WHITE NOISE

Chapter 3

"The season starts with a prayer, people too busy around him either living too hard or busy dying. Even Angels fall, Even the stones weep, the rivers run dry, but life goes on as it never stops, never ceases to let us take a moment for ourselves. Can we go back to the days when it was just you & me, like two different people? and there was no 'Us'. And now there is nothing left in this word anymore it seems.

If love is a thing of beauty of the soul, then it might forever walk alone. He looks towards the ocean, waiting for the answers to the long list of questions that he has in him. There is so much that he has done that is wrong, he wishes to go back and do, for once what is right. But time moves on. So does life. Time cures old bruises, but the healing is often slower. Wounds keep piling up and there is no hope that they may heal. Until we become a big wound in ourselves, just like a moving specimen of pain, living laceration. "

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(Brandon's POV)

She saw me watching her with that look in my eyes and I would lower my gaze, lest my eyes would give away the secret, my feelings I had for her. I had lost the color, the shine. My callous hands too rough from the hard work I did in the shop, I would come back, wipe the grease off on my shirt. It didn't matter to me if I looked like shit, I was miserable. I was in love, my heart had destroyed the plans I had made for myself by falling at her feet the moment my eyes fell upon her.

I had a war waging inside of me, my heart pining, hurting every moment, asking me to go to her. Tell her how you feel. In my dreams she would take my hard, callous hand into her soft ones and I would look into her eyes deeply and tell her each time,

"Yes!! I loved you from the first time I set my eyes on you," holding her with my hands above her elbows, I hold my fists tighter into her smooth skin, digging my nails deeper into her to remind her of the force of my feelings for her, "you look at me like I am nothing, but I love you. That is all I know about myself", I see horror in her eyes, as she winces in pain from my hard hold on her, I am scaring her, my heart hurts in my chest as I see her looking at me with fear and perhaps her disgust of me. Pain and anger stings my eyes, as I slowly let go of her arms and turn my face away from her.

Holding my head in my hands, I don't know what I should do, no action of mine is right, I am going mad, she makes me weak and crazy and fills my heart with pain. My heart hurts at the thought that she can never be mine, I give a frustrated cry, when suddenly I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I turn around and see her kind eyes looking up at me. Our eyes slowly embracing each other, with a warm feeling surrounding us. With that I would always wake up feeling a little less hurt each time, I spent hours and hours sleeping, watching the same dream over and over each time feeling her hand on my shoulder, I played the dream in eyes, as I walked to school, when guys snatched my bag-pack from me and punched me around, I would see your sweet face while my face felt punches that would tear my lips, everything around me was like a slow nightmare, when I had given up my real life, in exchange of the one dream, which you were a part of.

I had no clue what was going around me, as I walked, sat, breathed day-dreaming of you. The dream always playing in my eyes like a beautiful memory, but it was not a memory, it was a dream. I would take the spark-plugs off Matt's bike, so that he would call me to fix it. Everyday I would find an excuse to meet Matt at his home, so that I cud get a glimpse of you.

When sometimes I saw you sitting on the porch, always reading something or taking notes. My heart would leap out of me calling out to you. I would stand there, looking at your being, completely oblivious of your effect on me, how completely clueless you were that you had turned my life upside down. My eyes, ever in a trance would take in everything that you are, everything that made you, You. And as though on cue, as if you heard the voice of my heart, you would look up from your books suddenly with curious eyes, as if you heard my feelings, you would look at me and my breathing would stop. A slow smile would appear on your lips, and I knew this was going to be the death of me.

The dream, suddenly for a moment became real, every time our eyes met for a few moments, before I would tear my eyes away and turn my gaze to the ground. You were the source of my existence, the reason why I should live. After my dad, who died when I was 14, I lost my mother two years later. I lost my will to live, I gave in to drugs and drinking, soon I had to sell everything my parents ever owned and saved for my future and my education. I wanted to earn money, lots and lots of it, so that I do not have to go without alcohol ever again. I took up a job at a vehicle repair shop, thanks to my dad who always taught me how to repair his car and my bike on weekends. Matt and I were in 12th grade at the time, when I saw you on freshman day, it was you first day in high school. You wore a white dress that looked more like a white frock, with a pink cardigan and pink school shoes, you looked more like a doll than a girl. You held your books to your chest as you strolled around the school campus completely unaware of everyone.

All the dolled-up girls, putting on layer and layers of make-up each time they paid a visit to the washroom, wore trendy fashionable clothes. But my eyes were set on you, I could not understand then, why I followed you around that day, why I felt like I should walk up to you and say 'hi', but I could never gather courage, I had never had any problem talking to any girl before this, yet for some reason I felt anxious and scared of taking a few steps, I could not understand my fear of you, but years later I realized what power had held me back, of why I was afraid of you, years later I knew that I had fallen in love with you, and I had never wanted it to happen. To me.

All my fears, all my feelings, I would share with you in my letters that I wrote to you. I poured out my heart to you, bared my soul in them, everyday when my heart ached to see you, I would write them hoping one day I would gather enough courage to give them to you. Until that day...........................

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(PRESENT DAY)

See how times had changed, how time changed me. My fear of you, turned me into this monster that I am, or perhaps that I actually was. You made me what I am Maya, but I could never tell you all this, I could never tell you how you undid me, shattered my heart. You had no clue, how could you not see??how could anyone be so blind??? You lived for your dreams, while all that time I had made YOU, my dream.

I could touch you now, ignoring the feelings that crept up my heart, punching the feelings down, I gathered all my hate and bitterness of the past, rising like bile at the back of my throat. All I want to do is punish you with my touch, I want to hurt you like you hurt me, but I do not want to inflict physical pain on you, because that would be easy, I would do to you what you did to me. I would make you suffer each and every moment of your existance like I had suffered for you. I would show you how it feels when you want to give up on your life for one person that you love. I was never good enough for you right?? So I will make your heart good enough for NOBODY.

"So Maya, How could I let you be all that, if I would never be good enough for you??, I will drag you down to my level instead..............."

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Dear Readers, Please leave a comment if you like my story. I see and read many great stories being written, but being abandoned in the middle. (Just like one of the first stories I read on Wattpad my favorite story "#YOU STOLE MY DARKEST FANTASY") I would never do that to my stories, and I would never start a new story without completing the old one. This is a promise I make to Maya, to Brandon, My characters, who are taking birth through my imagination, so help them grow. I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for reading and love you. XOXO!!!