A World of Shadows

Chapter 27: Angel

Chapter Song: Familiar Taste of Poison by Halestorm

We stood separated by great lengths of grass for several minutes just looking at each other. The initial tranquility passed after a few moments to be replaced by a buzz of activity. All that Jamie had said was blending with murky human memories of Edward interspersed with the occasional crystal clear one to create a dizzying mix of emotions ranging from burning hatred to a glowing feeling of compassion towards the decrepit angel. Then questions of how he had found me joined the jumble till I was thoroughly confused.

Just as my mind began to brim he took a step forwards and every thought froze in a moment of sheer panic. It was as though the entire world had stopped. All I could see was his eyes - dark as pitch - gazing straight at me, everything else faded away. Then he took one more step and sense kicked back in.

I couldn't trust him. I mustn't trust him.

I took a single step back, hyper-aware of the faint crunch of grass as I did so, and the world came flooding back. I could here the distant hum of human life and could smell pine tainted with pollution plus just a hint of hyacinth, under the blanket of foliage to my right animals rustled along and bickered with each other. Every breath I sucked in felt magnified somehow and suddenly I felt that I was just close enough to Edward to see that he was a whole world away from me. He had a different life now with different people; any relations with me had been a brief interlude to his existence - an aside to everything else. I was an infinitesimal blip on his radar of existence...or was I? Was it possible that the figure stood such a little distance from me was playing a game which had resulted in me losing everything? Was it possible I had believed in a lie for so long without so much as a shadow of a doubt? I didn't want to think I was that easily deceived. I didn't want to think of myself as just another girl who's swept up in ridiculous notions of love...that isn't who I wanted to be.

With that thought I retreated a step further and averted my eyes so that they peered into the forest. My mind suddenly flashed back to a few days ago when I had been laden down with one of my five biggest mistakes as I walked across this very ground and in that moment I felt suddenly and horribly aware of the tinge of human blood my irises still carried. I could not claim to have self-standards left - not anymore. I was a murderer and so was Edward, if what Jamie said was true, and if the blonde was lying Edward could only be better than I was. I returned my focus to Edward who was examining me wearily as though I was some flighty animal who he mustn't startle and then I walked towards him with slow, careful steps. I rolled my feet as they touched the ground and measured my breathing carefully not taking my eyes of Edward as I drew nearer. I was sure he must see the self-disgust consuming me and I had no doubt he knew of my mistakes; he knew everything about me whilst remaining a stranger in many ways - quite a feat really.

"You know what Jamie told me?" I said evenly, still a few meters from the spot where he stood still as a statue just watching me with those weary eyes. At first he made no reaction to my words then he blinked hard once before replying.

"His name's Jeremiah..." He croaked. We were now within touching distance but I kept a careful several inches between our skin as I resisted the mad urge to laugh at this new bit of knowledge. As it was a slight snort escaped me that quickly turned into a half-sob. To hide my miniature break down I turned my head towards the distant sea of lights below which sparkled like tiny orange jewels dropped on a dark cloth. "I turned him." These words just made me close my eyes. I wished I could sink into the darkness of my eyelids and just leave whatever messed up existence I was in.

"It's true?" I breathed flickering my eyes open to see his agonised frame twisted by a regret that had festered over decade upon decade.

"Yes." He sighed his eyes meandering from mine for a moment, "I didn't really mean to...his parents were drug dealers. They were dangerous, Bella, please know that... I watched them do terrible, terrible things and I was crazed by blood lust at this point; convinced what I was doing was right. I wanted them to suffer as I had, I told myself they deserved it...my plan was to turn them and then kill them. I never meant the boy to get hurt but I was completely out of control, then before I was finished Carlisle came looking for me and I ran because I didn't want to ruin my 'rebellion' against him." Disgust filled his voice, twisting each word but despite his display of emotion I wasn't sure whether to believe him. Jamie, or should I say 'Jeremiah', had told me not to trust him and now I had two contrasting stories; neither of which I was sure I could believe.

"That's not what Ja-Jeremiah said?" I replied slowly, weighing each word against his minutiae reactions to see if I could glean any clues.

"What did he say?" Edward demanded his arm snaking out to grab my wrist but I slipped away before he could get a grip.

"He told me you did it for fun." I said lightly measuring his expression for some reaction to Jamie's version of events.

"I wouldn't- why would I- you can't let him trick you, Bella." Edward pleaded keeping his distance, wisely, but still imploring me with his eyes.

"That's funny because he said the same about you and both of you have given me reason to be untrusting so why would I believe you, Edward? 'Jeremiah' has told me a fair share of lies but he didn't destroy me the way you did. You turned me into a pathetic cry baby...you betrayed me in the worst way possible!" The words were tumbling from me now. I felt as though my mind was fraying again. "I know you've lied to me at some point...I don't know which one is the lie but it's definitely there so how do I know this isn't part of it?"

"I was lying when I said I didn't love you, Bella!" He cried. "How could I not love you? Why would I be here if I didn't love you?" His hands were gesticulating madly and his hair had tumbled into his eyes so that I had the irrational urge to brush it aside but I couldn't focus on that right now. In an attempt to keep my emotions in check and my hands under control I turned my back on him. "Don't leave." He said quickly sounding heartbreakingly fearful.

"I'm not." I replied curtly fighting to keep my voice calm but even I could hear the strain in my voice as I processed those impossible words. The words I had dreamed of for so long. The words that had haunted me for months. I sensed him come to a halt behind me and my mind conjured up the image of him standing beneath the ethereal glow of the waning moon with his eyes full of black flames and his hair ruffling in the breeze like some avenging angel. It did nothing to restore order to my thoughts. "'Jeremiah' said this all just a game to you." I said pushing away his declaration in order to try and keep some kind of sanity. I was fully aware that I sounded like a stroppy teenager but that's basically what I am so there's no point pretending otherwise.

"A game?" Edward enquired sounding baffled by the concept in a way that caused a shot of irritation to shoot through me.

"Yes, Edward," just saying his name sent a tiny, unwanted shiver down my spine, "a game - like we're your puppets." My statement was followed by a few moments of nonplussed silence.

"Why would I do that?" He asked in disbelief. "Do you really think I would do something like that?" His words called back all my rational doubts so that I could, once again, see the ridiculous side of Jamie's (or was it Jeremiah's?) claim that had been lost in my anger.

"I'm not sure." I admitted hesitantly, "but you've still lied to me before so I can't believe anyone really, can I?" That stumped him for a few moments then I heard him take a step, then another and another till finally he was stood right in front of me.

"What would it take to prove it to you?" He breathed, now so close that I could just lean forward and we would touch. For the first time in so long I felt real pleasure blossom in my chest. All my suppressed emotion burst from it's carefully constructed box in a moment of pure joy. I could hardly form a coherent thought.

"Nothing you can say would convince me." I muttered eventually, trying to avoid his eyes which was difficult at such a proximity but I was far from inclined to move away, despite my better judgement. He considered my words briefly before bridging the gap between us with both of his hands by placing them at the base of neck gently. The feel of his granite hands on my, now, granite neck was intoxicating and I couldn't help but look up into his eyes; loathing myself for every delicious second I gazed into those encapsulating orbs. At the back of my mind a voice was screaming to get away, to run as fast as I could, but my limbs didn't obey that particular command. I was aware there were countless reasons to stop what was about to happen but they didn't spring to mind right at this moment so I let my eyes slide shut in guilty exultation as his silky lips pressed against mine.

He couldn't hurt me physically so why couldn't I have a little fun for once? I could deal with the fragments of my mind later.