Treacherous

Chapter Fifty-Three

I decide to actually call Natalie now that it's been quite a while since I texted her. She picks up after the second ring.

"Hello?" Her sweet voice rings through the receiver and I breathe out loudly into her ear.

"I-" is all I'm able to get out as my body hunches over the steering wheel in front of me, convulsing in sweat and tears.

"Niall? Oh, my God, are you okay?" She panics, yelling into the phone as I hold it away from myself so she doesn't have to hear my broken weeping. It takes a few more seconds to get myself back under control, but when I do, I answer her.

"Yeah, I'll be fine- eventually," I reply to her scared cries.

"Oh, Niall..." She sighs before screaming and a clatter of pots and pans can be heard in the background.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" I worriedly ask.

She laughs. "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just clumsy."

I laugh a little too, so thankful that she has the power to relieve me so easily. She doesn't even have to try.

She starts to speak again. "So, are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Not yet," I answer, not quite wanting to get into any of that mess. "Why don't you tell me what you're doing first?"

Natalie sighs, obviously irritated. "Fine."

I look at my hands as if she can actually see me and I can actually see her. I hate being so hesitant to answer, but it's my immediate response to things like this. It never used to be, but there's a reason for it.

"Well, I'm just making dinner for my little brother. He's absolutely starving, so I figured I'd just make him a grilled cheese." She laughs and it's blissful music to my horror-filled ears.

"That's nice of you," I compliment, happy that there are still decent people like that out there- people not as destructive as me.

"Yeah, I guess," she says, laughing. "Here, wait a second." Nodding to myself, I sit back with the phone held up against my ear as I wait for her to finish up. Seconds later she's back. "Hey, sorry."

"You're fine." I smile, almost laughing at her out-of-breath tone.

"I tried to hurry and get him his sandwich. I didn't want to leave you for too long."

"What's his name?" I question, ignoring her last sentence and the meaning behind it.

"His name is Ben," she says. "He's a real cutie pie."

I smile yet again. "I bet he is."

"You should come and meet him one day.." she rambles as she continues to do something with her hands, obviously focusing on something rather than just our conversation. "I'd bet he'd love that."

"Maybe I will," I say, not quite promising anything. I don't really want to get too involved with her family. Just speaking to her is dangerous as it is. If I bring her family into anything she'll surely never speak to me again. Then I'd go back to being forced to not say anything to any living soul. In no way wanting to return to that, I promise myself not to meet any of her family.

As I've said before, love is weakness. TGWD could most definitely use them against her, and after all of Natalie's kindness that would be a dreadful way to repay her.

"So, I've told you what I've been doing. Your turn." She wastes no time.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. You absolutely have to. I can't say the right things if you don't tell me what you're talking about. I don't want to slip up and accidentally trigger something in you."

"What do you mean by trigger something?" My curiosity begs me to ask the question and it helps to stall our next conversation topic.

She exhales loudly. "I mean that I don't want to say something that sets you off and makes you upset. That's not what I'm trying to do."

A question pops into my mind and it slips out before my mind can catch up to my mouth. "So does that mean that if the truth would upset me, you would lie?"

Not wanting to sit in this driveway a moment longer, I pull out of the long driveway with a last silent farewell to my old friends.

"It depends," is what she answers with and I narrow my eyes at the newly paved road in front of me.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if the information would damage your tortured mind anymore, then yes, I would, and will, keep it from you. You and I both know that some things are better left unsaid."

I hate how she uses my own reasoning for withholding information from her against me. She does have a very valid point and I despise how much sense it does make.

"I'm sorry, but you've got to believe me that it's for your own good." She took my silence in the right way and her voice cracks. "I'm not trying to be the bad guy here."

I stay silent for a few more minutes, debating on which road to take as I go on from here. I could hang up and form a wall between us, not returning any of her calls due to the fear that she's not telling the truth, but I could also forgive her as I've wanted everyone to forgive me. The choice is obvious as she calls out into the receiver.

"Niall?"

"Yeah, I'm here," I answer, my voice wavering a little.

"I'm really sorry. I just thought you wanted me to help you with this kind of thing..."

There are those words again. Everyone just wants to help, but when they do that sometimes- most of the time- it just makes things worse and sends me spiraling towards that pit of insanity just a little bit more.

"Why does everyone think I need so much help?"

I've been dying to ask the question. The reason I didn't before is that it contradicts my thoughts and feelings of wanting someone to be there for me, to care for me in my times of need. It's just that they try to help in the wrong way and when I protest they shut me out completely and I break down a little bit farther.

"Every single time someone tries to help me they just hurt me more."

My voice is no longer understandable and tears cloud my vision. I reach up with one hand to wipe my eyes, but the steering wheel turns as I do and I find myself in the other lane. A car comes toward me and I swerve as hard as I can to avoid the car. I don't care what happens to me, only what happens to the other people in the van I almost ran into.

It looked like a minivan; it probably had a few kids in it, and I almost caused them to crash.

My car goes off of the road immediately and I land in a ditch with the hood of the car sticking straight into it. My head smacks against the steering wheel and I groan at the pain of that and the burn of the seatbelt as it strains against me.

XxXxX

I hate that this is so late, but here you go! This is a pretty crappy chapter and I had not planned for any of this to happen but sometimes my most best ideas come from my moments of being spontaneous, haha! So, I hope you like it!

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