WHITE NOISE

CHAPTER 7

Brandon's POV

I punched my fist on the cedar tree over and over till it bled. I raised my hand on Maya, my Maya. She does not deserve it, She does not deserve to be locked up in this hell, she most certainly does not deserve to be anywhere close to me. But I can't survive knowing what will happen to her out there. She must know how I felt, I know she will understand. But what if she hates me, laughs on my face for imagining that a scum like me could fall in love with someone as pure as her or worse, what if she takes pity on me and returns my feelings of true love with her sympathy. That would be the death of me. I could live with her anger, her hatred towards me, but not with her pity or sympathy.

The blood gushed from the fresh wounds on my knuckles, it did not hurt as much as it hurt in my chest. Every moment felt like I could not take another breathe and when I did it hurt like there are thousand needles piercing my lungs. She was too close, yet so far away from me. This was it, this was the moment I had been planning for, for the past 7 months. My maya was never a social butterfly, she loves darkness, enclosed spaces, empty corners in the crowded parties, silences. She does not know that I am her Darkness, her Enclosed space, her Empty corner and her Silence. The stillness of her mind and heart, as if she is frozen in there. Not letting out emotions, I feel her. My maya does not speak much, How I wish I could get into pretty little mind of hers and come to know what goes on in her head.

I could give my everything just to know what she feels for me. And I could do anything just to make her feel love for me. If only I knew how.

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I lifted the shaft at the end of the stairs and a gust of air and dust descended on my nostrils. I slowly climbed up the remaining stairs and entered the dark dungeon where I had kept my maya. Slowly placing the lid down I locked us into the darkness.

There was no sound, not a single movement in the darkness. As my eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness I could locate my maya on the heap of hay, eyes closed, face as still as if it was made of ice. If she had been dreaming I could not know for her face showed no emotion what so ever. I took slow, silent paces towards her still form as if approaching a scared animal. I did not want her to be awake and startled due to my presence. I knew she feared me, but it was better that she feared me than know ME.

I stared at her sleeping form and in the darkness I could see her slowly healing bruised cheek, that had turned purple now, where I had hit her earlier. A sudden surge of loath and disgust formed in my chest for myself and my palms fisted in fury. I knew I had no control on my emotions when I was around my Maya, but I did not want her to be the victim of my outrage. Why did I hurt the people who come close to me, or worse who I try to get close to. Hatred is what I feel for myself.

Her eyes slowly blinked open and she felt something falling on her thigh, I followed her gaze to where her fingers touched her thigh and suddenly took a few steps back, the blood from my wound dripped and seeped into her white tattered clothes and her thigh. The pungent smell slowly arose around us. I took several steps back and soon collided with something that hit my back with a thud.

My maya slowly sat up and looked at her thighs and blood on them. If she freaked out I did not know coz she had no expression on her face. Her eyes left her thighs and landed on me, slowly raking my existence with her still eyes starting from my feet, up until my eyes, where they stay put. My breath hitched in my throat when our eyes met, I could not look away, could not turn my face away from her gaze. She did not speak a word, then why did it feel like she captured me in a corner and asked me questions that I had no answers to. I felt like a trapped animal that wanted to get free, yet wanted to stay trapped in those maze of eyes forever. Her cold glare, did not flinch at the growling sound that erupted from my chest at my utter frustration. Yet it all stopped in a moment when I felt her eyes drifting away from my eyes and landing on my wounded hand.

I felt a sudden pang in my heart at the loss of contact of her eyes from mine. I recoiled into myself, by slowly hiding my arm behind my back. This was the moment of sanity, for the madness had not erupted in me yet. I was scared of what would happen after this moment passes with her. The moment when my demon would take over me and would whisper destruction into me.

With sudden anger that flared at this thought, I turned in wild fury and took heated steps towards my Maya, my hands fisted at my sides as I marched towards her just to make her understand what I was going through, what I felt for her, why was everything so twisted around me, why can't I just talk to her like in my dreams? I wanted to hold her, break her,  I did not know what I wanted, but everything that involved HER. My emptiness.

She flinched back but never taking hers eyes off me. I stopped before my hands could make contact with her shoulders, I slowly raised my hands, to show her that I did not want to hurt her. My feet stepped backwards till they stopped at the wall opposite her, still facing her I leaned back on the wall and drifted down sliding my back on the wall. Her shoulders were still tensed even though her face was like sculpted ice.

This right now had to be the happiest moment I have ever breathed in my entire existence. My eyes held the most beautiful being I had ever come across in my life, and had dreamed about every night. The gravity of this moment was creating an emotional chaos in my heart, my mind. In the darkness sitting across her I found the peace I so wanted, although my demons scared me, this moment could not be ruined for the world.

It was at this moment that I knew that the next moment was in fact actually the happiest moment of my existence, negating my earlier thoughts. Her eyes had found mine again and for a moment like before I felt captured, trapped. But unlike before I wanted to be held this way, for I had had a taste of those labyrinths few moments ago and they have enchanted me.

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Sorry It took me ages to update. but please let me know what you think.