Treacherous

Chapter Thirty-One

*~*~* Amie's POV *~*~*

After our brief fight, Eleanor gets me to lie back down. I drift asleep only to be woken by my terrors 10 minutes later.

"I hate this," I mumble facedown into the couch as my tears make a wet spot on the couch.

"I know, Amie. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this." Those are the only words she ever says to me now, but I know that she's just trying to help. I feel bad for continuing to cry like this when she's doing her best to prevent the break downs.

I'm simply too broken to fix.

*~*~*

I spent the whole week crying. That's all I'm able to do anymore. Eleanor practically lives at my house to cook my food and help me function. I've tried to eat, trying different substances everyday, but as soon as it slides down my throat it comes right back up.

Now I know how Niall felt before. It's literally impossible to eat. Now I can barely move on my own, I'm so weak. Eleanor's been worrying about me, saying that I look like absolute hell, and says that I should take some sort of medication.

Yet everyone knows that there's no medicine for a broken heart.

The only thing that will help is the one thing that I don't have; Niall.

Eleanor said that the boys haven't heard from him in the past week. Management has been especially nice with letting the boys have a little time to themselves lately. I feel so guilty for keeping Louis' girlfriend with me all the time, but he assured me that it was fine. He said I needed her more than him.

He was right.

*~*~*

It's been eleven days since Niall shattered my heart, and I've about had enough of it. Eleanor is now always timid and shy around me. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in who knows how long. My temper has been short lately. So short that a fly buzzing around my head caused me to scream into a pillow. It just wouldn't stop coming after me.

I then smashed a lamp.

Eleanor is also tired. This I know. She won't admit it, but she yawns constantly. Whenever I tell her to sleep she insists that she's fine and changes the subject completely. She's suggested a few times that we go out. I merely told her I wasn't ready yet.

I think I'm ready now.

Eleanor's somewhere in the house, probably half asleep. She's been a walking zombie lately, always falling asleep randomly. The guilt creeps up on me again as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, letting my toes touch the soft carpet.

I haven't eaten in a day or two, so my legs threaten to give out a few times as I make my way to the bathroom. As soon as I step in, Eliza speaks. "Decided to get out of bed today?"

She still creeps me out sometimes with how she knows everything, but I just nod and turn on the water in the shower. Slowly I undress myself, memories of Niall doing this himself running through my mind.

I push those thoughts away and step into the shower, unabashedly letting my tears fall. Might as well get them out now before I have to face someone.

From now on I want to appear strong to others. I don't want to be seen as weak and fragile. Even though on the inside I know I am.

Deliberately, I wash myself, cringing when I start to wash my legs. They haven't been shaved in forever. I feel around for the razor, smiling slightly when I find it. I wet the blade and swipe it across my leg, continuing the motion until all the hair is gone.

I don't need Niall to do this. I don't need Niall to do anything. I'm capable of doing it without help. I can do it.

I cut myself a few times, but I barely felt that pain. I've been feeling much worse lately.