A few moments passed.


"How?" I breathed still not moving. I flinched as his finger tips brushed my temples and I felt his mind meld gently into mine causing my eyes to flutter shut. He guided me as I pulled every messy emotion into one big ball of pain and then with a mental sweep he brushed it all away. His mind drew away abruptly and a sense of reckless empowerment bloomed in my chest as my eyes flickered open - the remains of the contacts disintegrating - leaving my burnt orange eyes to look into his crimson ones as a smirk twisted my lips.




Extra long chapter!!