Secret Society

Friends

I glanced at the clock --- it's still too early. But I had to see him so he could tell me that I hadn't lost my mind altogether.

I pulled on the first clean clothes I could find, not bothering to be sure they matched, and took the stairs two at a time.

I still wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but I'd made a compromise with myself. I understand now what he'd said last night --- that I might not want to see him again --- and I could have called him as he'd suggested, but that felt cowardly. I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. 

I changed my mind about heading to school. I drove down to First Beach instead, and parked in the empty dirt lot. It was still dark --- the gloomy predawn of a cloudy day --- and when I cut the headlights it was hard to see.  I had to let my eyes adjust before I could find the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds. It was colder here, with the wind whipping off the black water, and I shoved my hands deeped into the pockets of my jacket. At least the rain had stopped. 

I paced down the beach toward the north seawall. I couldn't see St. James or the other islands, just the vague shape of the water's edge. I picked my way carefully across the rocks, watching out for driftwood that might trip me. 

I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. It materialized out of the gloom when I was just a few feet away: a long bone-white driftwood tree stranded deep on the rocks. The roots twisted up at the seaward end, like a hundred brittle tentacles. I sat down, and stared out across the invisible sea.

 " Hi Janna. "

Shane's voice came from the darkness and made me jump. It was soft, almost shy, but I'd been expecting some forewarning from the noisy rocks, and so it startled me. I could see his silhouette against the coming sunrise.

" Shane? "

He stood several paces away, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously.

" Didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out. "

" Yeah. " I whispered.

It was quiet for a long moment and though it was still too dark to see well, my skin prickled as if his eyes were searching my face. There must have been enough light for him to read my expression, because when he spoke again, his voice was suddenly acidic.

 " You could have just called, " he said harshly.

I nodded. " I know. "

" Why did you come? " he demanded.

" I thought it would be better face-to-face. "

The sun turned the clouds a slivery pink above us. I could see his expression now; it was frustrated, betrayed.

" It's bothering me... Could you... Well, try not to be .... " I suggested in a whisper.

He threw his hands up in the air. " Like I have a choice about it. " he shouted. " You must understand, I am bounded and I can't escaped. " 

" I don't understand you . "

His hands shook with anger. " Go and hate me! There you sit terrified of me. How is that fair? "

I took a deep breath before speaking again.

 " Shane, " I pleaded, making my tone soft and even. " How about those people? Those people are innocent! Is it really necessary to kill them? Isn't there some other way? "